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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for your experiences of getting married young

142 replies

Gettingmarriedyoung55 · 28/01/2021 17:31

Just that really. I won’t go into all the ins and outs as my situation is very specific and wouldn’t really be helpful to recite. But Aibu to ask for your experiences of getting married young (and exactly how old you were) whether you or people you know?

OP posts:

CatherinedeBourgh · 28/01/2021 17:52

Got married at 21, dh was 20. Nearly 30 years ago. We were at university.

Still happily married.

MeadowHay · 28/01/2021 17:58

I was 20 when I got married, DH is 6 months younger than me so was still 19 at the time. We met when I was 18 and he was still 17. We were engaged for about 15 months before the wedding. We've been together about 10 yrs now. We have our ups and downs since we had DD who is 2.5 but I guess every couple does. I've just got pregnant with no.2. No regrets about marrying young. I never really understood these types of threads anyway because if I had got together with DH and split up 10 years later nobody would be saying it's because at 20 we were too young to be a couple. But if we get divorced I bet people will say we shouldn't have married at 20! If you're old enough to be in a serious, long term relationship you are old enough to marry. Marriage is a contract and it can be ended. The real issue is the ongoing stigma of divorce. A 25 yr old divorcee would carry stigma that a 25yr old who had split up with her partner of 5 yrs wouldn't, which I think is wrong and ridiculous.

Eeyorehoney · 28/01/2021 18:03

We were both 21, together since 15 and both 25 now. Both went to different unis and still very happy hoping to ttc this year.

Nopreservatives · 28/01/2021 18:08

I was 22, very happily married for 28 years. We were probably old before our time but I never felt we missed out and getting together young and staying together has definitely been beneficial from a financial security pov.

The most lovely couple I know married at 19 and now with 4 adult children are still adorable together.

Of course I know others for whom it was too young and didn't last.

Usernameisgone · 28/01/2021 18:09

I got married at 21 him 32 having been with my partner since i was 17. No kids.
We divorced last year when I was 33. After I left for someone else. We had been growing apart and trying to salvage our relationship for 2 years before I left. We had some good happy years and I have some good memories but in all I am happier now with a better life and partner. Given my choice again I probably wouldn't of settled so young and dated around a lot more.

WanderingMilly · 28/01/2021 18:10

Met at 18, married at 21. Divorced 20 years later....we had grown up, grown differently. Its now 20 years from the time I divorced; I still miss the man I married but not the man I divorced, if you see what I mean....

marriedyoung · 28/01/2021 18:10

I got married at 18, he was 30. It was arranged for religious reasons. We had 5 dc by the time I was 27. It worked very well for me, he was financially stable, I really enjoyed being a SAHM and we travelled a lot, I feel like those were the best days of my life. When my youngest went to school I got my degree then MSc. I'm not 40 yet, have no financial worries and I'm working hard on my career. The dc are fairly independent so I feel it's 'my' time now. Certainly no regrets. What I do find now is that I have very little in common with colleagues my age, they are just starting to have dc now and those days seem so far behind me, so my friends all seem to be quite a bit older than me.
Both DH and I would not be happy at dd getting married at 18, and certainly not to a 30 year old!

fleapriest · 28/01/2021 18:16

Married at 22 (been together 5 years) divorced at 32 (he was shagging at work)

APurpleSquirrel · 28/01/2021 18:17

DH & I met at Uni & started dated in the first few months. Got married at 25 (both) & still together now - will be our 16yr anniversary this year but will have been together for 22yrs.
Know several people who met at Uni & got married; some are still together, some aren't.

raspberryk · 28/01/2021 18:21

Married at 21 almost 22, been together 5 years by that point, separated at 27 and divorced not long after. Biggest mistake of my life, didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like and my bar was so so low.

twinkletoestwinklenose · 28/01/2021 18:24

A positive experience here. Married at 21 (together since 16) and really happy more than a decade of marriage later. I think sometimes people have a view that once you get married you're doomed to a life of boring middle-agedness but we both went to university, and had adventures, we just did it all together. Personally I wouldn't change a thing about that, he's my other half. Obviously everyone is different though!

Bubbles1st · 28/01/2021 18:24

Got married at 21, after being together since 16. I was basically a girl and grew into a different woman.
It did not last. I would not recommend. Yes I thought was love of my life and we would have kids and all that jazz. It may work for some but we just changed so much in those early years of adulthood an do find it hard to believe that many people are lucky enough to grow in the same direction and not apart.

BeMoreLikeBuddy · 28/01/2021 18:26

I got married when I was 23, he was a couple of years older & I’d known him for a long time (9 ish years).
We had a child together & divorced about 3 years later.
I think I was too young to get married & wouldn’t do the same if I had my time again.

Boopeedoop · 28/01/2021 18:27

Met at 17, engaged at 18, married at 20. Been married 23 years, even more in love than ever.

PenCreed · 28/01/2021 18:30

School friend married at 18, divorced by 20. She's gone on to marry again twice I think - we're not in proper contact.

University friend got married at 20, her husband was 21. They'll have been married 20 years this year and are still together and happy. A lot of my friends were married by 25 because they were Christians and it was sort of expected that dating couples were taking it seriously.

I was 34 when I got married, and I don't think it would have been good for me when I was very young. My career, which I love, wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't been able to move both for the training and the job opportunities. It's a hell of a lot easier to move as a young single person!

LiJo2015 · 28/01/2021 18:32

I got married when i was 22 - what questions do you have?

addicted2spaniels · 28/01/2021 18:32

Met DH aged 19, had 1st baby at 21 and we married when I was 22.

Still together after 31 years and now enjoying grandchildren together.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 28/01/2021 18:34

Met at 17, engaged 6 weeks later, married on my 21st birthday

It was our 30th last year

Three children 22, 19 and 17...so we did wait a wee while before starting a family

LiJo2015 · 28/01/2021 18:34

I will say that i told my now husband i wouldnt agree to marry him before we lived together. I had no issues when we moved in together and it felt absolutely right. We just fit. He proposed a year later and i said yes.

surlycurly · 28/01/2021 18:35

I met someone at 19. Married him at 22. Was married for 13 years. It was a disaster, but no one would have been able to tell me!

orchidsonabudget · 28/01/2021 18:38

I was 25
Engaged at 24
We are still together
He is my everything

Original poster

Gettingmarriedyoung55 · 28/01/2021 18:41

@surlycurly

I met someone at 19. Married him at 22. Was married for 13 years. It was a disaster, but no one would have been able to tell me!

I don’t want to pry but was the reason related to your age?

OP posts:

grannyinapram · 28/01/2021 18:42

I imagine you marry later if you go to uni because you are earning later, and marry sooner if you go straight into work as you are earning sooner so you have skipped 4 years and are in the next stage quicker.
I know what I mean

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/01/2021 18:44

I got married at 21. Wouldn't recommend it. Your 20s are a time of growth and spreading your wings. I'm a completely different person at age 30 than I was at 20. Needless to say the marriage only lasted 2 years.

Cornishmaiden · 28/01/2021 18:48

Got together at 17, married at 22. Married for 32 years and now the happiest we have ever been. BUT there have been some very rocky bumps including long periods apart as he was in the forces and my cancer which put us under great financial strain. Like any relationship, you have to both want it to work and it is not always easy.

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