to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

[SmudgeButt]

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

@wardrobesandthebackofthem

What I feel this lockdown has really shown up is how little parenting many parents do-they rely on other resources to meet educational, physical, social needs to the point that when these are removed, they are completely helpless and don't even see which boxes must be ticked whether they fancy it or not. Not getting dressed, not getting outside and going for a walk for days on end because no one fancies it, is terribly poor parenting and really neglectful. If this is how parents behave when the supports are taken away, maybe we need more parenting classes on what is necessary for a child to maintain good physical and emotional health.

There is also such a thing as an Engulfing Mother.

One who controls every aspect of their child’s behaviour, never allowing them to develop their own sense of Self.

Arguably the Engulfing Mother is more damaging than the benign neglecting mother

The nastiness coming through in this thread is something else.

How do you know the MH impacts of the WW's weren't understated? Given the recent recognition of PTSD in soldiers who served in the Gulf/Afghanistan conflicts it seems a bit blinkered to assume everyone came out of WW2 as jolly as hockey sticks.

My grandpa was a PoW for 4 years. He told me and my brother stuff in the 90's stuff he never told my mum to the point we actually spoke about how he got liberated a few years ago assuming she knew and it was the first time she'd heard that tale.

I’ve said it on other threads, but I really think mothers who are in denial about the impact this is having on children (collective) have somehow had their maternal instinct wiped out by the fearmongering.

Yanbu. People had things loads worse in eg the fall of Troy, the siege of Leningrad, the Armenian genocide. So everyone now needs to stfu and deal. Likewise Brits in WWII, who didn't have it nearly as bad as any of this. Bunch of non resilient layabouts, the lot of them.

The issues are not just about lockdown happening now. As well as those listed by previous posters, the legacy of lockdown is going to cause the now young problems for years, if not decades to come, in the form of:

• Increased poverty.
• Anxiety for parents: anxious parents make anxious children.
• Disrupted education.
• Students graduating into very high unemployment.
• Increased taxes.
• Increased uncertainty. Now that the monumental precedent of lockdown has been set, there will be a constant fear that a future government might wheel it out again, whenever it suits them. Even if they swear blind just before a general election they never will do it again, even if they reverse the legislation to make it impossible in theory, it could still happen - a politician's promise means NOTHING. Nobody is going to rest easy, even when the government tells us that it's all over.

Many of these things are still likely to be massive realities when our children become young adults.

I see the pretence we were talking about children's mental health has gone, as has the pretence we were then taking about parents' handling of it. It's all about mothers. Fathers have nothing to do with this of course.

What I feel this lockdown has really shown up is how little parenting many parents do-they rely on other resources to meet educational, physical, social needs to the point that when these are removed, they are completely helpless and don't even see which boxes must be ticked whether they fancy it or not

I agree completely... but it's not the whole picture.

I was shocked that 2 of my work colleagues didn't go out to play in the snow with their DC last weekend. Despite having the space/ opportunity !

There is social interaction and learning that happens outside the family unit. That is what is missing, especially for older DC & Teens who need to learn about cues and norms of social interaction. Yes, some will catch up, others will miss out on vital brain development.

Obviously people suffered horribly in WW1 and 2 but that doesn't mean they aren't suffering now.
My children are missing their friends, sports activities and family. They are also missing out on their education.
My parents aren't young and my eldest is constantly calling them because she's terrified they'll die and even worse she won't have seen them recently. She shouldn't be dealing with that at 14.
The effects of this are going to be felt for years.

I think the impact is different for different children.

My two girls love home learning but they have good support, loads of tech & resources and are quite introverted anyway so this is quite a pleasant experience for them.

They are missing things but generally ok.

Compare this to other children for whom this is a horrible experience. They might be extroverts and utterly lonely and bored, without support, cramped for space or in an unpleasant environment.

This pandemic has not been an equal experience at all.

@CarolEffingBaskin

I'd rather be raising my child through WW2 than this to, frankly. Whilst I can imagine the stress on women was inconceivable, the fact that schools remained open, food existed and there was more than plenty to actually do in WW2 means that it was in all likelihood far easier to create an illusion of some normality for children than it is right now. It seems like it would have been, for me, easier to be a mother then than through this to be quite blunt.

Where on earth are you that food doesn't exist anymore? Plenty food in the shops that last time I looked (yesterday went I did the weekly shopping).

@Mang0Mel0n

I hope people aren’t taking their kids out for longer than an hour a day, they’re not supposed to be.

What crap.

It's not a competition about who had it worse.

The evidence is that children are suffering.

Yes. YABU

People had things loads worse in eg the fall of Troy, the siege of Leningrad, the Armenian genocide.

Do people actually listen to the stuff they post on here?

@hamstersarse

I’ve said it on other threads, but I really think mothers who are in denial about the impact this is having on children (collective) have somehow had their maternal instinct wiped out by the fearmongering.

You're relentless

My rises would love you though.

Roses

Well it depends on circumstances. I have four children so they're having a great time, they have people to play with all the time. Nit the same for an only child or teenagers especially ones doing exams. But at the same time I doubt this is that bad that it'll scar any of them for life with ongoing trauma.

YABVU.

Even without a pandemic, the pressures on kids are huge these days.

@GintyMcGinty

It's not a competition about who had it worse.

The evidence is that children are suffering.

& some children are benefitting, others are just getting on with it & are fine either way. - are you not listening other people?

Can we just fucking stop comparing and benchmarking how people are struggling?

@wardrobesandthebackofthem

What I feel this lockdown has really shown up is how little parenting many parents do-they rely on other resources to meet educational, physical, social needs to the point that when these are removed, they are completely helpless and don't even see which boxes must be ticked whether they fancy it or not. Not getting dressed, not getting outside and going for a walk for days on end because no one fancies it, is terribly poor parenting and really neglectful. If this is how parents behave when the supports are taken away, maybe we need more parenting classes on what is necessary for a child to maintain good physical and emotional health.

So you think parents should be able to educate their children, provide emotional and mental support and ensure they are exercising daily and keep a roof over their children's heads. Not a massive ask, except that these parents have to do their own work in the evening and night so they can educate their children in the day. They only get a few hours sleep so perhaps they can't face going for yet another walk in the rain and cold. My teenagers were happy going for a walk in the spring and summer but when I do persuade them now they just whinge. It's nowhere near as simple and easy as you're making out.

In the first lockdown, my sun stopped going to college. This last week, he’s started going in, just 3 days a week. He has Aspergers and frankly, the strain on his mental health has been horrendous.

He’s not a child but... he is a very vulnerable young person and needs a little routine/interaction. There are only 4 students and two staff “in” the entire college who are attending and I thank them wholeheartedly. I fear for my son’s sanity.

The mental health issues my grandad developed as an evacuee are having a knock on effect 3 generations later. Why we all think everyone cheerily got on with it during the war is beyond me. I have an 85 year old grandmother who still cries about losing her dad in the war, another who spent decades searching for the grave of her lost brother and a grandfather who became nothing less than evil since he was evacuated.

In my school we had to do special training before schools went back to tackle the suspected mental health issues and anxiety children would be coming back with. Some teachers were very worried about how children were going to need to lots of breaks from the classroom, some might do runners, cry for parents, be unable to handle the return to structure etc.

They were fine. A school of 350, and there were no major difficulties on return. I’m not saying children were unaffected by lockdown, of course they were. But most children are more resilient than they are given credit for.