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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to drown him in a vat of his bloody wine?

115 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 11:34

I’ll say this is lighthearted but I’ll also be honest and say it probably isn’t Grin

Basically, I love wine- love it. Particularly red. I’m not a wine wanker but I’m pretty interested in the different ones, regions, wine tours, etc etc.

As a consequence of being 7 weeks pregnant, I’m not drinking any wine. There are still some beautiful reds in the rack from Christmas that I lovingly chose- I may look at them forlornly from time to time, even give them a stroke, but there they will stay (until the safest opportunity that I can crack one open) it’s all I drink really, I don’t care much for any other alcohol except wines and champagne.

DH enjoys a wine with me too and has indulged me in my wine passion over the years but is really a beer/ale drinker, has been since I met him. Loves a gin or rum and Coke too.

He has now decided that he ‘quite misses’ wine too, and has been reading up on wines of the week at Lidl’s and Aldi etc, and has enjoyed a couple of ‘really nice ones’ already this week. He’s just informed me that he’s ordered A CRATE of wine from Laithwaite’s to ‘stock the rack’.

I did go a bit nuts. Why the fuck has he decided NOW is the perfect time to indulge in what is my favourite thing, when I can’t have it? I’d have NO problem with him cracking on with his beer or run and come because I don’t like those, or even the odd glass of wine here and there, but I think he’s being a dick and I can’t make him see it.

Is it pregnancy hormones and am I being selfish?

Also can I please request that I don’t really wish to canvas any opinions from the competitive ‘under-drinkers’ of mumsnet that open a bottle of wine every six months and drink a thimble at the weekend. You won’t understand.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/01/2021 13:07

It's not women getting all flustered about it, PurplePansy05, it's about your partner not being able to have whatever the thing is - and your deciding to have it anyway.

It's not just wine/Wotsits or pregnancy actually, it's anything. Examples I can think of:

  1. Wisdom teeth extraction - choosing to have a treat that they can't instead of waiting;
  2. Bad cold/flu - choosing to have a much loved (by both) Chinese on that day instead of waiting a few days later and eating a loved by non-cold-ridden person - KFC or similar instead.

It's about not indulging in the very thing that your partner can't have (temporarily) instead of waiting until you can both enjoy it - and just having a few fill-ins in the meantime. Grin

ThanksItHasPockets · 30/01/2021 13:09

@PurplePansy05

Well what's the point in him going without? He can have whatever he likes. I really don't get women getting all flustered about it, I love gin and aperol, can't have any now, I specifically told DH to enjoy it if he wants it. I don't see the problem at all Confused
If you’re comfortable with a very small amount of alcohol then an aperol and tonic with a 25ml measure of aperol is less than half a unit.
Sciurus83 · 30/01/2021 13:09

Yes. Yes you should cancel the crate. YANBU

hansgrueber · 30/01/2021 13:11

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Right I am SO pleased that so far I’m not being unreasonable and he is mean- unfortunately he doesn’t see it and has said he’s just going through ‘a phase’ of enjoying wine Confused and has stomped around saying I’LL BLOODY CANCEL THE CRATE THEN SHALL I?!’ like an overgrown child. Ugh. He’s normally so reasonable!

I do hope Laithwaite’s hound him into madness with marketing calls for the rest of his days.

This won't make you feel any better I'm afraid but the Laithwaites people who may ring are lovely to chat with! You could however via them, order delivery of some of their seriously good stuff, not just the cases, to be delivered to a 'friend's' address around the time of your due date, ready for you to drink!
Heronsnest · 30/01/2021 13:12

Congratulations OP!
Does your DH lack empathy in other things too?

PurplePansy05 · 30/01/2021 13:12

Oh please, you won't convince me and I don't need convincing 😄 We just gave different opinions. I knew full well what I would and wouldn't be able to do in pregnancy before we started TTC. After 3 previous losses and being pregnant/miscarrying/TTCing it turned into being quite a lengthy commitment to a healthy lifestyle. So what. I really do not care what DH or other people do, I won't resent them or demand "solidarity" with me, I'm not a child. I'm just getting on with things and so do others. Obviously OP and many of you think differently - fine. We're all entitled to approach it differently. FWIW I certainly wouldn't have such demands in lockdown. People should enjoy what they can now, be it wine, doing exercise that can't be done in pregnancy or whatever else that is allowed at any one time. Literally does not bother me at all.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/01/2021 13:17

PurplePansy05, I'm actually of the same mind as you, I don't mind missing out on things because of x, y, z reason, I know I can have them again if I want them but generally, I want whatever it is that is making me eschew said things in the first place, more.

I can just see the OP's side of things. I bloody hate wine, all tastes like vinegar to me but, she likes it.

FolkyFoxFace · 30/01/2021 13:19

@PurplePansy05

Oh please, you won't convince me and I don't need convincing 😄 We just gave different opinions. I knew full well what I would and wouldn't be able to do in pregnancy before we started TTC. After 3 previous losses and being pregnant/miscarrying/TTCing it turned into being quite a lengthy commitment to a healthy lifestyle. So what. I really do not care what DH or other people do, I won't resent them or demand "solidarity" with me, I'm not a child. I'm just getting on with things and so do others. Obviously OP and many of you think differently - fine. We're all entitled to approach it differently. FWIW I certainly wouldn't have such demands in lockdown. People should enjoy what they can now, be it wine, doing exercise that can't be done in pregnancy or whatever else that is allowed at any one time. Literally does not bother me at all.
I don't see how asking (not demanding, he agreed willingly) my husband to support me in carrying the child we both made/make sure he's available to drive me to hospital if I need it makes me childish (which is what you're insinuating), but if you'd prefer it differently then go ahead. It's your pregnancy.

Personally, I think it's a good way to move forward into parenthood. Just as I don't expect to be left alone to do all night wakings, nappy changes and childcare.

LouLou789 · 30/01/2021 13:21

YANBU, he is being very, very mean. He could easily just have a beer or two now and then.

PurplePansy05 · 30/01/2021 13:22

Personally, I think it's a good way to move forward into parenthood. Just as I don't expect to be left alone to do all night wakings, nappy changes and childcare.

Lol, no, neither do I, interesting how your mind automatically wandered to entirely unrelated topics. To me food and drink has absolutely nothing to do with empathy or partnership and sacrificing it by a partner or anyone in your circle just because you can't have it for a few months achieves precisely nothing 😂 But each to their own!

LegoAndLolDolls · 30/01/2021 13:22

I would bet its pregnancy hormones. Brace yourself for the next 7 months. I should have been isolated from humanity at some points in my pregnancies. I look back now and cringe

DeciduousPerennial · 30/01/2021 13:24

It’s the beverage equivalent of “here’s what you could have won” - like showing you the motorboat on Bullseye when you’re going home with the slow cooker (I.e. non-alcoholic wine or cheddar or well-done steak).

I don’t really see how he doesn’t see it.

FolkyFoxFace · 30/01/2021 13:29

@PurplePansy05

Personally, I think it's a good way to move forward into parenthood. Just as I don't expect to be left alone to do all night wakings, nappy changes and childcare.

Lol, no, neither do I, interesting how your mind automatically wandered to entirely unrelated topics. To me food and drink has absolutely nothing to do with empathy or partnership and sacrificing it by a partner or anyone in your circle just because you can't have it for a few months achieves precisely nothing 😂 But each to their own!

But it does. It's a change in lifestyle. Both parents made the decision to have a child, and for 9 months it's only the woman's life that changes. For men, nothing changes really until the birth - and even then the societal expectation is that most things fall to the woman. They can't breastfeed. They don't have to labour. I think some small shards of solidarity is a good thing.

It's your decision not to, there's no need to start calling people childish and demanding because they don't agree with you. Like you said, each to their own.

Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 13:33

Ooh I like the Bullseye analogy a lot- I even read it in the late great Jim Bowen’s voice 😂

OP posts:
AStudyinPink · 30/01/2021 13:35

Wouldn’t get too worked up as long as it wasn’t constant, myself.

Nousernameforme · 30/01/2021 13:43

When I was pregnant with older dc the advice was not to eat nuts if you have allergies. Now I bloody love a snickers and DP has never been fussed about chocolate or sweet stuff but every pregnancy had him chomping down on loads of them. Dick move.

Yanbu @SmidgenofaPigeon

turtletattle · 30/01/2021 16:43

Tell him my dh didn't drink red on our two week holiday to Italy when I was 6 months because he knew it was one of my main pleasures, he stuck mostly to beer.

He's inconsiderate!

Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 18:55

@turtletattle ohhh I move Italian wine!! We spent our honeymoon in Tuscany. I’m not sure I could go to Italy at all if I had to stay off the wine 😂

He’s drinking it right now, watching the football, and it’s pissing me off no end that he can’t crack open a Peroni like he normally would while watching sport! Apparently the weather is to blame, perfect day to curl up warm inside with a glass of something rich and red. YES I BLOODY KNOW IT IS.

OP posts:
FreakinFrankNFurter · 30/01/2021 19:18

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Massively unreasonable, sorry. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t have a glass of wine - any more than you should have to give up chocolate if he’s diagnosed as diabetic.
If I was a chocolate fan but my DH who has never really been a big chocolate fan, only eating it occasionally, suddenly decided to start eating it a few times a week and ordering lots of different types etc just as I was diagnosed with diabetes then I would be seriously pissed off and think he was being a selfish git and actually quite spiteful
FreakinFrankNFurter · 30/01/2021 19:19

[quote SmidgenofaPigeon]@turtletattle ohhh I move Italian wine!! We spent our honeymoon in Tuscany. I’m not sure I could go to Italy at all if I had to stay off the wine 😂

He’s drinking it right now, watching the football, and it’s pissing me off no end that he can’t crack open a Peroni like he normally would while watching sport! Apparently the weather is to blame, perfect day to curl up warm inside with a glass of something rich and red. YES I BLOODY KNOW IT IS.[/quote]
Would you like an alibi? Angry

Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 19:21

@FreakinFrankNFurter yes please!! He’s being an absolute bellend, I’m hoping a jury would see my side.

OP posts:
FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 30/01/2021 19:23

YANBU. My husband is a beer drinker. For years, literally all he touched was beer. I like most drinks other than beer. He very occasionally drank white wine with food but never, ever red. When I was pregnant and missing red wine, he had some with a meal and told me it was really quite nice and I felt like chucking it over him. He also told me how stressed he was and how he was so glad to be opening a cold beer as it was the only thing that made him feel better after a particularly bad day at work. He has a bit of a lack of imagination and empathy. It's one thing not martyring yourself for the sake of it, but quite another to rub someone elses face into it when they're already finding it hard.

And all the people that 'didn't fancy booze' or 'went off the taste of alcohol' when they were pregnant seemed a bit alien to me, I was dying for a cocktail the whole way through

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 30/01/2021 19:27

My best friends husband gave up alcohol for the whole 9 months she was pregnant to show solidarity!
I did drum into my husband how inconsiderate I found him. He occasionally goes on a diet and I asked him how hed have felt if he said he was dieting and I smiled and said I understood and then dialled in for a curry/ pizza for one and ate it infront of him saying 'fucking hell it's soooooo good'. Eventually he would ask if I mended him having a drink and 99pc of the time it would take the wind out of my sails and I'd say it was fine. It's just the acknowelegemt that you're giving up something you enjoy for his baby (its always his baby when shit goes down), he could at least be a bit grateful

Godimabitch · 30/01/2021 19:29

He's not being very compassionate. Obviously he pregnancy is affecting your reaction but I dont think because you're hormonal but because pregnancy can be hard, theres loads of things you cant have or do and for someone to start rubbing in your face that they can enjoy something you cant is shitty.

Ileflottante · 30/01/2021 19:31

I was pregnant over at a new year once and while I had a couple of small glasses of champagne, everyone else got trollied and fuck me, were they annoying. Games aren’t particularly fun when you’re sober and everyone else is pissed. And I was the last one up tidying up. Ugh.

I’m all for sober-in-solidarity.

Let’s start a movement.