To think Mumsnetters should read posts properly

[Sheeeeeep]

I’m not trying to be goady here and I do genuinely value and appreciate the advice I’ve had on here.

However AIBU to think that when posters don’t read a post properly and then Wade in with suggestions it’s really a) spectacularly unhelpful and b) can actually add to stress for the OP as she has to fend of useless advice and then almost inevitably is accused of either c) ignoring helpful advice or d) has her own mental health called into question.

So for example you will get a post that says something like, I really need advice on a morning routine. I’m a single mum and I have a 3 year old DD who needs to go to nursery and a 6 year old DS who is at school as I’m a key worker. My mum used to help us but she’s in hospital

Poster one - how old is DS? Can’t he get to school himself?

Poster two - can’t the kids’ dad help?

Poster three - why are your kids at school/childcare in a pandemic?

Poster four - can’t your family help out?

Why don’t you get up earlier?

In seriousness please can someone link to cancel the cheque, I never saw that one but keep hearing about it.

Cancel the fucking cheque op, my god

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2630932-Post-wedding-message-please-help-me-what-the-hell-do-I-say

@Lalliella

@Lalliella

Why don’t you get up earlier?

In seriousness please can someone link to cancel the cheque, I never saw that one but keep hearing about it.

I could be mistaken, but I have a feeling it was deleted 'due to privacy issues'.

@Sheeeeeep. It's dire. The comprehension levels are at an all time low. There was a time (when dinosaurs roamed) that people actually read what was written & you could have a really good debate on here.

You must log it with 101 OP

On the other hand, some of the writing skills aren't great either, most issues can be explained succinctly and clearly in just a couple of paragraphs, this is not always the case

It’s either arrogance, stupidity or both. The same people who are too lazy to read an opening post somehow think their thoughts are so vitally important, everyone will want to read their post.

What’s also annoying is the assumptions certain posters make about the OP’s situation. ‘The car’ and ‘the garden’ seem to be taken for granted - apparently no one catches the bus or lives in a flat.

RTFT is one thing but on MN I have noticed that the favourite thing for certain posters to do is, despite reading the OP, is to pick one part of the story, declare the rest to be completely untrue, tell the OP how the event really happened and how the OP is wrong.

Yep. I had that fairly recently, when someone insinuated that I was an under-bridge dweller and accused me of complete fabrication (as in yeah, sure it did OP ), and inventing the public footpath I mentioned.

@Macncheeseballs

I think if you're posting a problem to a bunch of anonymous strangers, you cant expect 'basic manners' in every interaction, that would be a tad naive and unnecessary

I expect we'll have to agree to disagree there. I don't think a basic level of courtesy is too much to expect. It only means taking the trouble to at least properly read the opening post before responding. Not hard. If you have time to post a response you have time to read that.

It’s either arrogance, stupidity or both. The same people who are too lazy to read an opening post somehow think their thoughts are so vitally important, everyone will want to readtheirpost.

Too true @StillCoughingandLaughing. They don't see the irony. Same with the "read the room OP" posters.😂😂😂

Fair enough when it’s a discussion based post manc but when actual advice or help is called for I do think reading the OP properly or if you don’t at least acknowledging that is the least you can expect.

I was having problems breastfeeding my DD and when I asked advice I clearly stated ‘she has had her tongue tie snipped.’ Post after post after post came in telling me to get her checked for a tongue tie then got shirty with ME when I pointed out this had already been done! And it meant advice that might actually have been helpful was lost.

It does drive me a bit mad on here!

I'm staggered that anyone thinks "basic manners" are unnecessary in human interactions.

Some of the examples of terrible reading comprehension on here have made me laugh! The repetitive Have you tried putting in a bowl of uncooked rice? is a classic example.

I googled the average reading age for UK adults recently. It's 9 years old.

@Macncheeseballs

On the other hand, some of the writing skills aren't great either, most issues can be explained succinctly and clearly in just a couple of paragraphs, this is not always the case

At least some of that has to be posters afraid of being accused of drip feeding if they dare to think of something after reading a few posts that they hadn't originally thought of when first posted. Though you do also get a load of pointless waffle sometimes too.

My impression is that people here want to disagree (argue/fight/trample all over) with a poster, so the go to reaction is to pick it apart, if it’s not clearly unreasonable anyway. Sometimes there will be two different posters, at different times but posting about the same issue. The reaction will be totally different because of the way it is written. The way it is written can be linked to education and class.

This is not a supportive place you can have a rant and a bit of understanding generally. It’s for entertainment. Or for people to take out their frustrations of their own lives. I’m of the naive category. I’d like a place people can seek advice and it be supportive but not necessarily sugar coated. And intelligent. I get the impression mumsnet used to be more like that. I suspect some specialist topics are less brutal than here. Its just the way of the internet.

Oh god, yes, the drip feeding accusations.

Drip feeding is ‘AIBU not to want to host MIL for Christmas’ and then three pages in announcing that she was recently released from prison after poisoning her first born over a turkey roast not ‘you are drip feeding information now OP, your uncle Fred’s intolerance to cows milk should have been included.’

Nothing less than a detailed life story is good enough for some.

This thread is a case in point:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4149385-To-make-an-offer-on-this-house-even-though-we-wont-be-able-to-move-in-for-another-6-months

OP loves the house. Has not asked, or shown any interest in, if people like the house and think she should buy it. The thread is about whether making an offer now would be doable given her situation and timescale.

But still they come, queuing up to chip in with ‘Seems very expensive to me’, ‘I don’t really like Ramsgate’, ‘Looks like it will be difficult to park’, ‘I hate terraces - why not go for a semi?’ She never asked!!!

@Jux

It's not hard to speed past irrelevant posts though. The worst thing an op can do is consider all posts have the same weight and they don't. Getting upset about it is a waste of time and emotional energy; if a poster doesn't get that they soon will.

It is niaive to think that you can dictate who should be allowed to answer your post or in what way. "I've asked for replies on this issue not on this issue, please go away unless you're prepared to stick to the issue" - that's not going to work! No one has that level of control!

Oh yes, "if you're not going to agree with me and tell me exactly what I want to hear about my awful behaviour, then GET OFF MY THREAD, you bitch".

it’s not hard to speeds past irrelevant posts though

It depends actually - it can be if you’re very busy. And plus it can set the tone for a thread. If an OP gets a bit cross or irritable with fending off ‘advice’ the thread turns argumentative and it isn’t good.

I’m always shocked by how often comments, from here and elsewhere, will quote the age of a person incorrectly when it’s given in the OP or news article. It’s usually a year up or down.

The reason it bothers me could be linked to SEN traits which run in the family. And I work with numbers. But I’m still surprised such inaccuracy doesn’t bother a lot of people. Although the grammar police are always out in force.

While some people do seem to get a kick out of being mean for the sake of being mean you do get those anyone-who-doesn't-validate-my-awful-decisions-is
-a-bully posters.

No OP, you were fucking stupid and immoral for shagging your pregnant bosses husband and thinking he would run away with you and live happily ever after.

The one that drives me to distraction is the people who pay no attention whatsoever to how long the thread is or how long it's been running. How can you miss that the thread is already 700 posts long? They answer just the OP and of course they usually repeat things that have been said dozens of times before and which are now redundant anyway because of updates from the OP. The one about the white powder through the letterbox was dreadful for this. Five days after the OP posted people were still giving her (mostly bad) advice on what to do, long after she'd updated to say the police had collected it and so her dilemma was at an end.

I've seen several threads on here that begin with an original post of 3 or 4 paragraphs. Usually followed by comments such as:
"Sorry couldn't read all that, your op's far too long...I didn't manage to get to the end of your post but here's my opinion..Op You lost me after the first paragraph...

And I think, Christ how do you ever read a book or a news article to the end? It's three paragraphs of text.

I suppose social media is making us all evolve into an impatient race who demand instant gratification, wanting quick results for as little personal effort as possible.

I find this maddening. I asked HQ to delete one of my few threads (I NC regularly anyway) because people misunderstood my post, jumped to conclusions that my DH was abusing me and my LO when that wasn't the case, and then, people seemed to read one or two of the responses, and decided THEIR version of things was correct and, when I went away to make dinner, and do baby bedtime, 50 posts later they accused me of being a troll because the thread made no sense. Because they hadn't read it properly. I never did get an answer on what to do about my problem.

@SchrodingersImmigrant how is no one noticing how hilarious that post was? Gold 😂😂