to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

[SmudgeButt]

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

Yes it really is that bad for some children. What a horrible post.

It depends on the child - it's all about resilience, some factors being innate in the individual and all of these being backed up by various environmental, economic and social factors.

My kids are among the lucky one; a few years off any really important points in their education, house with space, parents with fairly safe income, schools that are providing pretty well for them. They know that they are their parents are not at risk from Covid-19.

It would be a whole other matter for a child in an overcrowded, stressed home with insecure income, possibly facing homelessness, or ones with a very vulnerable parent or sibling who has had to shield heavily for almost a year.

Yes, the effects on mental health are being hugely exaggerated. More children tell me they prefer home learning than tell me they prefer school. And I ask about 100 children a week how they are. And suicides are going down in many places. Possibly nationally

@barskits

I agree with you OP.

Every child I've ever known (including me) would jump at the chance of staying at home instead of having to go to school.

But they'll have to go back to school eventually. That is potentially going to be very difficult for some children, especially those who have got behind with schoolwork, or who have become withdrawn. Some may never go back.

Darker - very good point, getting children who have had a hard time at school to go back after their respite, will be very hard.

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

Like I said it's not a competition 🤷‍♀️

I would not want to live through any war. While the pandemic isn't fun I'd take it over war any day.

I think it's often the parents who worry far more about the damage to their kids then the kids themselves.

@DrManhattan

Yes there is always someone worse off than you, but does that make you feel any better? No not really.

^^ this.

I think for some children, those being abused at home, going hungry etc their the ones who will be suffering.

My MIL lived though WW2 . She went to school and mixed with friends. She says this is a terrible time for young people

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

I think the parents dramatising a bad situation is actually making it much worst than necessary

It's shit, but the "stolen childhood" and "being on house arrest" and mummy in tears because she needs her me-time is ridiculously over the top and damaging.

I've yet to see any mother post or comment that it's hard because she isn't getting me time - all I've seen are mothers concerned about their children's mental well being, their education and their development.

@yvanka

I think people are a lot more aware of mental health now, and love using buzzwords to over-diagnose what are normal feelings in an attempt to somehow legitimise them.

"My child has developed extreme anxiety" - they are worried

"My child has become socially isolated" - they miss their friends

"My child is depressed" - they are bored

All normal feelings to have during a pandemic when they're stuck at home, but very unlikely to cause the kind of lasting damage a lot of people on Mumsnet are predicting.

I agree with this post. It's rubbish, really rubbish but if your kids are lucky enough to have a roof, heating, hot water, food, access to remote learning, a loving parent or carer and non-toxic home life - they are likely to be ok long term.

Any child without one of the above will suffer more through this.

And comparing to the war is a bit weird - this is nothing like it.

@FluffyPJs

You should google ACEs - adverse childhood experiences - and see how traumatic events in childhood have an impact on their future mental and physical health. Everyone says children are so resilient and they bounce back so well, but actually research shows they don't, they just mask it very well. This is why schools are focusing so much on the pupils mental well being and emotional health at the moment

This.

Wow so only those being abused will suffer.

I've yet to see any mother post or comment that it's hard because she isn't getting me time

where have you been? 😂

Gosh yes, I must have somehow abused my dd without realising then, because otherwise she wouldn’t be struggling

Maybe OP you mean more that the media dramatises it? I would agree with you on that. Just because something is true it isn’t true for everyone and the BBC tends to have one tone with no nuance.

Am aware of two family members who obviously had lifelong PTSD after WWII (extreme experiences over a long period).

I think Y are being very U and really blinkered - especially when it comes to 'they just got on with it cheerfully' post wars. They didn't, men came back broken, many not speaking about it - because they didn't have the words or tools. Being afraid of poor mental health was a thing - language like being sent to the Looney bin etc led to many clamming up and suffering in silence.
People 'got on with it's because they had to, but that doesn't mean their coping mechanisms were healthy and many of their offspring paid the price in violence/silence and avoiding the elephant in the room.
In a way, I wish what you were saying were true because it would make everything easier 'just be cheerful and cope!' but the truth behind the scenes is very different.

What a crass basic attitude.

I know for a fact my previously healthy happy 15 year old had his first ever panic attack, and it was a bad one, just before having to re-attend school last winter with the added pressure of going into yr 11 feeling at a disadvantage at the the thought of his impending GCSEs. Re-evaluating his A-level choices. Isolated from his peers.

We are just about tackling his anxiety now with the help of our, very understanding GP, who tells us it's rife, and has been very helpful in checking in with him.

Thank god for her and people like her.

I can't see any post where someone is saying only the abused will suffer?

I imagine it will be very difficult for some children in less than ideal home situations.

It will also be difficult for some children who are in ideal home situations - but I think long term,the majority of them will be ok because they have the home comforts and support.

Some children will be ok in any scenario.

We need to be careful we don't over/armchair diagnose mental health conditions they are NOT THE SAME as mental health issues.

Worry, fear, sadness, boredom are all very real and not to be dismissed. Listen to your kids and tell them you get it and it's ok to feel like that.

Diagnosed Anxiety, depression, OCD etc is very different. Only professionals can diagnose these.

Feelings aren't a competition but some perspective is needed.

Thanks all for your considered comments. I've found even those bordering on abusive to be insightful.

I know some parents who have been trying to do what's best and the kids are suffering or not in much the same way they were before this all started. I can't imagine how hard it is for those who care and have children who simply cannot cope.

For what it's worth I've met a number of Holocaust survivors and listened to their and their children's stories. Also to an SS officer, other German soldiers and their kids. I guess some are more resilient than others.

@Friendlyghostmama

The mental health issues my grandad developed as an evacuee are having a knock on effect 3 generations later. Why we all think everyone cheerily got on with it during the war is beyond me. I have an 85 year old grandmother who still cries about losing her dad in the war, another who spent decades searching for the grave of her lost brother and a grandfather who became nothing less than evil since he was evacuated.

and

Why does suffering have to be seen as a competition?

@Fastedbrownie

I think there needs to be some understanding that suffering is subjective to normal circumstance. Are kids objectively ',suffering' as they did in the 1940's? God no, but are they suffering in relation to the lifestyle they're accustomed too? Arguably.

I think this has hit the nail on the head beautifully. Changes in mental health are relative to what is normal for each child/young person, not what has gone before. For some, this has improved their mental health...a small percentage but they do exist. But for others it's totally shite and miserable. As it is for all of us, to be fair.

The question is, what can we do to help build resilience and help as many as possible of young people be able to get through and spring back asap, and what can we do to support those who have a tougher time with it all.

Just opening everything back up "because of mental health" is no answer as physical health of the millions of unvaccinated people in this country HAS to take priority. Else mental health for all really will be down the pan. (And don't spout statistics of healthy under 65s who die etc, it's more complicated with bereavement and long term illnesses not being shown in that picture. Not to mention the individuals who should on paper have been okay but have died anyway.)

Yes, the effects on mental health are being hugely exaggerated. More children tell me they prefer home learning than tell me they prefer school. And I ask about 100 children a week how they are

It depends on the age group you are asking and in which capacity.

My DD (16) is diagnosed with anxiety- last year, she was a happy sociable teenager in y11. A direct result of this pandemic.

She is now in y12, she wouldn't ever tell her school about her struggles...Obviously they know about her diagnosis, but still she would not open up to them. And why should she? What difference will a zoom call or phone call actually make?