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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your experiences of getting married young

142 replies

Gettingmarriedyoung55 · 28/01/2021 17:31

Just that really. I won’t go into all the ins and outs as my situation is very specific and wouldn’t really be helpful to recite. But Aibu to ask for your experiences of getting married young (and exactly how old you were) whether you or people you know?

OP posts:
user86386427 · 28/01/2021 19:44

I think she realised it was young as she got older but I dont think she has regrets

I relate to this, I didn't think it was young at the time, I knew it was young but didn't think I was too young, it's only as I get older and think "woah I was so young"! I'd be nervous if it was my kids. But I wouldn't change a thing, it was the right thing for us.

Clarich007 · 28/01/2021 19:46

Met him at 20, married at 23, I'm 70 now and still happily together, so we have been together for 5o years 😃

hammeringinmyhead · 28/01/2021 19:51

It's not just about age. It's about compatibility and shared aims. If you marry a man who spends all his spare cash on Betfair and beer it'll be crap whether he's 23 or 45.

We were 24 and 25 when we got married. Been together since 18 and 19 and we are now 35/36.

Cdstjooyv · 28/01/2021 19:58

Together at 18, married at 22, now 27. Wedding was small, just our parents and a few local friends but to be honest I think this was better than a whole shebang wedding. We’re happily married with two children now, best thing I ever did. Sometimes I wonder about how it would have been different had we waited and done it with everyone we wanted there etc, but really I wouldn’t have changed anything - the guests, our ages, the venue. :)

Mumoftwoinprimary · 28/01/2021 19:59

We were 20 and 23. Both (Oxbridge) graduates when we got married so all our university friends were very confused! Big white wedding with proud parents looking on.

It has been 20 years now.

We’ve been happy but more through good luck than good management I suspect. I will not be encouraging Dd and Ds to marry young.

Plonque · 28/01/2021 20:00

@twinkletoesimnot

Married at 16 ( he was 21.) We already had a dc. Nearly 23 years and 5 more dc later we are still very happy together Smile

I don't want to start a bun fight or cast aspersions on your DH, but can you honestly not see anything wrong there?
You got pregnant at, what - 14 or 15? To a 19/20yr old. That's just worrying on so many levels.
Lasting the distance is good and all that but these days he'd have got arrested - with bloody good reason.

Original poster
Gettingmarriedyoung55 · 28/01/2021 20:00

Thanks for all the replies

OP posts:
alittlequinnie · 28/01/2021 20:03

I usually win these threads having got married at 16 but I see there was an earlier poster who also got married at 16.

I married a 28 year old, divorced man when I was 16 and we had only known each other for 7 months and I was already 4 months pregant.

We managed to muddle through for 10 years but NEITHER of us were happy at all.

Feels like it all happened to somebody else now.

To get married at 16 your parents have to give consent - no WAY would I have done that for my own daughter when she was 16.

LiquoriceLilly · 28/01/2021 20:07

Both me and my sister were married by 20 (coincidence rather than any particular reason). I'm still happily married age 31, she was divorced less than a year later! I don't regret being married young, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it either; you've both got a lot of growing up still to do, and it's often luck as to whether you grow in the same direction, or end up as completely different people in a few years.

Undies1990 · 28/01/2021 20:13

We married, both 21. We had already lived together for 2 years, both working as didn't go to Uni. Knew we were still so young so decided not to have kids until later and instead had fun, built careers and travelled. Kids came along at 30 & 31. Still happily married 29 years later!

EcoCustard · 28/01/2021 20:13

I was 21 when I married, DH 10 years older and divorced 3 years previous. Still together now 19 years later. We had kids later only in the last 6 years so we did lots of stuff before those responsibilities. We travelled, went out, hobbies, renovated houses. I never went to uni just worked as did he, I am now studying, self employed (on hold due to Covid) and sahp. Mostly happy but Covid has been tough on us, looking forward to a little less stress, but I love him though and am excited for our future. I have mixed thoughts on marrying young, it has been positive for me and I know others too who are still together but perhaps should of done more.

Mishmased · 28/01/2021 20:16

I was married at 19 and DH 20 we have been married for 15 years now.

Noornie · 28/01/2021 20:19

Married at 23, first baby at 25, pregnant again now at 27. Still early days I guess as it’s only been 4 years of marriage so far for us but we’ve no regrets about marrying ‘young’ :)

piglet81 · 28/01/2021 20:20

My parents married at 22 (together since they were 19). This year is their 45th anniversary and they’re still revoltingly in love. I know at least one set of their parents thought it was a bad idea and I’m sure there was a certain amount of bloody-mindedness involved but they are a genuinely happy couple. Think they were quite pleased my sister and I didn’t marry until 30+ though...

Lorianmando · 28/01/2021 20:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

DelurkingAJ · 28/01/2021 20:25

When I was 21 and the then boyfriend was 24, my DDad said very gently that he ‘hoped I wouldn’t do anything hasty’. I was confused until I realised he had married at 24. My DParents were happily married until he died. But I agree with PP that that is generational...they couldn’t move in together unmarried. I would worry because all the marriages amongst close my friends before 24 ended in divorce. None since have (although we’re only just into our 40s).

reefedsail · 28/01/2021 20:27

We met at 19 at university, married at 25, had DS at 30. Now been together 22 years, married for 16.

We didn't feel young when we got married, although now I think I look very young in the photos!

Still very happy, never had any glitches. We are very similar people- I do sometimes wonder whether that is because we always were or whether it is because we have basically grown up together and shared all of our adult experiences. We really were still children when we met.

Brunt0n · 28/01/2021 20:27

I got married at 24. Still happy 7 years on.

Brunt0n · 28/01/2021 20:29

I think waiting until we had been married 5 years before we had a baby helped. We got to enjoy our twenties together, we relocated after graduating, lots of travel, built our careers, bought a home.

LadyWhistledownthe1st · 28/01/2021 20:30

My mum and dad married when my mom was 21. They’ve just celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary.
I got married at 24. All going well so far, 6 years on.

LadyWhistledownthe1st · 28/01/2021 20:31

I agree with a PP; it helped that we both had established careers, owned a home, had travelled etc. We met young so have had the opportunity to experience lots together before children.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 28/01/2021 20:31

Married at 21, still together 30 years later. We both went to uni and also got postgraduate education. Travelled a lot too ( took the kids with us!).

mellongoose · 28/01/2021 20:38

Not me but my mum and dad. Married at 21 and 22. Have just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Still happy (I think)!

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 28/01/2021 20:38

Married at 22 but had been together from age 16, celebrating 15 yr wedding anniversary this year and been together 20 years so far.

ZackaryQuack · 28/01/2021 20:42

Not me but my parents
Met when mum was 16, dad 23
Married shortly after mums 19th birthday
Had me at 20/27
DB at 22/29

They celebrate their 32nd wedding anniversary later this year.