To ask for your experiences of getting married young

[Gettingmarriedyoung55]

Just that really. I won’t go into all the ins and outs as my situation is very specific and wouldn’t really be helpful to recite. But Aibu to ask for your experiences of getting married young (and exactly how old you were) whether you or people you know?

I didn't get married until I was 29. But I have been with my husband since he was 19 and I was 21. We've been together 19 years. My DSIS met her husband when they were 18 and 19. They were together 18 years before she passed away. My parents got married at 24. They're still together now, 40 odd years later.

I guess it all depends on why you're getting married and what you expect to happen afterwards. I don't see marriage as the same level of responsibility as say buying a house together or having children. You can still get married, go out and live your life together. But you can't do that if you have kids IYSWIM.

My close friend got married at 20. Was her first proper bf, they were the popular couple at school kind of thing. Lasted all of a year both have moved on, her multiple times.

I got married at 18.
Still together 12 years later.
Neither of us wanted the big style wedding type thing so we didn't need save for that.
I don't think marriage changes you as a person, or your relationship any. Many people do though.

I was 21, my husband 20. We've been married 40 years. We've had ups and downs but neither of us would leave the other for someone else. I say "it would be hard to train someone else! ", he says "no one else would put up with his foibles!"

My youngest married young (under 23) and his wife was even younger. When they got engaged, her mother begged me to intervene but I said I wouldn't be a hypocrite. They have their problems but they're still together (10+ years later).

I got married at 20, my DH was 22.
People said we were too young and it wouldn't last but we've been married 16 years now.
We've been through a lot. Three tours of active duty, miscarriages, PTSD, starting a family... all without family nearby. I think that's what's made us stronger. We've only ever had each other to rely on.
There have absolutely been times where I've been ready to give up when things got tough but we've always come through the other side.
I can't imagine being with someone else in the future who wouldn't be able to relate to the things that have made me who I am today.
Saying that, we have many friends of similar ages to us who are no longer together. In fact, I'd probably say I know more people that married in their early 20's who have divorced than stayed together.

I got married six weeks before my 19th birthday, he was 22. We separated when I was 24. If our second son hadn’t been stillborn I think we’d still be together but, like many couples, losing a child drove a wedge between us.

Op I’m early 30’s, I was married at 24, he was 25, but, I had lived out of home since 17, completed university and postgrad education (both while working) and by 25 we had lived abroad, lived together for three years, and traveled together. So in many ways in respect of our peers (who are mainly getting married now) it was early, but for us, it felt right. We knew what we wanted. We’ve been lucky to grow up together and are still happy together.

In retrospect, when we got engaged, friends asked us why, rather than said congratulations, and it did make us different.

For me, I don’t regret it at all. Yes it’s meant some “untypical married life experiences” for example at times for each of our career paths to develop, we’ve lived independently/separately for periods, but, it’s also enabled us to save for a house, have a family. We’ve each had health complications at various periods, and knowing that we are legally recognised as partners has been important for us.

I think it depends on what you envision as marriage - for me, it hasn’t held me back. Instead it’s given me support to live the life I wanted, with a person I adore building it with. I haven’t had to give up anything! But perhaps that’s because we waited a while - or rather it took us a while - to have kids? Life has become much more traditional since becoming a parent.

I’d just turned 22. DH is 8 years older.

Although I’ve always been mature for my age, I look back and I feel I was really young. I think I was so determined to settle and get on with my life and have a family because it was so important to me... that I settled in a way with someone I thought I could love for the rest of my life....

I do love him but almost 2 decades later... I would love my children to experience more. Be confident in themselves and not feel like another person or marriage or family etc defines us or our self worth or purpose.

I also think my DH was not prepared for the fact that this young woman would grow up and have her own strong views or opinions about life and what I tolerated at 22, I would not tolerate now.

I would suggest pre-marriage counseling and if there is any doubt at all - don’t get married. Wait. And enjoy the relationship.

I married very very young (and am now an age where my peers are marrying). I would say it’s helped my life immeasurably. We have both done well and in part I think that due to having the support of each other through some really tough times. As long the other person has a good heart & you allow each other to grow and change, then it’s a massive advantage to meet your life partner young.

Big white wedding one week after turning 20. No kids but a mortgage. Separated within a year, divorced asap. 🙈
Married my 2nd husband at 25 , 2 kids later and still going strong.

I was 22 and had just graduated, DH was a bit older. Silver wedding is coming up next year, and I wouldn't be sad if DD followed in my footsteps: we've been very happy. But we did wait 13 years to have DD; I had a long process of professional qualification to get through, and we wanted to have some fun first. I wouldn't have been keen on having DC straight away.

I was under 25, high school sweet hearts, I would tell others not to rush because there isn't any rush really but for specific reasons to us it made sense for us to marry when we did. 15 years ago still very happy, he's my best friend, but we've spent a lot of time apart too doing the things we each needed to do with our studies and work, we managed to grow stronger together rather than apart and as we always did what wanted to do without letting the other hold us back we've never had to resent marrying young, we didn't miss out on anything, I think we are extremely lucky to have experienced what not many people have.

We are quite unusual that most of our friends also married young, not quite as young but a couple years later, and none of our friends have divorced, not a single wedding we've been to has ended in divorce (yet!)

Married at 19 , biggest mistake of my life ! Separated by 21 but he refused to divorce me until he wanted to get married again !

Got married at 21 it will be 10 years this year. I think like many things it's all down to personal situations, luck and many other factors. We have had a fairly easy ride in many ways, obv we sometimes argue etc but generally we get on just aa well as we did then. Some people grow together and some people grow apart. It's just down to the way life ends up going I imagine.

We were 20 and 21. Happily married for nearly 15 years and counting.

I got married at 22 which looking back now seems really young. I think we are fortunate to still be married after 2 decades as both dh and I have changed and our totally different people to when we got married. Luckily we both still love each other although some days/weeks a bit less than others 🙂!

Married at 22 and 23.

16 year anniversary this year.

No regrets. We bring out the best in each other. I adore him and wouldn't change a thing.

I was 18, DH was 24. It's our 38th anniversary in March.

We have been together since I was 16 and dh 21. I went to university (he didn't) and we got engaged in my second year. Married at 21 and had DD at 27. I don't regret a thing. We are very happy together 21 years later. Like pps, we grew together, been through miscarriage, long-term illness, moving continents and so much more but wouldn't change a thing.

A friend of my brother's was married at 23/4 I think. Divorced a couple of years later. She's a bit messed up though poor girl - difficult home life with loads of younger siblings.

My gran married at 19 and grandad left her with 3 kids when my mum (oldest) was 11!

A friend's sister got married right after Uni, but they are very christian! AFAIK they are happy, they have 2 kids now.

One I know that is happy is a couple who are still together in their early 40s. Not sure exactly how old they were but he said "young" once. They are childfree though, maybe that make a difference??

DH and I started going out at 21/22 but only married at 28/29. We both changed a lot over that time and actually broke up for a couple of months at one point before getting back together.

Met at 18, married at 23 after uni. We have been married nearly 16 years. We grew up together,; we have both changed a lot but I can’t remember life before him now. I know lots of couples who have married at a similar age and are still together and happy. I feel very lucky to have met someone young and had all this time together x

Married at 16 ( he was 21.) We already had a dc.
Nearly 23 years and 5 more dc later we are still very happy together

My parents were 18 and 19, in 1977. Got a lot of sneering, apparently. They’re still together and happy.

I’m entirely the other way. Have had three long term relationships where marriage would have been “the done thing” at some point, but I couldn’t bear the idea until I was well over 30.

My sister got married age 23 which is young by modern standards. They are still together 12 years later and seem happy? I think she realised it was young as she got older but I dont think she has regrets

Met at 19 , married at 23, dh was 26, and will celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary this year. It was a huge step for both of us as we had still lived at home until we got married. Our children are 19 and 17 and I would be horrified if they announced they were getting married within the next 5 years!

2 other friends got married at 24 one still together 20years later one split up after 17/18years.