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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snobbery

249 replies

ShrikeAttack · 28/01/2021 22:46

So much, and all pointless.

I've just come from a thread about garden furniture. Do people really care about other's garden furniture?

Is it not just a manifestation of your own insecurity? There are many, many things I wouldn't choose, because I don't like them, for whatever reason. But to not choose them because you consider them beneath you?

How utterly dreadful. How utterly small of you to judge somebody because of their choice of garden furniture, or their sofa or plates.

Why do you care so much?

Because you use micro-signifiers to reassure yourself that you're better. That you've come far.

There's a huge amount of bollox on MN about class, it's almost an obsession.

Many of you have been sold a pup. It's not really about class, it's about confidence. There are plenty of 'working class' people who have done well for themselves, and feel very happy and confident about it.

I think after WW1, and WW2, followed by huge death taxes on estates there became a huge mass of UC folks who became the mental custodians of a life that no longer existed. And thus the 'genteel poverty' idea came to be something to aspire to.

The majority of these people actually came from 'new money" though. There are very few true 'old money' families still extant today.

Look at the National Trust houses that the 'Middle Class' like to visit. Full of guilding, marble, gold, plunder and excess.

The wannabe Middle-class seem to want to be the disenfranchised upper-class.

The new upper-class are actually the tech lords.

I guess my AIBU is, why do people think they are better just because they cling on to a mad idea of what is good, or classy, or right?

OP posts:
Summersun2020 · 28/01/2021 22:49

You have hit the nail on the head OP. Quite sad, really.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 28/01/2021 22:57

It's terrible on here. You're right OP.

On a thread the other day, someone was worried that being overweight would give people the impression she was working class 🙄.

CrotchBurn · 28/01/2021 22:59

Who gives a shit though?

Walkacrossthesand · 28/01/2021 23:05

Those who matter, don't mind; those who mind, don't matter.

Original poster
ShrikeAttack · 28/01/2021 23:06

Obviously People do @CrotchBurn.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShrikeAttack · 28/01/2021 23:25

Well yes @Walkacrossthesand.

But it's really important to know that you do mind. And matter.

It's not up to anyone else to say that you don't.

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 28/01/2021 23:26

Completely agree.

The hideous 'how much do you earn' and 'how much do you have in savings' type threads do my head in, as they bring out the most hideous braggarts and blowhards. Many are exaggerating and telling tall tales, but they are still cringeworthy to read.

I read one thread last year where the OP asked how much people have in their pension. A bunch of posters came in with £450,000 so far, and then £500,000 so far, and then every braggy post after that trumped the last. Until one poster said they had £1.5 million in it. If any of it WAS true, I bet they don't have all that money now, as many private pensions have tanked with the covid pandemic.

Going back to what you said @ShrikeAttack one thread that reeks of snobbery and the faux middle-classes looking down their nose at people, is the 'AIBU to think NO-ONE has dinner before 6pm?'

Didn't take long before the snobs came along with their 'only the working classes have dinner before 6pm! Middle classes like me have it at around 7.30pm.' And 'only the lower classes' say 'tea' for the evening meal.

Also, these obtuse, small-minded, faux-middle classes, don't stop for a minute to think that people work different and varying hours these days, and some work from home, so some working classes may eat their evening meal at 8pm, and some middle classes at 5.15pm.

Those kind of threads bring out the worst people on mumsnet.

littlepattilou · 28/01/2021 23:28

Oh, and let's not forget the HUNDREDS of people on here who earn £100,000 or more a year. And couldn't imagine how ANYONE could survive on a crappy salary like £40,000 a year... Wink

Original poster
ShrikeAttack · 28/01/2021 23:31

Indeed @littlepattilou.

OP posts:
SwimmingOnEggshells · 28/01/2021 23:34

Where's the garden furniture thread? (Misses the point entirely)

But yes I agree, I know someone who goes on and on and on about her garden furniture and it's so blinking boring!

Ginfordinner · 28/01/2021 23:36

@littlepattilou

Oh, and let's not forget the HUNDREDS of people on here who earn £100,000 or more a year. And couldn't imagine how ANYONE could survive on a crappy salary like £40,000 a year... Wink
I posted on one of those threads saying that I didn't personally know anyone on a 6 figure salary, and they didn't believe me.

I don't live anywhere near London and don't have any lawyer friends, friends who work in finance, hospital consultant friends or headteacher friends. These people on MN move in different circles from me.

There is some horrific snobbery on those threads and the same people express their horror at posters whose DC don't aspire to a top 10 university and who aren't interested in working in a magic circle/top finance firm in the city or becoming a hospital consultant.

I feel better for that Grin

littlepattilou · 28/01/2021 23:37

@ShrikeAttack

Indeed *@littlepattilou*.
Flowers
Original poster
ShrikeAttack · 28/01/2021 23:39

I don't even think it's about money or salaries @littlepattilou.

There will always be someone that earns more than you, or knows more than you.

BUT, it's about someone that you perceive could be better than you. And that's where it's an unbearable difference.

OP posts:
Blackberrycream · 28/01/2021 23:41

It makes me laugh when I read some of it. It comes across in exactly the opposite way than I think the posters intend. People with such strong feelings about what is the correct taste clearly don’t mix in wide circles. It sounds very insular.
Greyson Perry is very good on the subject of taste.

Ginfordinner · 28/01/2021 23:42

I don't know if anyone remembers the how you hold your cutlery thread. That was an eye opener. I think some people use Debretts as their bible and don't stray from the rules.

Fizbosshoes · 28/01/2021 23:43

I surely cant be the only person who hasnt the faintest idea how much my friends (or their DHs) or even my family earn. I know it must be more than me as they have more "professional" jobs and a lot more disposable income. I wouldnt dream of asking them though!

Blackberrycream · 28/01/2021 23:44

I was enjoying the garden furniture thread but probably for the wrong reasons. I think someone was accused of living on a cul de sac at one point.
There was a dog thread a bit ago where several dogs were classed as common too. It descended into the correct label of wellies.

OutComeTheWolves · 28/01/2021 23:45

I'm going to borrow your use of the word micro-signifiers and use it when I'm complaining about this in real life.

I couldn't agree more and it does my head in; though you've articulated it far better than I can.

I'm redecorating my house and I notice it a lot on the home decor threads.

Scottishskifun · 28/01/2021 23:45

The only people I know on 6 figure salaries have been the bosses of places where I have worked (and I mean big bosses)

I don't care about what people earn or what garden furniture. I do buy wooden toys as my son can't break them and I think there is too much plastic!

I admit to being snobby for my family about holidays but I don't see the point in paying for something that isn't us and we wouldn't enjoy!

I generally find a lot of people are keeping up with the Jones especially in my part of Scotland but I learnt in the last downturn a lot of it is on credit even for the rich people!

JayAlfredPrufrock · 28/01/2021 23:46

Who gives a shit. Judge quietly all the time. 🤷‍♀️

OutComeTheWolves · 28/01/2021 23:47

Also can you please point me in the direction of the garden furniture thread; it's piqued my curiosity!

My guess is hot tubs and dark grey rattan = shit. Hand made wooden arbours = good.

Fizbosshoes · 28/01/2021 23:47

Following my last comment, some of my friends (or their DH) probably are on 6 figure salaries...meh. it doesnt make them any better than me (or any worse)

wetwiped · 28/01/2021 23:48

Because you use micro-signifiers to reassure yourself that you're better.

Absolutely agree.

alexdgr8 · 28/01/2021 23:49

snobsnet.
we just let the proles in so we can look down on them.

5foot5 · 28/01/2021 23:51

I obviously have missed some of the threads you mention. I had no idea there was any sort of class indicators associated with garden furniture. However you have reminder me that we have left our garden chairs outside and should have put them in the garage weeks ago. Had them a while and I think they came from B&M so I am guessing they are not UC 🙂

I must admit I am a member of NT and do like a stately home. Heigh Ho.

Oh and I don't think I know anyone who earns 6 figure but yes I do have nearly £500k in my pension. But that is nothing to do with snobbery or class or bragging. It's a result of being old enough to have been paying in to it for many years