Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

Someone once told me I was the ugliest woman he had ever met. He was a friend, I'd known him a while and we were out in a group. Twenty years later I've never forgotten or really ever believed myself attractive since. Cheers rob.

If only we could package up the pain and give it back with a note 'no thanks'.

However, if I didn't have a horrible Nan who twisted my words and confused me as a child I couldn't empathise with these posts. Inside I'm raging and feeling pain as I read the posts, but another part of me thinks get lost to the mean people, actually the people who don't put others down are nicer and there is strength in caring.

I had a nasty grandmother. She told me after a visit “you were actually quite pleasant this time. You’re usually vile.” I was about 7 and never said boo to a goose. I was so shy, I just sat quietly and did my drawings. I certainly had never been a badly behaved child, didn’t have it in me.

When I was 15 she told me that my mother would only become more jealous of me because I was young and pretty, and she could never really love me.

Deeply unpleasant and spiteful woman.

On the other hand, my other grandmother was salt of the earth wonderful. ❤️

I know that the way my sister and mother has affected how I treat my kids. Unfortunately ds1's grandparents were more manipulative than I could counter. But ds2 and I have a very close relationship. I've been 48 hours too early whenever I've taken him to the dr and if he has issues at school I'm there questioning it. I have never criticised his clothing choices, although I did question his choice of skinny shorts. I.e are they not restricting things, also telling him that he's entitled to wear them

At middle school in a PE lesson we were told to make a “team” of 3, one girl who was a complete arsehole and bully told the whole class not to let me join them, the humiliation I felt as I went round the class asking could I join them and all of them saying no, has stayed with me for nearly 40 years. To make matters worse she told the teacher I’d been saying nasty stuff (I absolutely hadnt) and I got shouted at by the teacher for being bitchy. Later in life I worked with her and she caused trouble for me at work too, with lies etc, the physchopath.

Me & my dh own our own business. One night, I made a mistake with the change I was giving the customer. My dh got really pissed off with me about it & shouted at me in front of a shopfull of customers & staff thst I needed to go back to school & re learn maths. I was so so humiliated. I sat back in my seat & cried.

All through primary and most of secondary I was gawky and thin with red hair in a long plait. I also won all the english and drama awards and attendance ones.
So I was used to getting a bit of stick for it.
But I had a brace and was very self conscious of it and one boy decided to remark " look at the weird girl with the funny hair and the dragon teeth" and that stuck with me. It took years (even after the brace was removed) to be able to smile confidently so boys usually thought I was moody and ignored me. I was just desperately shy!
I now teach in my old school and still remember the room this happened in.
I got a lot of consolation from reading Anne of Green Gables, and my lovely auntie who told me I d be a beauty at 21.
By 21 I didnt care but yes my looks did improve!

A group of my lifelong friends bumped into me about 4 weeks after my DH had died. It was a lovely spring day and one of the first times I had been out seen he had passed away. We stood chatting for a while, and then one “friend” piped up with ‘well, look at your lovely clothes... you’ve obviously done well out of it (his death!)
My mouth literally dropped open...
The other girls hurried her away...
Still can’t believe it, 20 years on. I’ve know her for over 50 years😕

** since not seen

I have a mild speech impediment a have trouble with my R’s. I opened up to my friend about how it made me feel embarrassed. She immediately said, “oh you must feel weally, weally widiculous.”

These stories are heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for each one.

My dads family are a piece of work (as is he). His mum I didn’t meet till I was 11, and she just couldn’t be bothered with me. Doted on my younger cousin who was her other granddaughter but not me. And his sister was even worse! I think she personally felt threatened by my Dad having a daughter, as she was younger and he very much looked out for her in a paternal way. She’d shout at me loudly in front of family who were around, call me lazy, laugh at my fear of her big dogs, and just generally be quite cruel & exclude me from things, she’d take my brother out for day trips etc and never me. The icing on the cake was when I was 11, she got married and invited my family. Except me, as no children allowed. Her niece, very very well behaved, was the only member of my family not invited! I mean, did she think my parents & brother would go and not me? None of us went in the end, cruel cruel woman.

When I was a teenager there seemed to be so much focus on my looks - my parents would constantly nag me about being podgy/overeating etc, a boy on holiday told me I had a big bum, some boys in the street threw stones at me as they thought I had a fat arse, a boy wrote a letter to me telling me how ugly I was. I was actually a size 8 (admittedly with a full behind!) and very pretty! I was so much happier when I put on a lot of weight as I just became invisible! I'm still a few stone overweight but I don't give a crap about how I look and I married a man who thinks my bum is the most beautiful thing in the world and tells me daily . So I never forgot those comments but it made me a much better mother as my kids are very aware that looks don't matter one bit!

Yes. My aunt. We (Husband and I) had been to stay for a weekend when going through a turbulent time in our lives. All having a nice time. Husband was taken ill and stayed resting in bed the next day. He was bad-tempered and just wanted to be left alone. Aunt became very bad-tempered and swore at my uncle. Everything went wrong. We went home, I wrote a letter to thsnk her and apologise. Met her a year later at a wedding. Went up to her and gave her a hug. I was anxious to make up as i had heard nothing from her.
She pushed me away and didn’t say one word.
If I answer the phone at my parent’s house now she hangs up.
It still hurts a lot.

I saw a message written by one ‘friend’ of mine to another that I had ‘the face and body of a pig’.

I was 13. 24 years later I still die a bit inside thinking about it.

She was right.

@TheSultanofPingu

The stories of adults being unkind are so depressing. What is wrong with some people!?

I honestly think there was something evil in that generation, caused by having lived through the Wars.

As I'm reading these, it makes me think of one time I was cruel to another kid and I think about it often.

I was being picked on myself, I always was. I was fat, ginger, had acne and wore braces in high school.

There was a girl who was in my class and she lived facing my Nana's house. I can't remember why exactly, but I know that the people that picked on me were telling me if I shoved this girl, they'd go easy on me or something. My memory of what they said exactly is vague but I remember them encouraging me, "go on, go on". So I ran up behind this poor girl and gave her a shove. And they shouted harder, so I shoved her again, and I remember her stumbling forwards but she never said a word back. She just carried on walking. I felt like utter shit.

Not long after that same evening, I got the absolute bollocking of a lifetime off my dad who drove me around to her house to apologise after her dad had gone over to my nana.

After that, we became friends. I don't know how she ever forgave me, even though I would never have intentionally hurt somebody like that without being forced to by people I was scared of, too. As I say, I still think of it to this day. The poor girl. She didn't deserve me doing that to her, and I certainly didn't deserve her friendship after.

Like others have noted, whilst I had a really nasty grandmother who made it clear she didn't like me (from childhood!) I also had a wonderful darling of another grandmother. She made everything ok and I really loved her.
So I can't accept it was a generational/war thing - I just think some people gain enjoyment and power from hurting others. When it's an adult to a child and especially one that is supposed to love the child, it is evil and I think down to their psyche rather than their circumstances.

It was Christmas and I was in year 4 (so 8ish) and I was excited because it was soon time for the school play and I wanted to have a part so I was keen to help the teacher doing something so I could hopefully get in her 'good books' and get a part.

I was probably that bit too over enthusiastic like children at that age and I still remember the teacher just groaning at another teacher and saying "God, this child....!!!" making a wringing of the neck gesture.

My so called DM. She’s called me everything from fat, to a bitch, a slut at the dinner table when I was 19 after she found my pill, that none of my friends like me (that was 2 years ago) and when I was around 15 and had a lump on my knee she told me it was probably cancer.

While these remarks have killed my soul somewhat I’ve also taken advantage by ensuring I NEVER talk to my two DS like that. I have a wonderful relationship with them and my motto is “respect is earned, not given”, no matter who you are in that person’s life

@hintofvintagepink I bet she wasn't! Just like bloody Gary in year 8 wasnt. He was just a dickhead and I wish I d told him he had a face like a squashed arse.
But I still had that comment in my head the other day when a colleague told me the kids always ask me for help as I have "a nice smile".

That's so sad OP. I know we should let go of the hurts and disappointments that we have experienced in life but sometimes it is very hard.

@HintOfVintagePink She wasn't right. She was being a nasty brat.

I was 19. Sitting on a wall minding my own business waiting for a friend. A male runner came past and said to me “nice legs shame about the face”. This was 35 years ago. Why would he do that? I hope karma got him.

My adult DD has just read this thread. She said, through tears, and I feel so so sad she's remembered, that when she was little at the ( ordered contact) contact centre her father saying ," it's nasty mummy's fault that we have to come to this horrible place, isn't mummy horrible doing that to you?" She was only five. An awful memory but heartbreakingly one of the more tame episodes of his behaviour she witnessed. The effect cruel words can have on children is quite extraordinary.