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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your experiences of getting married young

142 replies

Gettingmarriedyoung55 · 28/01/2021 17:31

Just that really. I won’t go into all the ins and outs as my situation is very specific and wouldn’t really be helpful to recite. But Aibu to ask for your experiences of getting married young (and exactly how old you were) whether you or people you know?

OP posts:
Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 28/01/2021 17:34

What are you counting as young? Under 18? Under 21? Under 25? Under 30?

Original poster
Gettingmarriedyoung55 · 28/01/2021 17:36

@Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear

What are you counting as young? Under 18? Under 21? Under 25? Under 30?
Under 25 I think but I’m not so sure exactly where the line is maybe under 23?
OP posts:
meltedgalaxy · 28/01/2021 17:37

I was 25, I didn't feel too young. It was the perfect time for me. I'm my husbands second wife.

First wife he married at 24 (he's older than me) and he feels he was too young when they married

Watsername · 28/01/2021 17:37

I married at 23 (DH is 3 years older), so I suppose that I would have been considered young. Just celebrated our 20th Anniversary.

severussnaperus · 28/01/2021 17:39

20

Divorced by 25 Grin

Original poster
Gettingmarriedyoung55 · 28/01/2021 17:39

@Watsername

I married at 23 (DH is 3 years older), so I suppose that I would have been considered young. Just celebrated our 20th Anniversary.
Congratulations
OP posts:
Firawla · 28/01/2021 17:39

I was 18 and he was 19. I think it’s one of those things that could have gone either way - and luckily it worked out. There are so many more variables than just age.

TreacleHart · 28/01/2021 17:39

Married at 19 . First child at 21 , 2nd at 25 . Divorced 19 years later.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 28/01/2021 17:39

OK well I was 25 and DH was 22 so fairly young although not young young, looking back I feel we were really young Grin

By and large it has gone well, we are still together 7 years later and have a DS :) We have had difficult times and I think some of that was connected to age (not being the most sensible with money etc) but we have grown and learnt together. I think the key thing that has kept us strong is the fact that we both make each other laugh, even in the worst times we have been able to laugh together.

Plonque · 28/01/2021 17:40

I got married at 23, I probably shouldn't have. I should have been living my life.
The good thing is that now I'm looking at being single with fairly independent aged kids and still young enough to go out and enjoy myself. Lots of people my age are still having babies and in the frazzled stage.

EnormousSexyCrimeUnit · 28/01/2021 17:41

Met at university, got married at 24 and 23 respectively, still together in our fifties. It feels very young with hindsight, but no regrets.

GloveFromAbove · 28/01/2021 17:41
  1. Still happily married 25 years later. Looking back I was too young to get married, but was possibly an ‘old’ 21 year old. I look at my DCs and would hate them to be married at 21 (not an issue both are older!)!
MaverickDanger · 28/01/2021 17:41

I think there’s a difference between being under 25 and getting married 20+ years ago, and being under 25 today and getting married.

I’m 30 & quite a few of my school friends got married between 19 and 25. Only one couple are still together. Interestingly not one of them went to university/further education, but started working instead, whereas friends who did go to university didn’t get married until at least 28.

DavidDuchovnysRedPants · 28/01/2021 17:42

I was 23 and we'd only been together 18 months. I come from small, very working class town and most of my cousin's were married by this age, so everyone was thrilled for me.

23 years on and we're still married. We waiting to have kids, and did a lot of travelling and things together. But, if I had my time over, no, I wouldn't have married so young.

Mylittlesandwich · 28/01/2021 17:42

When we got married I was 22, DH was 28. We've been married 6 years now and DS is 14 months. It's going well so far.

When we were first married it didn't really change much, we lived together already before then. The far bigger change was having DS but I feel like we've coped well.

Plonque · 28/01/2021 17:43

I look at my DCs and would hate them to be married at 21

This is my nightmare!

maddy68 · 28/01/2021 17:43

I got married at 21 been married 29 years. We grew up together. It's nice

Original poster
Gettingmarriedyoung55 · 28/01/2021 17:44

@Plonque

I look at my DCs and would hate them to be married at 21

This is my nightmare!

I’m sorry to be obtuse but why specifically is it because there are things you don’t want them to miss out on or another reason?
OP posts:
Mynextname · 28/01/2021 17:47

Not married but had our first child 20/21. Now in our early 30s.

I wouldn't advise it personally. Saying that everyone's experience is different. I think it would be ideal to wait until at least 25 to make any major commitments. The brain still hasn't fully matured until that point. I know we keep learning throughout life but there is so much difference between say 20 to 25.

bunny27 · 28/01/2021 17:47

We were both 19. Still happily married 38 years later. Husband got diagnosed very early on in the Marriage with a chronic bowel disease, followed by many operations and this illness has sorely tested us which affect our finances too. However the good times have outweighed the bad.

Original poster
Gettingmarriedyoung55 · 28/01/2021 17:47

@MaverickDanger

I think there’s a difference between being under 25 and getting married 20+ years ago, and being under 25 today and getting married.

I’m 30 & quite a few of my school friends got married between 19 and 25. Only one couple are still together. Interestingly not one of them went to university/further education, but started working instead, whereas friends who did go to university didn’t get married until at least 28.

I agree with the first part and also find it interesting about the uni thing
OP posts:
seepingweeping · 28/01/2021 17:48

I was 25 when I got married.

Still happily married.

Plonque · 28/01/2021 17:48

I missed out on so much, i don't suppose 23 is that young but we were together from me being 18 and I gave up everything to please him, basically.
I just hope they don't settle and at least manage a few good experiences before they start popping out babies. I'm a complete different parent to what my parents were though, much better - even if I do say so myself. I'm hopeful they'll make good choices.

BarryTheKestrel · 28/01/2021 17:48

Married at 22, still happily together 10 years later.

However looking back we were definitely too young (DH is 3 years older). We jumped into marriage, renovations, kids, without really living a life together, we'd been together less than 2 years at the time. We both wish we'd waited a bit longer and done more stuff together whilst we could without ties.

But overall we are happy, just with some regrets of time spent, but with plans to rectify in future.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 28/01/2021 17:49

I was 20 (almost 21) when I married DH, who was 29. Got married in my 2nd year of university. Moved abroad for my 3rd year of university, so had a year where we had to just rely on each other as we didn't know anyone else around, which looking back, did us a world of good. Been married 19 years so far and have 3 kids (15, 13 and 7). It raised a few eyebrows at the time, but most people were really happy for us and we've matured together. I look back and think I was really young then but the upside I suppose is that when you are older, you get used to doing things your way and may find it harder to compromise, whereas we've just muddled along and found a way of doing things together and been very happy.