To think a confidential issue should be kept confidential?

[Nicknamegoeshere]

I'm dealing with an extremely emotional/sensitive issue at the moment which is very difficult for myself and my children.

Yesterday I contacted someone who I had been given as a helpful contact for people who find themselves in a similar situation.

I found him to be very blunt, which was OK in itself (although not very helpful when I'm so low), but he discussed the situation to a point and gave me his advice. I thanked him and ended the call.

Or so I thought. For whatever reason the call hadn't disconnected.

I then heard him saying to a woman: "Oh fuck. Do you think I shouldn't have said that?" He asked this question repeatedly. He then went on to discuss the details of the reason I had called.

AIBU to think this is not OK?

lawyers have an automatic duty to keep client's info confidential. whether it applies elsewhere will depend

it does sound to me as though he might have been unprofessional, and you could give him a call and tell him what you heard and tell him expressly that your information needs to be kept confidential, and ask him who he told and why. I would probably do that, unless i thought it would make things worse. Was his advice good?

But your feelings about humiliation - that is something different - please don't feel humiliated about having been in a dv situation.

I am so sorry about your situation with your dc. Are you still trying to find out what you can do about it?

I don't think it is appropriate OP. I have noticed that some of my colleagues who work in similar fields to their partners don't seem to be working in a private area and their partners wander in and out during meetings. I don't think this is acceptable. Possibly if wearing a headset and being careful about names. I share virtually no information about my job with my dh because its a slippery slope.

@conunundrum It is highly humiliating. I put my own needs before my kids when I left. I should have stayed and sucked it up.

It wasn't that bad and was probably just me overreacting, my mum says it wasn't really abuse and I ought to have been a better wife that did as her husband expected for the sake of my kids. He didn't hit me or anything like that.

. But I'm getting counselling which will hopefully help me accept that I'm going to be abused for life (as are my children)

This sounds odd. Why do you have to accept you are "going to be abused for life"? There are charities who can help you escape abuse.

He didn't hit me or anything like that

Abuse isnt always physical. It can be emotional, financial, sexual etc. Have you reported your abuser to the police? There are many crimes which fall under the heading of domestic abuse - coercive control, assault, harassment etc.

[quote Nicknamegoeshere]@Aprilx Absolutely. But would you be OK with his/her partner knowing info about you?[/quote]
It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if my GP went home and said “I had this case today...”. The spouse of my GP does not know me.

• and you still have not clarified who the other person was anyway. It may have been a professional discussion, even professionals swear sometimes...

if it's an initial conversation with someone, then it's entirely possible that you are not yet a client and therefore no professional duty owed. But of course that depends on what kind of person you were speaking to / in what context and you're not saying so the short answer is who knows? The fact you also have no idea who they were speaking to but have made assumptions in that regard is also unhelpful.
if you don't trust this person, don't instruct them and ask at the start of any future online meetings what the privacy / confidentiality provisions are.

If he's self employed his wife might be his secretary as well

In my area of work, confidentiality is 'not discussing something outside the office/team'. We do consult with each other for advice and some staff are more experienced than others. You may also have appointments with more than one member of staff. Eg if you go to a doctor, is it the same doctor or nurse you see every time?

I think you are over reacting TBH

@Fucket

And this is why I don’t think people who work in sectors requiring their patients/or persons requiring their help should be allowed to work from home. I would not be happy and satisfied that they can 100% achieve the required privacy and confidentiality. There is no way for the patient/person receiving advice to check. There is no way for the employer to check. They should be key workers still going to their place of work and not WFH. It’s an astounding lack of professionalism and I would make a serious complaint.

DP and I were both working from home and dealing with confidential matters without breaching any confidentiality.

We did this by never using anything other than just a first name and/or reference number when talking to colleagues about cases, by not leaving any identifying paperwork lying around, by setting our laptops so the screensaver comes up very quickly and requires a password to be unlocked, and by working in separate rooms (one upstairs, one down).

While my DP may have overheard me discussing with a client how their MH affects them, he would never have known who that client was and vice versa. On one occasion, when I had to raise a safeguarding that required me to pass on full details to social services, I told him that I was going to have to have a very confidential discussion and that the kitchen would be out of bounds until I had finished.

Any professional working in a sensitive field will be very aware of confidentiality and GDPR issued, and know that a breach is a serious matter. Any such person stupid enough to disregard privacy matters is just as likely to discuss a case in the pub with their mates in earshot of others as to make it common knowledge in their home.

@DeepFakeQueen

I’m a professional working from home and I do discuss the detail of cases with my partner but not identifying details.

Same here.

Because of WFH, it's not possible to turn to a colleague and vent, or offload something distressing you've just heard. There have been times when I've turned to DP and said "This poor woman, the DWP/housing/social services have just done XYZ ...".

But I would never disclose a name, so he'd never have any idea who I was talking about.

How do you know if he was wfh or not? It could have been a colleague.
Some solicitors are classed as keyworkers and going into offices/courts.

Yes people discuss work issues with their partners, that's quite normal, as long as the partner doesn't know who they are talking about.

Did the other person have any idea who you were? If not then I can't see the problem, I often discuss things that happen at work with my DH, but he has no idea who any of the people in question are. Also you say you were given this person's name as a helpful contact - had you actually engaged them as a professional and as such they were bound by their professional code, or were you talking to them about this more casually?

Really you shouldn't have been eavesdropping anyway - no good ever comes of that!

@Nicknamegoeshere

I’m so sorry. Similar happened to me. No thanks to social services utterly mucking up.

Keep holding on but I’d let this go, you’ve enough to deal with. So long as he didn’t actually give identifying details

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Just because you leave doesn’t mean you’ve escaped.

What are the charities going to do? Hire a hit man????

It is impossible, virtually, to stop post escape psychological abuse.

@LaLaLandIsNoFun Yes I agree. I'm asking for help not necessarily about the past (e.g. when he took my purse so I couldn't buy food or locked me out of the house if I went beyond my curfew he had set), but help with accepting that nothing can be done about the permanent psychological/emotional/financial abuse that has continued for about 15 years. I need strategies allowing me to endure it.

Did he share any identifying information?

I wish I could give you some. I really do.

It is incredibly hard to try to accept.

X

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland Yes reported to police when he trespassed onto property and banged windows He also tried taking my car off the drive with his spare key which he said was a "joint asset."
Ongoing coercive control reported. It's a civil matter I've been told. Was also told by an officer when she came out to me once that unless I could show her bruises there was nothing she could do.

If it was a professional organisation, then he is bound by confidentiality, but that doesn’t prevent him discussing it with a work colleague. I think that would include charities, self- help group etc who provide a support service.

However, if it happened just to Joe Bloggs who lives at 32 Acacia Avenue, who has experienced a similar situation, and was willing to speak to you about their situation, then I don’t think they are bound, although you could request it.

From what you said, did he possibly reveal too much of his situation, and felt he gave you confidential details he hadn’t meant to disclose?

@littlepattilou
A woman I know had been in trouble, (stolen from work, and been sacked.) Three years later, she had got her life back on track, paid her dues, (3 month suspended prison sentence, and made to pay back what she had stolen,) got a new job, and had moved on.

When she was in a certain shop (I won't name on here,) she was waiting to be served, in the queue of 10 or so people. A woman who was behind the counter of 5 or 6 staff, said just after she left, 'that woman there in black and red who Janet just served, got done not long ago for stealing from her workplace.' And continued to berate her for a minute or so... The other staff gasped, with an OMG look on their face(s.)

Long story short, a neighbour of this woman heard and saw it all, and reported the staff member to head office, and she was sacked.

I don't believe this I'm afraid, because there were no grounds on which to dismiss her. If the woman was prosecuted and sentenced then her crimes are a matter of public record and there is nothing to stop anyone discussing them. I cannot see that shop staff discussing something that is in the public domain is grounds for dismissal. Had it referred specifically to that shop and been confidential business information or something which brought the shop's name into disrepute then maybe. Had it been the thief's personal confidential information gained from working in the shop then maybe - but sacking the girl for discussing something that anybody could have read in the local newspaper would just be setting themselves up for an unfair dismissal lawsuit.

The trouble with breaking confidentiality in terms of discussing the details of a case without naming the person involved is that, sometimes, the details are outing in themselves, because the wife/girlfriend/partner knows someone who knows someone whose sister is in the exact same situation and it could, in fact, be them.

So it's always safer to keep quiet about the details, just in case - you never know who people know, if you see what I mean!

First of all OP, I cannot understand how your mum can indicate that this is not abuse. As your describe it of course it is abuse.

Also, the guy you were speaking to should have indicated that another person was listening into the conversation. As it was a phone call I wonder did he have you on speaker as it is usually easy to tell that if you hear an echo.