Teenager in revealing clothes

[Frazzledmum55]

I don’t know how to react to this, or if I should at all. My dd is 15, not nearly 16 yet if that makes a difference. She’s has her own money which her Dad sends her every month. She’s been ordering clothes and I really really don’t like them. They’re all so revealing. Tight trousers and cropped tops mostly. Also most of them are quite low cut strappy tops too so not a whole lot of her is covered.
It’s not the weather for these clothes clearly but she obviously likes them and doesn’t want to cover up with a coat so will wear just a light jacket with the zip open.
I don’t want her wearing them at all. I don’t think it looks right on a girl her age, and right or wrong it attracts attention from men.
The other thing worth mentioning is that she suffers with depression and if wearing these clothes makes her feel good about herself, me saying I don’t like them will make her feel shit and put further strain on our relationship.
Aibu- She’s old enough to wear what she wants and I should just shut up because it’s her money
Yanbu- I tell her I don’t want her wearing them, but realistically how can I stop her?

I would just explain to her that she only THINKS she wants to wear those clothes because the fashion industry and mass media have told her that she should, and that she's been brainwashed by 50-year-old male CEOs to wear revealing clothing for their pleasure. Ask her why she thinks boys in her year don't dress like that?

Simple

@Hankunamatata

I used to wear clothes like that to get attention from boys as it boosted my low self esteem. For years I judged my worth by how much attention i got from boys later on men. It took me years to just be myself

And at the same time, receiving negative judgement from other women if this thread is anything to go by. No wonder a lot of women struggle with their self esteem.

@JazzyGeoff

I've never commented on my daughters clothes (beyond a 'you're going to freeze in that'), and there have been some doozies in there

I made clear to her dad that he wasn't to comment either.

She's 22 now, and just left the house this afternoon to work on the doors meeting people having their vaccine, wearing two tops, an oversized hoody and fluffy bed socks and trainers, so she's not doing too bad for never having been told.

Oh and she was wearing leggings as well- even I would have had to query the lack of trousers

Tell her she should wear exactly what she wants. Also teach her about men.

Those tops look perfectly normal for a teenager.
My mum always hated me more risqué clothing, from wonderbras, hot pants, bodies, mini skirts to catsuits etc etc (born in the 70s so was in my teens 80s/90s). I was a size 14-16 and she always commented on things being tarty or that I was too big for them. It made me, like teenage girls the world over do it more to make a point.

You can either take the view that appearance and display is part of non-verbal communication, or the MM view that appearance is absolutely nothing to do with anyone else and people can dress and decorate themselves however they like.

Meh I really cant get worked up about it anymore. My almost 15 year old and all her friends have a uniform of very long straight hair, dark eyebrows and tiny tops. When I was that age it was blue eyeliner, enough hairspray to fell a rhino and Madonna esque lace gloves. Tis fashion, tis fine

The tops you've linked to are pretty standard wear for girls that age at the moment, I would have thought? I think the site is Shein, which is also popular amongst this age group?

From your post I thought they were going to be very revealing, but can't see that they are particularly, so not really sure what your complaint is? Especially if they make her feel good?

I think it’s important to guide her but not shame her. For instance it’s fine to say “you’re going to freeze if you go out without a coat on, take one with you at least!” but not “what kind of message do you think you’re giving going out like that?!”

I also think the book recommended above is a good idea “don’t owe men pretty” and it might be good to have a gentle, non-accusatory talk with her about why young women feel the need to dress a certain way - you should dress to make yourself feel good, not in a way you think you need to, to be noticed by boys. But very important to stay gentle and to let her make the choice for herself.

I think that is just the look nowadays. I make it a policy that I never comment on anything my dd wears except to say that she looks lovely or I like something. Her style completely the other way - baggy sweats and hoodies with chunky trainers and combat boots. She would not wear a dress under any circumstances. It isn’t my cup of tea at all but she is finding her style, not mine and it’s not up to me to tell her what to wear or how to look.

I generally quite like the way kids dress nowadays as it reminds me of my own youth. I seem to remember wearing my fair share of crop tops back in the day when I could pull them off. My dm used to tell me to put a vest on or ask me where my kidney warmer was.

right or wrong it attracts attention from men.

Realistically teenage girls wearing normal school uniform (shirt, skirt and blazer) attract attention from men who are that way inclined.

Exactly how many places is your DD going out to at the moment anyway!? Let her experiment at home as she wants.

My teen relative does that look but the crop tops arent strappy or tight . Maybe try buying her a cute crop top that's not strappy: there's loads of diff crop tops in the shops ,they're as on trend as strappy ones . The 'cut off t-shirt' ones are cute.

Lots of teens are buying these clothes at the moment

At 15 , I think that’s quite normal .

Only once did I say something to my daughter to change . When she had a really short skirt and a low top .

I just said I don’t think that’s quite appropriate . And she did go back take another look and change .

There is a line between showing off a nice figure and making yourself look cheap. But I was pretty liberal

However a family member has an 10/ 11 year old who dresses in very short shorts and crop tops and to be honest although I don’t say anything I do find it uncomfortable . A bit too young I think . IMO

It’s just fashion, teenage girls have been wearing clothes their parents disapprove of for decades. I certainly did in the 90’s, short skirts and halterneck crop tops with hair mascara and body glitter.

I don’t like boobs on show or super short skirts but I wore cropped tops constantly in the 80s and 90s when I was a teen/early twenties and felt amazing. Definitely don’t think a cropped top is inappropriate in itself.

Mines the same but thankfully also likes very baggy hoodies and always wears trainers which go some way to neutralising it. Obviously not how I would choose for her to dress but frankly what are you planning to do about it?!

Revealing? Seriously? What exactly makes people feel uncomfortable? My teen SDD has always worn teeny weeny shorts and crop tops. The two teen SDSs wear nothing but coordinating tracksuits. They can all wear whatever the hell they want.

Fine as long as she isn't a school striker or eco warrior, because at those prices the clothes are slave labour jobs.

They can all wear whatever the hell they want.

and my kids can't. Different parenting, I am not as permissive as you. 🤷

It’s funny as I worry about my 14 year old who lives in leggings/jeans and hoodies, will not wear any tight or short tops at all and is really self conscious but I don’t know why?!

My daughter wears some outfits that give me conniptions. Her grandmother would have a heart attack.

She is dressing for herself, her aesthetic, and her interests. She is fiercely independent, strong minded, artistic, and also a lesbian. What men think about how she dresses doesn't come into it for her.

My other daughter put together an outfit that I was not happy about it going out the door. DH suggested that we accept her wishes, and she went out wearing what she was. She came back very shortly, and changed. She'd noticed how people's reactions to her changed.

I would just explain to her that she only THINKS she wants to wear those clothes because the fashion industry and mass media have told her that she should, and that she's been brainwashed by 50-year-old male CEOs to wear revealing clothing for their pleasure. Ask her why she thinks boys in her year don't dress like that?

And why is that not your own version of brainwashing?

There is a line between showing off a nice figure and making yourself look cheap

Cheap? How are you defining cheap? Can men ever wear clothes that make them look cheap or is it exclusively women?

My DD is currently wearing a shortish skirt with chunky tights, a black crop top and an oversize cardigan over it all (the cardigan is almost longer than the skirt).

She hasn't been out all day. She's dressing for herself, not anyone else.