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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to drown him in a vat of his bloody wine?

115 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 11:34

I’ll say this is lighthearted but I’ll also be honest and say it probably isn’t Grin

Basically, I love wine- love it. Particularly red. I’m not a wine wanker but I’m pretty interested in the different ones, regions, wine tours, etc etc.

As a consequence of being 7 weeks pregnant, I’m not drinking any wine. There are still some beautiful reds in the rack from Christmas that I lovingly chose- I may look at them forlornly from time to time, even give them a stroke, but there they will stay (until the safest opportunity that I can crack one open) it’s all I drink really, I don’t care much for any other alcohol except wines and champagne.

DH enjoys a wine with me too and has indulged me in my wine passion over the years but is really a beer/ale drinker, has been since I met him. Loves a gin or rum and Coke too.

He has now decided that he ‘quite misses’ wine too, and has been reading up on wines of the week at Lidl’s and Aldi etc, and has enjoyed a couple of ‘really nice ones’ already this week. He’s just informed me that he’s ordered A CRATE of wine from Laithwaite’s to ‘stock the rack’.

I did go a bit nuts. Why the fuck has he decided NOW is the perfect time to indulge in what is my favourite thing, when I can’t have it? I’d have NO problem with him cracking on with his beer or run and come because I don’t like those, or even the odd glass of wine here and there, but I think he’s being a dick and I can’t make him see it.

Is it pregnancy hormones and am I being selfish?

Also can I please request that I don’t really wish to canvas any opinions from the competitive ‘under-drinkers’ of mumsnet that open a bottle of wine every six months and drink a thimble at the weekend. You won’t understand.

OP posts:
Rupertbeartrousers · 30/01/2021 12:32

It’s his baby too, early pregnancy can be a real slog, there’s not much he can do to support you, but not rubbing your nose in it is definitely something he can do to help.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 30/01/2021 12:32

Has he seen the error of his ways?

ThanksItHasPockets · 30/01/2021 12:33

Not really the point of the thread but you can have unpasteurised hard cheese!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/01/2021 12:39

I'm teetotal but understand this perfect. The crate and the lascivious attention to wines from Lidl could wait until you're able to drink them too.

It would be akin to my not being able to eat Wotsits (for some valid reason) and my general crisp-eating husband deciding that Wotsits are his snack of choice. Not on.

You're not being unreasonable but I wouldn't waste a vat of your favourite think to drown him in... a sharp smack on the head with a non-favourite bottle would do the job just as well.

CatRatSplat · 30/01/2021 12:43

Let the crate come, surely they will need to sit in your wine rack and mature for about a year? 😃

CrotchBurn · 30/01/2021 12:43

I voted YABU because I don't see the problem with having a glass of wine a week

Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 12:43

I don’t know what I was thinking- you’re right, a vat of even horrid cheap of cheap wine would be a waste on this. If he keeps it up I shall think of another method.

He sort of sees where I’m coming from now but he’s pretty grumpy about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 12:46

@CrotchBurn do you mean ME having a glass of week, or him?

If it’s the latter, I did say in the OP I’ve no problem with this. If it’s the former, once I get through to the second trimester I probably will have a small glass on occasion if I fancy it. I’m twitchy about doing this now because we had an early loss last time I was pregnant.

OP posts:
JovialNickname · 30/01/2021 12:48

That is mean, and the next time he says I'LL JUST SEND THE CRATE BACK THEN SHALL I I'd just calmly say yes please. Going without a drink he's never shown any interest in anyway is no sacrifice compared to the hardship of pregnancy/labour/birth, he needs to show some solidarity!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/01/2021 12:48

I had this very same row with DH. I had 3 excellent bottles of amarone di valpolicella stashed away and he had the cheek to open one if them when I was pregnant with DD. And drink it in front of me. I was fuming.

LOTM · 30/01/2021 12:50

See if he'll agree to a "trade" system. Every time he opens a bottle of wine, that's 1 night in the future that he has to go settle the baby. Keep track of it with post its on the fridge.

Worth it's weight in gold. If he does agree, he'll probably stop of his own accord when the fridge door starts scaring him ;)

FolkyFoxFace · 30/01/2021 12:50

I don't get why men don't give these things up, too! I know they don't physically have to, but they don't have to go through any of the pains and trials and tribulations pregnancy brings, so the least they can do is go sober for 9 months in solidarity. I love wine and I warned DH that I expected him to join me in my enforced separation. He's managed fine for 8 months. It's made him creative with the mocktails. He's also lost weight which he's pleased about, so it's win-win all round!

Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 12:50

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland that is BEYOND THE PALE Angry

to be fair it’s not like he’s never shown any interest, we’ve enjoyed wine together but before he met me he didn’t give a shit about wine, and I think if he’s just as happy with a beer or a rum they for the most part it’s no hardship for him to mainly stick to those!

OP posts:
CrotchBurn · 30/01/2021 12:51

@SmidgenofaPigeon
Flowers I am very sorry to hear about your loss, and congratulations on your pregnancy now. I did actually mean you! But I totally understand why you would feel too nervy.

FWIW I do think its slightly dickish of him. I think I would expect my partner to even join me on going no booze for the period if he was up for it, but if not, I would expect him to be discreet about it (I like a drink)

CrotchBurn · 30/01/2021 12:51

@FolkyFoxFace

Agreed. I think men who dont are actually a bit pathetic

IEat · 30/01/2021 12:54

Eat something he hates right in front of him
Oh I didn’t realise you couldn’t eat x

GoodQueenAlysanne · 30/01/2021 12:54

I don't drink, but I do smoke, so I get why you're annoyed! It would be like me being pregnant, having to stop smoking and my dp deciding now is a good time to take it up again. That would piss me off no end.

FolkyFoxFace · 30/01/2021 12:54

[quote CrotchBurn]@FolkyFoxFace

Agreed. I think men who dont are actually a bit pathetic[/quote]
Me too. Who wants to sit there in front of their partner, enjoying something you know they can't have? It just twists my knickers. They don't have to do anything differently at all, while our lives basically change. It's only 9 bloody months.

PurplePansy05 · 30/01/2021 12:57

You're OTT. I'm pregnant too and it didn't cross my mind to demand that my DH stops having food and drinks that I can't have right now. It's only temporary, FGS Hmm

Candleabra · 30/01/2021 12:57

This is why there's such inequality between the sexes. This is the start, in my opinion, of a joint decision to have a child that impacts the woman so much more than the man.
For ever.
Even the lovely men who are involved in the children's lives and great dads, it's just not the same. The mother is almost always the default parent with all the sacrifices this entails. The father's life continues - social life, hobbies, career progression etc etc - and he is also lauded to a ridiculous extent for undertaking the most basic childcare.

Whereas women do nearly everything.

Plussizejumpsuit · 30/01/2021 12:58

Maybe just waterboard him in the bloody wine? It's really inconsiderate of him to do this now. I love chocolate. I can't imagine going without. If my partner suddenly bought a vat of hotel chocolate while I couldn't have any I'd be really angry. Yanbu.

Especially because women are the ones who get to grow the baby and do all the hard work. Least he can do it not be a dick.

Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/01/2021 12:58

Well, if it wasn’t lockdown, I’d suggest he only drinks round a mate’s or in the pub, we actually agreed that the last time- but yeah obviously those options aren’t available right now.

Laithwaite’s is cancelled.

OP posts:
CrotchBurn · 30/01/2021 12:58

@PurplePansy05
Well if its only temporary what's the harm in him going without?

PurplePansy05 · 30/01/2021 13:02

Well what's the point in him going without? He can have whatever he likes. I really don't get women getting all flustered about it, I love gin and aperol, can't have any now, I specifically told DH to enjoy it if he wants it. I don't see the problem at all Confused

FolkyFoxFace · 30/01/2021 13:06

@PurplePansy05

Well what's the point in him going without? He can have whatever he likes. I really don't get women getting all flustered about it, I love gin and aperol, can't have any now, I specifically told DH to enjoy it if he wants it. I don't see the problem at all Confused
For me, part of it is the solidarity. We chose to make a baby, and yet it's only me that has to deal with the painful/boring/tiring bits. He can't physically carry it, but he can rub my back and run me baths, and make sure I'm comfortable. I can't drink, so he joins me in solidarity. It's his child too. Quite frankly, I also couldn't stand to be around someone tipsy on social occasions for instance while I'm stone cold sober. I also need someone available to drive me to the hospital should I need it at any given moment.
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