To think Mumsnetters should read posts properly

[Sheeeeeep]

I’m not trying to be goady here and I do genuinely value and appreciate the advice I’ve had on here.

However AIBU to think that when posters don’t read a post properly and then Wade in with suggestions it’s really a) spectacularly unhelpful and b) can actually add to stress for the OP as she has to fend of useless advice and then almost inevitably is accused of either c) ignoring helpful advice or d) has her own mental health called into question.

So for example you will get a post that says something like, I really need advice on a morning routine. I’m a single mum and I have a 3 year old DD who needs to go to nursery and a 6 year old DS who is at school as I’m a key worker. My mum used to help us but she’s in hospital

Poster one - how old is DS? Can’t he get to school himself?

Poster two - can’t the kids’ dad help?

Poster three - why are your kids at school/childcare in a pandemic?

Poster four - can’t your family help out?

Have you thought about cooking it bit longer?

Meh! It’s a 2 bit forum nothing special! Lots of people here are busy and just dip in and out. You can’t expect everyone to fully engage and write out full perfect posts!

It's from the Jehovas Witnesses OP. I've had one exactly like it...

I think you are wrong, I think it’s very unhelpful and stressful for OP as she has to fend off useless advice.

@MrsMercedes

Meh! It’s a 2 bit forum nothing special! Lots of people here are busy and just dip in and out. You can’t expect everyone to fully engage and write out full perfect posts!

This is what I don’t understand, if you’re too busy to read a post, why answer it at all?

What makes me laugh is when the OP says on the first page something like:

"I had my foot x rayed- bone is definitely not broken, just very swollen- any ideas to help the pain?"

Then you get:

"you need to get it x rayed- you shouldn't leave a bone if its broken, your foot will end up deformed and fall off"

SHE LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT TWO POSTS UP! I understand not trawling though 25 pages of posts but when its on the SAME bloody page it makes people look so stupid

Why not cancel the cheque op

Tbf though the one about asking if the kids dad can’t help isn’t really a useless comment just because the post says they are a single mum. I have family and friends that are single mums and the child’s dad helps out loads and others that don’t see their kids at all. It would be useless however if it stated in the op that “ kids dad isn’t in the picture “ then I would agree with you there.

Yanbu op I find it immensely annoying! Sometimes it's literally the first line of the post or it's the very first response so it's not that they've had to Wade through lots of jabber they just obviously didn't read it properly.

I think if a dad was available willing and able to help in that scenario it might just have crossed the OPs mind!

Unless you're the thread police I don't think you can tell anyone else how to interact with anonymous people on the internet, scroll on

I know what you mean.

I had a post once where I asked for advice re ds who is 16 re medicine.

I explained he couldn't swallow tablets hence the liquid. Wanting to know anyway I could make the liquid easier to take.

Followed by 1500 reposes of "ask for tablets" "he should be able to swallow tablets" "you need to teach him to swallow tablets" "at 16 let him get on with it himself"

In between a very extremely helpful posts where people agreed the liquid he had was vile.

When I eventually said I just wanted advice on liquid and ds needed support and couldn't take tablets I got again.

"Why not" "he'll have to learn"

I then said he was disabled and the posts weren't helpful and didn't answer my question.

Followed by another round of posts accusing me of drip feeding.

I didn't. It's just (as someone admitted) when I said could swallow tablets they assumed he could and could learn. Assumed I should "just teach/make him"

So basically no one read the OP and answered the question. They read the OP, made their own assumptions and gave the advice the wanted and not what I needed.

It made me feel shit.

I think most people just read the first line of a post and maybe the last line.

LTB, op.

It's funny though when an OP forgets what they have written. A recent post about moving to Dubai because the poster had always wanted to but her STBXH had always refused to relocate. When lots of people pointed out that her child's father might object to her emigrating, she threw a hissy fit asking why people were going on about it and how did they know he wasn't dead, or in Dubai already. Erm, read your own OP, OP!

You sound agitated @sheeeeeep
Have you tried keto?

@Sheeeeeep it’s just mumsnet though.... half arsed replies are to be expected. Nobody is really that focused on a thread unless it’s the op! People scroll through boredom, it’s just a forum

Try soaking it in cold water first.

This is where it's helpful to say ( in caps no less):

RTFT!

And repeat if necessary;

RTFT
RTFT
RTFT

Even then you probably only get a 50% success rate.

In your example, it would be your own fault if you got those replies because you haven't given the whole story. It's not that people wouldn't have read the post properly, it's that you haven't given enough information.

You can't assume that the reason your kids' father isn't helping is because he's dead/in prison. Maybe he's just a loser and can't be arsed to help and he likes to sleep late. In that case it's fair enough for someone to ask you about it, to tell you to sort your shit out.

Tbf I'm far more understanding when the thread is eleventy-billion pages long. But even then you can at least scroll through the highlighted posts by OP.

It's not hard to speed past irrelevant posts though. The worst thing an op can do is consider all posts have the same weight and they don't. Getting upset about it is a waste of time and emotional energy; if a poster doesn't get that they soon will.

It is niaive to think that you can dictate who should be allowed to answer your post or in what way. "I've asked for replies on this issue not on this issue, please go away unless you're prepared to stick to the issue" - that's not going to work! No one has that level of control!

and personally, I'd cancel the cheque

But even then you can at least scroll through the highlighted posts by OP.

Lots of people don't seem to realise that there is a "see all" option for the OP and they come back demanding updates when the OP has updated 2 days ago.

Even more annoying is people who read the OP, see that there are literally hundreds of posts but still feel the need to jump straight in with their "cancel the cheque" advice.

Don't even get me started on the zombies.............

There are people who just like to hear their own voices and so wade into RL and online conversations to do so. They aren't at all interested in anything the OP has said, they just want to talk at people and display what they think is their superiority.

They don't realise it makes them look self absorbed and a bit lazy.🙄