To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

Equal shares for all kids not favour second family, an inheritance is not guaranteed and should not be assumed.

He should split it evenly. Imagine how your older brother feels? Like they are lesser members of the family compared to the second family.

You don’t say if they own properties of their own already.

Also, you’re talking about wealth they may get when their DM dies from what I can see?

I agree with pp that fair does not always have to mean equal, however in this case I think it does.

In my earlier post I said he should treat everyone equally. I should add, that's because in this case that's the fair thing to do.

I think your dad is being unfair I understand that they are better off than you but it should be shared equally between all kids. Lots of families fall out due to inheritance issues being unfair.

Your dad is being unreasonable and so are you, in your biased attempts to justify his decision.

As the vast majority of PPs have already said, the children should get equal amounts, so if he wants to give most away and only keep a small share for himself, that means splitting it 5 ways ie £12k each.

You mentioned that you're a single mum in a private rented property, and money is tight - presumably you're on benefits (universal credit or tax credits and housing benefit)? Please be aware that however much your dad gives you, you will have to declare it and if it means that you have more than £16k total in your bank accounts (including savings and current account) your benefits will stop.

If anyone else in the family is getting benefits, this will be relevant for them too.

If your dad split it between 5 then that would be £12k rather than £15k.

Rightly or wrongly your older brother is hurt by what he sees as being seen as “half”.

The question is - is getting £15k rather than £12k worth losing your relationship with your brother with?

I don't think this is okay at all. I can completely understand why your half brother thinks this is unfair and I would too. You realise this will cause issues going forward now? Even if your dad does change his mind, there will always be that under the surface. Your dad has damaged his relationship with his other two children, whether he realises it or not because it's about more than just money, it will always seem like he prioritised you two more than them.

It should be split equally.
Although circumstances at the moment might indicate that they'll inherit from their mother in due course, it's not guaranteed by any stretch. She may lose her house, may sell up and spend the money, may be swallowed up in care costs, may live to 101!

It's his inheritance, right? Your grandma left it to him and he doesn't have to give any of it to any of you. So it's the same as if you happened to have a rich dad who dipped into his savings to support his children as needed.

@Willyoujustbequiet

Equal shares is the only way to go in these matters imo. It's not about who may have extra coming, it's about a parent treating all his children the same.

This.

Different shares can only be justified if there is a child who is financially dependent on the parents due to additional needs, e.g. learning difficulties.

Can't your half sibs get the £15k your DF is keeping now Willed to them?

I've never had any money from a grandparents' estate. Their children inherited and it didn't occur to me to think that my parent should pass some down to me.

Your dad should take 20k and give you all 10k each. It's a good enough starting point for a deposit.

@Schoolchoicesucks

100% it should be split equally between all of his children/your grandmother's grandchildren.

Whether that is £12k to each of you or £10k to each child and £20k to your dad.

She was their grandmother, he is their dad. It is not his place to be trying to equalise or judge inheritance that are nothing to do with him.

If you have all had a good relationship, it is really not worth risking that over £3k.

She left it to him. It's entirely his place to decide what to do with it. He doesn't have to give a penny away.

The difficulty with this is there are a number of different levels to it. In theory its all four of you's grandmother's money so by splitting it unevenly you can see why he would feel emotional about it. In reality it is now your dad's money now so he is allowed to split it how he likes.

We have 5 kids in our family, my parents helped out our sister who is a single parent with many things including buying a house. Did not bother me at all - I was glad she was being helped. But what my parents did to make it fair was to ask my sister to write the money into her will as being split between the other siblings. ie say they gave her £40k - she wrote into her will we would have £10k each from it.

Personally, if I was your dad and I was going to do this I would not have told anyone. Or I would have told them alll they were getting the same about for grandmother's money ie £7.5k each and then seperately offered you a loan for £7.5k (that I was not bothered if you did not pay back). This was what my parents did with my single mother sister.

If you told me my parents where going to split my grandparents inheritance unevenly...that would upset me alot as there is an emotional element to inheritances.

To be honest, your detailed explaination of how your older sibilings are likley to get more money from their mother's inheritance is almost as if you are trying to justify it. But really, how can you possibly compare money being given now to 'potential' money in the future? If his mother's estate is still substantial when she passes, if she has allocated it to him and his sister rather than a charity, if he is alive to enjoy it. Its all theoritical. You also don't know how much money he has now - maybe he really needs it too.

I get why you would be influenced by your urgent need for more cash - but I am sorry I think you are letting your own situation colour your views. Your grandmother would be likely to be devestated to know her money and good intentions are ripping her family apart. Maybe suggest your dad rethinks and gives all the same but loans you more as I have suggested above?

This is horrible. I feel so sorry for your half siblings. I should imagine this will poison your family now. I've seen so many families who were previously close knit experience rancour and bad feeling over inheritance.

YABU

There is no sign of your HBro & Sis getting their hands on £400k any time in the next 40 years, or possibly ever if their dm died and her H remarried. The grandparents will pass their wealth(if isnt eaten up by care bills) to their DC not DGC. I got £2k off my gran and nothing off the other. DH's grandparents were wealthy but we got next to nothing. It's not a given that they will inherit. Also they are older than you so what they had to get themselves on the housing ladder but you are entitled to help? Very unfair. What about saving for retirement? Wgat if they need house repairs? What about providing for dc? Your housing is not the only priority.

Your HSis is probably not OK with it. I'm sanguine about inheritance I've lost out on but I note it and judge a little.

It's blatant favouritism and it stinks. I hope your dad reconsiders.

It should be divided equally among all the children.

For all the people who are saying its your dad's inheritance he can spend it how he wants - that is very true. But if he is splitting it unevenly amongst his kids that your brother is completedly justified in being hurt that he is favouring his new family.

So, firstly money is the one thing that will definitely cause rifts between the family.

If I were in a better situation than a sibling or half sibling I would prefer them to have it, without a doubt.

Your dad really can decide distribute his inheritance how he sees fit. If he is trying to make all his children inherit as equally as possible then I think that's fair.
It probably depends on your nature, if you are solely driven by money once there is an opportunity to gain more, you want it at all cost.

[quote Cokie3]@ancientgran I think that's pretty unrealistic. OP is a single mum in a rented house. If she came into money, they'd know.

Siblings talk. One sibling hears another has had 20 thousand worth of work done on house. Others knowing how much the father inherited, add 1 + 1 after conferring with another sibling and learning how much they got (because they let it slip even though it was supposed to be a secret, and middle sibling 'won't tell'). There is absolutely no way this won't get out. It is simply naive and completely unnrealistic to think it won't. It always gets out. Always. That, is something to count on.[/quote]
It doesn't always come out, as I said my eldest is 50, they've all had help at different times, no one knows what the other got or will get. Minding your own business is a good policy.

If the father is kindly offering one of his children £7.5k the polite response is thank you, not what is everyone else getting.

YABVU

YABU. Whilst I understand, it should be split evenly. For example - my dad has 2 daughters. Step mum has 3 children and many grandchildren. Everything will be split evenly between the 5 children regardless of living situation/children etc.

All this upset and he hasn’t actually got the money himself yet.

She left it to him. It's entirely his place to decide what to do with it. He doesn't have to give a penny away.

Agreed, he doesn't. But he is and is doing it in a way that will break up a previously harmonious family.

Yabvu.
I agree 100% with your stepbrother and his girlfriend.
Equal shares are the only fair way.
It's not even about the money itself, it's the thought that you aren't loved as much.
You will still have a house deposit which most people save up for themselves btw. I wonder what your step brother would say about you - grabby? grasping?
For the sake of a couple of grand don't be that person.