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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Mumsnetters should read posts properly

107 replies

Sheeeeeep · 28/01/2021 10:37

I’m not trying to be goady here and I do genuinely value and appreciate the advice I’ve had on here.

However AIBU to think that when posters don’t read a post properly and then Wade in with suggestions it’s really a) spectacularly unhelpful and b) can actually add to stress for the OP as she has to fend of useless advice and then almost inevitably is accused of either c) ignoring helpful advice or d) has her own mental health called into question.

So for example you will get a post that says something like, I really need advice on a morning routine. I’m a single mum and I have a 3 year old DD who needs to go to nursery and a 6 year old DS who is at school as I’m a key worker. My mum used to help us but she’s in hospital

Poster one - how old is DS? Can’t he get to school himself?

Poster two - can’t the kids’ dad help?

Poster three - why are your kids at school/childcare in a pandemic?

Poster four - can’t your family help out?

OP posts:
KarensChoppyBob · 28/01/2021 12:30

Agree Jux, but OP prob doesn't know the history of 'cancel the cheque' - play nice Wink.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/01/2021 12:31

Don't even get me started on the zombies.............sad

I still wonder how some of them happen😂 there was a 10 year old one recently

itsgettingweird · 28/01/2021 12:32

@DioneTheDiabolist

There are people who just like to hear their own voices and so wade into RL and online conversations to do so. They aren't at all interested in anything the OP has said, they just want to talk at people and display what they think is their superiority.

They don't realise it makes them look self absorbed and a bit lazy.🙄

Makes most posters sound like sock puppets to Piers Morgan!

Although him having multiple account to think he's being heard wouldn't be a surprise to me!

MorrisZapp · 28/01/2021 12:32

On the relationships board:

Please help, DP kicked off and broke the kettle because I don't make his tea strong enough. I'm so worn down, he's always like this.

Answer: oh god I hate weak tea, can't drink it. Is he always like this? Hard to say unless we know if it's a one off or not.

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 28/01/2021 12:34

I know exactly what you mean itsgettingweird! Sorry it made you feel rubbish.

I think the problem is sometimes people start fixating on a particular part of your post rather than the post in its entirety. I had that when rub ragged and mentioned that amongst back pain and exhaustion I barely had time for a hot drink - cue lots of posts about table cups which is fine if i just needed advice in how to have hot tea!

OP posts:
AdditionalCharacter · 28/01/2021 12:36

Have you put it in a bowl of uncooked rice!

ImnotCarolineHirons · 28/01/2021 12:37

Yes! I know it's an informal forum but dear lord, I do despair of the standards of reading comprehension sometimes.
It's so annoying when people accuse OP of not giving them the right information and it is right there in their opening post.
I'm not perfect with grammar etc but I can understand the frustration when people skim, get the wrong end of the stick and just jump in with useless blurb.

KarensChoppyBob · 28/01/2021 12:37

Oh Piers is definitely on here. Or one of his minions.

BeepBoopBop · 28/01/2021 12:40

Log it with 111, then switch it off and on again, but don't open the door if you don't know - definitely get a taxi as the NHS is too busy, although we have a blue one a size smaller that did fit the EDPTBDDSS.

CakeRequired · 28/01/2021 12:40

SHE LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT TWO POSTS UP! I understand not trawling though 25 pages of posts but when its on the SAME bloody page it makes people look so stupid

There's your answer op. They are stupid.

It's really that simple. Can either be a stupid mistake because they've missed something or not understood, or just that they are just unintelligent. Difficult to tell which on a forum, unless they keep doing the same thing again and again. Then it's obvious.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/01/2021 12:42

I've set my page to show all comments in oncw instead of having to click through pages. You have to scroll down so see there are updates

SnuggyBuggy · 28/01/2021 12:44

Can't she find a university student to help? According to posters there are droves of uni students wanting to do bits of informal childcare.

She should ask a friend. If she doesn't have a friend to ask then it's her own fault for not taking time to build a village. She deserves nothing better than to die alone and be eaten by alsations.

In all seriousness I agree, there is some really bad reading comprehension here. I assume a lot of it is people who just love the sound of their own voice and lecturing people in real life.

DinnaeFashSassenach · 28/01/2021 12:48

RTFT is one thing but on MN I have noticed that the favourite thing for certain posters to do is, despite reading the OP, is to pick one part of the story, declare the rest to be completely untrue, tell the OP how the event really happened and how the OP is wrong.

OP: "My sister is making my husband feel very awkward and uncomfortable when she visits by sitting directly beside him, constantly touching his leg and generally flirting with him. I see her do this and will try to sit beside DH before she sits down because she has always done this with my boyfriends all my life. He has now asked me that she doesn't come around any more when he is home. What do I say to her?"

Replies: "Your DH is having an affair with your sister, clearly!"

"Your DH needs to back the hell off and stop grabbing at your sister!"

"You know this is BS. Your DH is a pervert and should be arrested! LTB. He's gaslighting you!"

SparkysMagicPiano · 28/01/2021 12:57

It's really that simple. Can either be a stupid mistake because they've missed something or not understood, or just that they are just unintelligent.

Or:

  1. Hormonal (pregnancy/period/menopause)
  2. Simultaneously feeding a baby
  3. Their phone didn't refresh properly
  4. They are very tired as they were up multiple times in the night
  5. Don't have time in their very important lives to read what anyone else thinks.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I think a lot of zombies are revived by spam posts which are subsequently removed. The thread then comes up in active because there has been a new post and people respond without reading the date, then everyone tells them it is a zombie so it appears in trending. None of them notice that there are 20 posts directly above theirs pointing out that it is a zombie because they have absolutely no interest in what others may have said.

It really doesn't help that if you want to add to the thread, you can do so at the bottom of the first page without going to the end of the thread.

BillMasen · 28/01/2021 13:01

Reading comprehension levels aren’t great, even on here which is forum with a pretty high standard of written communication.

I’m not sure if people rush, genuine struggle with comprehension, or decide to project what they want to argue about sometimes

CakeRequired · 28/01/2021 13:04

@SparkysMagicPiano

It's really that simple. Can either be a stupid mistake because they've missed something or not understood, or just that they are just unintelligent.

Or:

  1. Hormonal (pregnancy/period/menopause)
  2. Simultaneously feeding a baby
  3. Their phone didn't refresh properly
  4. They are very tired as they were up multiple times in the night
  5. Don't have time in their very important lives to read what anyone else thinks.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I think a lot of zombies are revived by spam posts which are subsequently removed. The thread then comes up in active because there has been a new post and people respond without reading the date, then everyone tells them it is a zombie so it appears in trending. None of them notice that there are 20 posts directly above theirs pointing out that it is a zombie because they have absolutely no interest in what others may have said.

It really doesn't help that if you want to add to the thread, you can do so at the bottom of the first page without going to the end of the thread.

Those things fall under stupid mistake, or a mistake you wouldn't normally make.
slashlover · 28/01/2021 13:13

"I don't know anything about this but didn't want to read and run. hopefully someone will be along soon who can answer you."

Then WHY post? What is the point of posts like that? Or people bumping if nobody has replied in the past 5 minutes.

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 28/01/2021 13:26

I think most of us occasionally miss something but then you just say ‘whoops sorry, I see you said their ages’ not ‘you are drip feeding information and ignoring helpful advice, OP. You sound overwrought. Have you considered seeing your GP?’

OP posts:
LegendDairy · 28/01/2021 13:30

Whilst you're at it, read the date. Too many zombies coming back to life.

Macncheeseballs · 28/01/2021 13:34

I dont mind about either zombie threads or people not rtft, life's too short, happy to read anything

ilovesooty · 28/01/2021 13:41

@MrsMercedes

Meh! It’s a 2 bit forum nothing special! Lots of people here are busy and just dip in and out. You can’t expect everyone to fully engage and write out full perfect posts!
It's not unreasonable to expect people to show enough courtesy to read the OP properly before they wade in. It's easy to miss updates and information later if it's a fast moving thread but reading the OP is just basic manners.
Justcallmebebes · 28/01/2021 13:55

Leave the kids with DH for the weekend and take off to a spa

Macncheeseballs · 28/01/2021 14:03

I think if you're posting a problem to a bunch of anonymous strangers, you cant expect 'basic manners' in every interaction, that would be a tad naive and unnecessary

wsbts · 28/01/2021 14:11

Hi OP you are correct the difficulty is it is like anything in real life unless you can place yourself in the poster's mind or if you have not experienced a similar type of situation and not read the post correctly invariably the wrong response will ensue.

As am example back in the day before I retired people comment about how good proficient a certain supervisor is or was. I say that is what you think superficially or because of his or her appearance. My sometimes response would be have you actually worked or been supervised by the said person well you would appreciate what this person is actually like!

SnuggyBuggy · 28/01/2021 14:15

I get the odd mistake but when it's a paragraph long first post and the first five posts have all missed one of less than 5 points you do worry about the future of the human race.