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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to drown him in a vat of his bloody wine?

115 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 11:34

I’ll say this is lighthearted but I’ll also be honest and say it probably isn’t

Basically, I love wine- love it. Particularly red. I’m not a wine wanker but I’m pretty interested in the different ones, regions, wine tours, etc etc.

As a consequence of being 7 weeks pregnant, I’m not drinking any wine. There are still some beautiful reds in the rack from Christmas that I lovingly chose- I may look at them forlornly from time to time, even give them a stroke, but there they will stay (until the safest opportunity that I can crack one open) it’s all I drink really, I don’t care much for any other alcohol except wines and champagne.

DH enjoys a wine with me too and has indulged me in my wine passion over the years but is really a beer/ale drinker, has been since I met him. Loves a gin or rum and Coke too.

He has now decided that he ‘quite misses’ wine too, and has been reading up on wines of the week at Lidl’s and Aldi etc, and has enjoyed a couple of ‘really nice ones’ already this week. He’s just informed me that he’s ordered A CRATE of wine from Laithwaite’s to ‘stock the rack’.

I did go a bit nuts. Why the fuck has he decided NOW is the perfect time to indulge in what is my favourite thing, when I can’t have it? I’d have NO problem with him cracking on with his beer or run and come because I don’t like those, or even the odd glass of wine here and there, but I think he’s being a dick and I can’t make him see it.

Is it pregnancy hormones and am I being selfish?

Also can I please request that I don’t really wish to canvas any opinions from the competitive ‘under-drinkers’ of mumsnet that open a bottle of wine every six months and drink a thimble at the weekend. You won’t understand.

OP posts:

LouiseTrees · 30/01/2021 11:36

I am an underdrinker if not totally tee total but even I think he should have compassion. I think you should speak to him about it.

Sexnotgender · 30/01/2021 11:36

Happy to provide an alibi.

Misandrylovescompany · 30/01/2021 11:39

Yanbu. He should be more sensitive about it.

Original poster

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 11:41

Run and come= rum and Coke! Why can’t he go and buy a really nice bottle of rum instead?!

OP posts:

HumphreyCobblers · 30/01/2021 11:41

This is mean.

My dh did this with unpasteurised cheese in my first pregnancy. I thought it was gratuitously mean!

Original poster

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 11:42

If he starts with the unpasteurised cheese I’m getting a divorce.

OP posts:

GooodMythicalMorning · 30/01/2021 11:44

I think it's a bit mean. Fine for him to have some but does feel like he's rubbing your nose in it a bit. He could be a bit more sensitive about it.

VinylDetective · 30/01/2021 11:45

It’s incredibly mean. It’s like buying a huge box of truffles when your partner’s just started a diet.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 30/01/2021 11:47

This is really unnecessary of him - he should be trying to stay off the wine in solidarity. Or at least not going on about all the amazing wines he’s had.

On the plus side, he’ll now be hounded by Laithwaites marketing calls for the next year

Original poster

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 11:50

Right I am SO pleased that so far I’m not being unreasonable and he is mean- unfortunately he doesn’t see it and has said he’s just going through ‘a phase’ of enjoying wine and has stomped around saying I’LL BLOODY CANCEL THE CRATE THEN SHALL I?!’ like an overgrown child. Ugh. He’s normally so reasonable!

I do hope Laithwaite’s hound him into madness with marketing calls for the rest of his days.

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/01/2021 11:52

Nooo that’s very mean! What is he thinking

RandomMess · 30/01/2021 11:54

Ask him if you were an alcoholic in recovery would he drink in front of you. Or if you were allergic to chocolate would he think it kind to eat it in front of you??

He's being a complete dick tbh

DimidDavilby · 30/01/2021 11:54

Tell him he can't drink it in front of you, matter of solidarity. YANBU

WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot1 · 30/01/2021 11:55

My husband rarely drinks. I love a drink every night.
I'm seven months pregnant and really looking forward to a glass of wine in the future.
My husband, over the last few months has started having a drink or two a day. I'm pleased to see him enjoying it and I love having a smell of his drinks!
It's difficult, but I can't begrudge him it. At least I know he'll join me a bit more in the future!

I understand your frustration, just saying I'm on the other side 😂

pensivepigeon · 30/01/2021 11:56

Maybe get yourself an expensive food box, skincare or perfume subscription to make up for it? Chocolate subscription? Biscuit subscription? (If you can afford it. If you can't you need to discuss the money divide with him).

Crosstrainer · 30/01/2021 11:57

That’s a bit rotten. Not sure it actually is any consolation, but I’m a wine drinker too - with both my pregnancies I couldn’t stand the thought of it as I went on. So you may just naturally lose the taste for it, which may make your DH and his booze a bit easier to stomach....

PearsandPartridge · 30/01/2021 12:01

@SmidgenofaPigeon - this really made me laugh This was me pregnant, and you describe my relationship with wine perfectly too!

The amount of women telling me during pregnancy that they had aversion to the things weren't good for the foetus (like their body just knew...) and there was me still yearning for my coffee, wine, smoked salmon, blue cheese etc

He is being a bit of a dick though, my DH drank so much more craft beer when I was pregnant, plus he was glad he could splash the cash on some decent whisky too now we didn't have to get wine all the time haha! Seriously OP, take the bottles away from him so then he realises how frustrating it is when he physically can't have it, even though he really wants it 🙈

Ithinkhedidit · 30/01/2021 12:04

Yanbu!!! Yes tell him to cancel the sodding crate and spend the money on some nice beers instead. What a tit!

Shadysback · 30/01/2021 12:05

Can he really not see it? It seems pretty blindingly obvious. What does he say when you point out to him you have had to give it up for your joint benefit, and he is massively rubbing your nose in it?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 30/01/2021 12:09

Massively unreasonable, sorry. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t have a glass of wine - any more than you should have to give up chocolate if he’s diagnosed as diabetic.

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2021 12:10

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I’ll say this is lighthearted but I’ll also be honest and say it probably isn’t

Basically, I love wine- love it. Particularly red. I’m not a wine wanker but I’m pretty interested in the different ones, regions, wine tours, etc etc.

DH enjoys a wine with me too and has indulged me in my wine passion over the years but is really a beer/ale drinker, has been since I met him. Loves a gin or rum and Coke too.

Is it pregnancy hormones and am I being selfish?

I'm not a drinker at all.

I think he's being mean and almost a little bit spiteful, tbh.

FTM91 · 30/01/2021 12:14

Same as you OP except DP is in the wine industry so is also a wine drinker/lover, 20 weeks pregnant here.
I particularly love sparkling wine (not prosecco) champagne or English sparkling and we drink it more often than special occasions because he gets good deals etc and likes it too. (I know that sounds really wanky!)
Anyway at 7 weeks pregnant he comes home with a bottle of my favourite because 'its just been so long since I had some fizz and I really fancied some'
I've told him he'd better get a bloody good one on order, for me to not share in 4 months time

FTM91 · 30/01/2021 12:18

P.s. lots of comment up thread taking this a bit seriously. Sadly we just have to suck it up (and demand the rack is fully stocked back up by the time baby arrives)

Original poster

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 12:28

@StillCoughingandLaughing never said he couldn’t have a glass of wine!

@pensivepigeon nothing to do with money divide at all- obviously we have joint money but plenty of our own spends- he’s used his own money for this, obviously I’d be apologetic if not. I’ve been biting myself a few treats but it doesn’t replace wine

I have had a bit of sickness but nothing that makes me think I couldn’t stomach a lovely glass of wine 😂I’d love to go off it temporarily, truly!

Ok so I did just explain in fairly simple terms that if he could imagine he was on a strict diet. I come home with some lovely salted caramel truffles. I open the box, and take a big sniff, and say thinks like ‘wow this is a REALLY good chocolate’ or ‘I’m definitely going to get some more of these’ ‘these were chocolate of the month in ‘chocolate Monthly’ and I think it went in a bit more, but really, was that performance necessary to make him see it?!

OP posts:

Hoppybunny · 30/01/2021 12:30

please don't waste a perfectly good vat of wine (that you can enjoy post pregnancy) on him ! Pick another method

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