to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

[SmudgeButt]

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

I'm really glad you brought this thread to my attention @ichundich so not a problem at all

For those that say that their children are showing signs of trauma as a result of the pandemic, can I ask what exactly they are displaying?

Resilience isn't some magic protect all that parents simply gift to their children if they're not too lazy to. It's bandied around on here as if it's some kind of failing if you haven't 'got' it. The fact is some children will be really struggling now, some may struggle not now, but in the future. Others will sail through. I've had my own MH difficulties and in fact I have built resilience through them.
The posters that want to dismiss every kid with issues as 'entitled', and wave their stuff upper lip around - I'm pretty confident were raised in that way too. Scared of feelings. Just getting unhappily on with it. It's ok to be scared, it's ok to acknowledge it and still go about your day as best you can. Compassion goes a long way.

Trying to jump out of a window saying she needed air. Taking 12 paracetamol, saying she couldn’t cope. Refusing to do school work, saying she couldn’t do it anyway and refusing to engage in live lessons. Hysterical crying. Social media issues bring amplified because there’s nothing else. Writing suicide notes. Pacing the floor up and down all night, saying she can’t sleep. Eating nothing or binge eating ten bananas in one go.

Oh I forgot the self harming. That too.

Just looking at the bbc article posted above.

"Children involved in the research cited family tensions and financial concerns as well as feeling isolated from friends and fear about the virus for causing their distress.

Older teenagers and adolescents have been affected too as they have seen their prospects shrink. The Youth Index, published in January by the Prince's Trust in partnership with YouGov, has been tracking the well-being of young people aged 16 to 25 for 12 years.

It found more than half of young people were always or often feeling anxious - the highest level ever recorded. Jonathan Townsend, of The Prince's Trust, fears young people are "losing all hope for their future"

Children are worrying about family tensions and being isolated from friends.... Feeling anxious about their future.... I'm not saying that these are worries that children should have because they shouldn't, of course. However are we classing these as mental health disorders or are we understanding that these are normal emotional reactions to unprecedented life events. I think we are doing a great disservice to our young by classing their reactions to life situations, admittedly tough as this situation is, as mental illnesses or mental health disorders.

Children are making huge sacrifices for the sake of adults and this should not be dismissed. What is purpose of this post? Is it to make you feel less guilty?

I would say, seeing as CAMHS normally have a 2 year waiting list, that my dd being seen within a month probably means I qualify on this thread.

@AwaAnBileYerHeid I suggest you read my post a page or so ago and several others on this post that detail the reality. Sorry if that doesn't fit your narrative

Yabu op. Think how much more slowly time passes for kids. Mine are teary about missing school and friends despite being cared for, loved, home schooled and well fed etc.
Now imagine how some kids cope when they don't have some or any of those things. Schools are a refuge for many.

I’m very sorry to read of the suffering of our children here

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

For those that say that their children are showing signs of trauma as a result of the pandemic, can I ask what exactly they are displaying?

I am not saying these are necessarily signs of trauma, but I think these may well be early signs of depression in an 8 year old - tired a lot, not wanting to get up, not wanting to get dressed in the morning, not interested in anything, crying, saying that he feels ‘sad’ a lot of the time and that he feels that ‘it’s never going to end’. Normally he is a sporty, active, super curious boy, who loves school and learning and who jumps out of bed laughing.

I think your arguments are flawed in a number of ways. First of all you seem to think everyone who survived WW2 is fine on the basis that they seem fine to you. But that’s clearly flawed. I’ve never seen a large scale study on the effects of WW2 on the population’s mental and physical health so I have no idea but ‘I’ve chatted to a few and they seem fine’ isn’t great methodology.

There used to be a stigma around mental health problems and people discussed it less. That doesn’t mean they were ok. It often came at a terrible cost. Read up about the aftermath of the Aberfan disaster. The long terms effects on the physical and mental health of the community are well documented. From memory I believe around 20 of the bereaved parents committed suicide or met early deaths as a result of the disaster. So you can find discussions about mental health ‘nauseating’ if you like but I’d rather people were too open about it than not open enough.

But secondly, I think the comparison with WW2 doesn’t really work. They’re totally different. No, it isn’t as ‘bad’. But to my knowledge, we haven’t got any data on what happens when you lock the population up for a year or more. We just don’t know what the long term social effects will be.

When this pandemic ends there is a kind of vibe that children will be okay.
How? Even big name business are going under, over a million unemployed, no jobs, country in a horrendous state.
By the time primary school children need jobs things might be better but what about older children who need jobs in the next couple of years?
Even when this pandemic ends, things won't be normal for a long time. If they don't have mental health issues at school a lot will when they they can't earn money, can't afford to move out of home etc.
Children might be resillenant but they still have a breaking point.

@IDontMindMarmite

There's been more deaths than ww2 and ww1 combined so let's not underestimate the fear we are living in.

Erm, you may wish to Google your facts there.

It’s been interesting to read other experiences.

My 14 year old is suffering from severe anxiety, won’t engage with school or live lesson, having panic attacks, she won’t leave the house, and rarely leaves her room. She’s stopped saying she would “sooner die than go to school”, but who knows what will happen then. She seems ether sad or angry, with not much in between

We did have a CAHMS appointment, but they didn’t offer us anything.

Why on earth do people there is an either or answer ? !

Different children in the war went through totally different experiences .

Same as now .

And our children can’t compare what they did not go through or experience .

Probably in the war there was more camaraderie and at least they did not have the courage of social media lies to contend with .

@Noranorav

Resilience isn't some magic protect all that parents simply gift to their children if they're not too lazy to. It's bandied around on here as if it's some kind of failing if you haven't 'got' it. The fact is some children will be really struggling now, some may struggle not now, but in the future. Others will sail through. I've had my own MH difficulties and in fact I have built resilience through them. The posters that want to dismiss every kid with issues as 'entitled', and wave their stuff upper lip around - I'm pretty confident were raised in that way too. Scared of feelings. Just getting unhappily on with it. It's ok to be scared, it's ok to acknowledge it and still go about your day as best you can. Compassion goes a long way.

Very poignant @Noranorav - I often get drawn into these threads and describe how unwell my DD is only to get shot down by someone saying how wonderfully resilient their kids are but I read your post and felt that I didnt need to share that stuff tonight so thank you.

I think it is a consequence of not building up any sort of resilience in children and young people. Not saying no often enough and the 24/7 nature of social media does not help either.

Resilience is not a moral virtue, and I don't think it can be 'built up' as single entity. People are resilient, or not, to certain things. I tend to be resilient about some things (e.g. I don't get jealous easily, and I don't get bored easily). I tend to be not resilient at all about certain other things - e.g. health anxiety, which is unfortunate at the moment; or people getting angry with me for my physical clumsiness. In general, I've noticed that other people also tend to be more resilient about some things than others, and it's not always the same things for everyone.

I certainly don't think that being told no has anything to do with resilience or mental health. At best, you are confusing people who have mental health problems related to the pandemic with the sort of spoilt brats who don't see why they should have to obey lockdown rules if they don't want to. It's not the same thing at all. At worst, you are blaming the victims for not being 'resilient' enough.

It is impossible to see how being a child during coronavirus lockdowns will fit into history in 50 years time because we are all too much in the middle of it now and the ending is still unknown. We simply don’t know what the ramifications will be. We don’t know who your child will know who will be dead by the end of it or how many years it will go on.

I imagine there might be a good few books based along the model of Anne Frank’s diary of being a teen during the pandemic in times to come.

To those with children and teens struggling right now.

Obviously the impact on children isolated because of lockdown cannot in any way be compared to what children in a concentration camp experienced. What a ridiculous comparison.
Having said that I think the mental health impact is huge. My own DC are really struggling, I dread to think what it must be like for those living with in poor conditions with abusive parents.

What is purpose of this post? Is it to make you feel less guilty?

There are a lot of people on here who just won’t acknowledge what this is doing to a younger generation.

They minimise, harp on about resilience, make out it’s the parents fault and so on.

I suppose they just can’t face up to the facts before them. Which is problematic, because we need to be making difficult decisions in the full knowledge of the consequences for young people. Head in the sand will bite us in the arse very quickly.

I think a lot of distress is the messages they get from parents - so if they are acting like this is awful and unbearable, the kids will be distressed by it. Yes, it is terrible, yes there will be some downsides, and also some advantages (like the increase of people getting firsts this year). We all need to let go of expectations at the moment and just ride this out - kids are great at this.

This life is very unhealthy for teenagers. In fact, you couldn't design a worse life for them in terms of provoking inner angst and depression than by cutting them off from routines, getting out every day, and having a social life.

Word from my teens school is that although some people are fine, others are struggling a huge amount, some are desperate. I'm a uni lecturer and our wellbeing services have seen significantly increased traffic.

I don't know why you would doubt this. I don't disagree we didn't have much choice but to lockdown given the cockup of letting covid run rampant around care homes, hospitals with no way to properly track and trace, but teenagers are really paying the price for that. I just hope it's fairly reversible for my teenagers once we get out of lockdown.