To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

This is awful. Your dad needs to treat his children the same.

I can absolutely see this from his older children’s perspective. He decides with his second wife that the children he had with her deserve more than his older children.

This is how families splinter.

The will leaves the money to him. Why is he being so divisive- it’s unnecessary. He shouldn’t give you anything now. If he and is wife want to gift you money later then that is his business.

You haven’t come across well at all here. Talking about your brother whinging and toting up what his mothers house is worth.

Dreadful

100% it should be split equally between all of his children/your grandmother's grandchildren.

Whether that is £12k to each of you or £10k to each child and £20k to your dad.

She was their grandmother, he is their dad. It is not his place to be trying to equalise or judge inheritance that are nothing to do with him.

If you have all had a good relationship, it is really not worth risking that over £3k.

I think your father is being horrifically unfair. Your half brother is right to play the second family card, why should he be worth less and receive less? It doesn’t matter what he will get from his mum and her side, this is irrelevant. All he will see is not being as important to your dad as you are.
I’m divorced, it’s traumatic for children, and I expect ex DH to give them exactly what he gives his new baby without taking my money in to account.

The optics of what your dad is doing are awful, your poor half brother.

Equal splits is the best way to go unless one of you has an emergency right now or a disability that needs long term support.

Your older sister is being generous about getting less but I can see why your older brother is so upset. Your father has the right to do as he likes with his own money - he can give half of it to one of you and give the rest to the cats' home if he chooses! - but he can't expect his first family to not feel hurt. They are as his much his children and his parents' grandchildren as you are. Who has better off parents and who got what during the divorce is not the point.

DHalfBro has also been making nasty comments to me about my situation

That is a rotten thing to say to you but your father is to blame for stirring up this trouble between you. The best thing you can do yourself is to not get involved in any arguments about it with your brothers and sisters and not try to justify your father's decision. They're less likely to blame you and attack you if you stay out of it, right or wrong it wasn't your decision.

Tbh your dad should just keep it for himself. It's hardly a huge, sum of money and he's probably going to need it in his old age.

@luxxlisbon

Of course you think it’s the right thing - you are the one getting more!

Your dad is playing a dangerous game here and this will affect his relationship with his children permanently now, and probably yours with your other siblings too.

Actually some of us inherited less from one parent than other siblings and don't think it was wrong....

If course it was going to cause bad feeling, your dad must have known that.

Though I do disagree that the father shouldn't have told them. You simply CANNOT hide things like this in a family, they will always, always come out. Each of the siblings would have found out/worked it out eventually, and it would have been worse after the fact - there is no way, absolutely no way they wouldn't have found out. Honesty is the best policy (despite disagreeing with the father's choice of how to distribute the money).

People are fooling themselves if they genuinely truly believe the siblings wouldn't have found it out or talked/worked out what the others got. The only thing the father got right here is being upfront and honest.

Do you claim any benefits op? Only any savings over £6000 will be taken into consideration if claiming universal credit so you might be worse of if you are as you’ll have to use that £15000 in place of the Uc

@JesusAteMyHamster

Tbh your dad should just keep it for himself. It's hardly a huge, sum of money and he's probably going to need it in his old age.

Presumably that is what his mother wanted him to do, she could have left it to GC is she wanted to.

@ElizaLaLa

It's the dads inheritance, not the grandkids so its up to him what he does with it.

Yes, that's true - but he also needs to realise if he gives two children more than the others, it's going to cause problems - especially when the two who receive more are from his current marriage.

There is nothing reasonable or fair about what your father is proposing to do.

Be very careful what you wish for in splitting inheritances unequally. Your father IS favouring his second family, whatever you think.

Ultimately it’s your Dads decision and I think he should keep most of it in case he needs it and give you all £5k or something
However, if he does give it to you now it should be an equal split not based on how much money you have.

The parents could live for another 15 years so no guarantee they will get there 400k any time soon. That shouldn’t even be taken into account.

The money should be split evenly, it’s not the brothers fault you are a single mum and your other brother still living at home.

If he has his own small family he may need the money now which is why his kicking up a stink

@Cokie3

Though I do disagree that the father shouldn't have told them. You simply CANNOT hide things like this in a family, they will always, always come out. Each of the siblings would have found out/worked it out eventually, and it would have been worse after the fact - there is no way, absolutely no way they wouldn't have found out. Honesty is the best policy (despite disagreeing with the father's choice of how to distribute the money).

People are fooling themselves if they genuinely truly believe the siblings wouldn't have found it out or talked/worked out what the others got. The only thing the father got right here is being upfront and honest.

Why would it come out? The OPs half brother won't know what savings she has, if she won £10k on the lottery or if she gets a promotion at work.

I give money to all my children, the deal is it is between us. The eldest is 50, no one has worked anything out yet. I have 4 and they have all had help when it was needed, if one needed £5k to help with a house purchase why should that mean I have to give them all £5k?

Nothing dishonest about it, I don't have to discuss what I do with my own money, my children have no right to expect I run my financial decisions past them.

YABU you come across as very grabby and selfish, and jealous of your siblings. It's not even a huge amount of money, if it was split equally you'd only get £3k less, is that worth permanently damaging your relationship with your siblings?

For the sake of 2.5K you've created this huge rift in your family. Was it worth it?

Who knows what might happen to their inheritance? Their GP's might end up in a home and all inheritance spent on care fees. They have worked hard for what they have, with no leg up for a deposit on their homes.

The only way to split this inheritance fairly is for the kids to get equal amounts.

I think it's absolutely madness and really short sighted of your dad to split the family for the sake of £3k. In the grand scheme of things that's not a huge amount of money but will clearly make a real difference to family harmony.

Also if you are your brother are struggling financially and barely scraping by then £15k might not even get you on the housing ladder so again the difference between of the £3k would be minimal

It’s up to your dad obviously.

But I think you should all get the same. It’s not your siblings fault that you’re not as financially well off, that they’re older or that they ‘might‘ inherit in the future. Of course you think it’s fine as you’ll get the higher amount. It’ll cause issues and it’s not worth it for a few thousand pounds.

You have mentioned nothing of your DSB situation.

It really all comes down to how much the money is needed. Your DSS might be comfortably well off and the difference is meaningless to her, but it might not be for your DSB.

Maybe he and his wife are working hard to afford their mortgage and that money would make a huge difference to then as much as it would for you even in your situation.

If both were ok with it, it wouldn't be an issue but your DSB isn't and as such, it should indeed be equal.

Well of course you think your dad is right, you want more money!

Your thread title indicates that you think your father is right to give you more.

Your further comments about playing the second family card and your half brother being whiny are also revealing.

Your father has 4 children. It doesn't matter what the other parents are worth financially. He has 4 children, he should split 4 ways or be prepared to create divisions.

Your dad is being VV unreasonable. The money should be split equally regardless of the grandchildren's finances. Anything else would be just plain nasty on your fathers part, and yours too if you accept this.

It's up to him as it's his money, but I think it's terribly unfair and if I were your half siblings I'd feel snubbed.

@ancientgran I think that's pretty unrealistic. OP is a single mum in a rented house. If she came into money, they'd know.

Siblings talk. One sibling hears another has had 20 thousand worth of work done on house. Others knowing how much the father inherited, add 1 + 1 after conferring with another sibling and learning how much they got (because they let it slip even though it was supposed to be a secret, and middle sibling 'won't tell'). There is absolutely no way this won't get out. It is simply naive and completely unnrealistic to think it won't. It always gets out. Always. That, is something to count on.