to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

[SmudgeButt]

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

Do people not understand how little parents can do to alleviate the effects of children being isolated and separated from their peers?

I find this ‘teach them resilience’ and blaming the parents to be denial of the worst kind. Why won’t people face up to what’s crashingly obvious?

I don’t think saying there is ‘very little you can do’ is particularly helpful. When people suffer with mental health issues we don’t say ‘nothing can be done mate, the worlds fucked.’

Butthat resilience depend on children having protective factors in place, most importantly adults who care for them and can help them to process their anxieties and get help for them if they are not coping. However many adults are also anxious and struggling which makes it harder for them to help their children process difficult emotions

@BitchyHen how does it work???
I have 2 DC one is perfectly fine- enjoying themselves to a certain extent.

The other has emergency counselling.

There is nothing wrong with my parenting (without going into details).
It's just a shitty situation, vulnerable/ not vulnerable, having support/ no support doesn't make a difference. It's not a class issue.

This can absolutely affect anyone.

And no, my suffering child does not care that great grandad had to cycle through a burning city during WW2 lookingfor his aunt. Or that refugee children sit outside in the freezing cold somewhere in Bosnia without food. That's a concept/ burden of humanity that is beyond their compression at this point in time.

I don’t think saying there is ‘very little you can do’ is particularly helpful

Lots of children are suffering precisely because they cannot interact with other children face to face. If they could, there wouldn’t be a problem.

All the alleviation techniques in the world can’t make up for this one basic, human need they have that isn’t being met right now.

Place2Be and holding a free webinar for parents as part of Children’s Mental Health week, here’s a link incase anyone is interested

www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/

But what can you do?

They are over video calls, completely over it. They can’t see their friends and family, can’t go to school, exams are cancelled, can’t plan ahead for things like holidays or fun at the weekends, seeing friends etc, can’t get or do a Sat job,there is nothing for teens to do other than daily exercise which needs to be local, they are stuck inside home schooling most of the time......

Teenagers are built to be doing their own thing, bring social not taking up jigsaw puzzles and being cut off whilst stuck indoors with family 24/7 and very little to plan for.

The first thing you’re taught to do with foster kids is acknowledge that what’s happening is shit.

@TheKeatingFive

I don’t think saying there is ‘very little you can do’ is particularly helpful

Lots of children are suffering precisely because they cannot interact with other children face to face. If they could, there wouldn’t be a problem.

All the alleviation techniques in the world can’t make up for this one basic, human need they have that isn’t being met right now.

This is very true

Totally agree with you OP. Sadly, it was very predictable which if my kids' friends would be the ones struggling the most with their mental health and they are not those who have it worse.

If you have parents who themselves dramatise everything and are negative about any situation, who tend to pay blame to everyone but themselves, their kids are likely to grow up depressed and anxious.

A poster above mentioned going out in the cold as if it was a curse. It's all little steps to remove ourselves from apathy, that trigger endorphins that will make coping with difficult situation bearable. Going out in the cold means finding great easier in coming home to the warmth or a hot bath, hot chocolate or water bottle, whilst realising that being out wasn't so boring after all.

Some kids will find it harder than others, extroverts certainly more than introverts, but I agree that some parents do nothing to help their kids cope by instead reinforcing their belief that they do have it very hard and somehow harder than others.

So when experts give worse case scenarios based on modelling that is demonstrated to be flawed we have to accept the horrendous impact of lockdown and restrictions is worth it but when actual evidence show that children are suffering hugely now and psychologists are worried about the lifelong impact then it's fine as you've decided it'll all be ok?

This is an experiment on our children. We have no idea how isolating a developing mind for the best part of a year will work out as we have never done it before. Why? Because it would never have passed ethical approval as it's so cruel.

I've never heard anyone who dismissed mental health issues in children and teenagers to have anything to say that was worth listening to.

Unplug.

@mbosnz

In the 'quakes, DH always said, 'the worst quake is the worst quake you've been through. Which is a really good way of saying comparison is both unnecessary and pointless. What matters is the individual experience.

For many of our children, the worst crisis they've been through, is the one they are currently going through. And, as with the quakes, they're doing this within their individual contexts of environment, resources, family relationships, physical or mental challenges that were already existing, abuse, neglect, friends or lack thereof. . .

Telling them, 'cheer up luv, could be worse, coulda been in the Blitz' isn't terribly useful.

Or as someone I know once said.

'someone else's suck, doesn't make your suck, suck any less'

😂

Someone somewhere is always having it tougher aren't they.

Doesn't detract from how people in the here and now are being affected though.

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

I've never heard anyone who dismissed mental health issues in children and teenagers to have anything to say that was worth listening to.

Unplug.

Exactly.

This thread is awful.

I’m guessing your kids may need a lot of help with self-awareness though.

You sound pleasant.

I’m sorry, you’re right, I’ll be nicer.

My children have thrived during lockdown. My hedge fund has performed well due to the uncertainty. The new nanny’s been taking them out every day round the estate for den building and forest school. They pick a different country each week and they learn the language, try cooking some local cuisine, and dress up in costumes. They’ve taken up the trumpet and the harp and have been doing online ballet lessons.

So you see, it is ALL down to our resilience and positivity. Pats self on back

Without lockdown we’d have unimaginable horror and many more deaths (including more excess deaths) which would arguably be worse for young people in the long run. I’m as concerned as anyone about the impact on mental health, but I think the answer is not to lift restrictions too early.

I think MH is a growing issue in the UK. Not just among teens and adults but children and elderly too. Hopefully more money will be invested in it although I doubt it.

Having said that, anecdotally most children here seem to be coping ok. Some are not but I don't know what help there is available.

But these children haven't lived through a war.
Back in the war years, children had so many negative impacts on them, poverty, early death, living in cramped conditions, lack of food, school for not many and then work.

Our children have been, mostly, OK, with healthcare, benefits safety net, old age so grandparents. School until 16 at least.

My DD is incredibly depressed. For a week after her teacher passed away she barely spoke. Her sleep pattern is all over the place.

We have been told since their birth how important routine is, and I know I've followed that advice successfully until last year, bedtime the same every night, up at the same time, very mundane. That all went out the window.
Our DS has probably had the best ability to cope as he has health issues so has quite a bit of time off usually and is used to working remotely and catching up where he can. His sister hadn't.

I don't think it's so much about people having it worst (true, but unless you experienced it yourself you won't know)

as people exaggerating and trying to bring their own kids into their own misery bubble to make themselves feel more important.

Like the posters during the first lockdown having vapours about their dramatic house arrest - whilst their neighbours , maybe moaning and ranting, but still merrily going on their outdoor exercise once a day, as permitted, and feeling so much better for it.

Some people must have had a ridiculously spoilt and sheltered life if they can't cope with a little bit of change on a temporary basis. Plus, as we are ALL leaving with the same restrictions (the real ones, not the made-up ones), it's obvious who is being ridiculous.

It's being completely underestimated actually. Many children haven't been out of the house in weeks. Haven't seen any friends. Some don't have access to school work due to no/poor internet and no online devices. Some are not eating properly now. Some are watching their parents poorly at home with covid and no one can help, all they hear is "death death death" on the news. Not allowed to see their friends and family. It's horrendous for many of them. Of course keeping them "safe" from the virus is important but everything else seems to be forgotten!

Without lockdown we’d have unimaginable horror and many more deaths (including more excess deaths) which would arguably be worse for young people in the long run.

It’s not a choice between full lockdown and no lockdown. There are many shades of grey in between.

My point is that no one has made a concerted attempt to analyse the full cost of lockdown for society. Now I know that’s hard, but it was never seriously undertake as far as I can see.

If we had, in that knowledge, we may have acted differently as there were (whether people understand this or not) other options open to us. Or we may have decided to proceed as we did, but at least with full understanding of what we’re doing.

I am so bloody sick of people going on about the fucking war. Or “Syrian orphans who still came through it all fine” memes on Facebook. This guilt tripping of anyone who is finding it hard is disgusting.

My 7 year old daughter is angry all the time. She wakes up in the night crying and comes into bed with me. My 4 year old who only started in September isnt going to have learned the stuff she should have for Year One despite mine and her teachers best efforts.

Their generation is going to be paying the price of this for years. But yeah, the war. So suck it up and “go for a walk”.

Pathetic.

+Some people must have had a ridiculously spoilt and sheltered life if they can't cope with a little bit of change on a temporary basis*

I find this breathtakingly trite. ‘A little bit of change’? That’s what you think is going on here?

Agree with the above poster who said that an experiment like this would never obtain ethical approval.

School closed, fine. Let them mix in groups outdoors then.

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom
Very wise words and potentially the op has started this as a wind up anyway...