To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

@sadirahunet

Your father needs to treat all his children equally regardless of second family mother wealth.!

This idea of your father to sort out beloved Grandmothers will money like this,was bound to of course some kind of friction,envious, jealousy issues of favoritism down the 2nd families line somewhere.

What Did you Dad expect !
Its well known fact some families squabble fight fall out over wills isn't it.

The correct way should be half siblings get half.

Nobody is a half sibling. They are all the fathers children.

@MrsBrunch

YABU he has 4 children, he treats them the same.

Absolutely

Urgh, of course they are half siblings, I mean they shouldn't get less.

Ignore me I read that completely wrong

You clearly believe that what the father is doing is fair. And I can see how you feel that and how your dad rationally feels that.

The bottom line though in these situations is that it taps into long term emotions and so you get an emotion based reaction. The emotional message that the money split has given to your stepbrother is that he is worth less in the eyes of his father than his younger half siblings. That message won’t have been received by the adult, rational man who can sit back and say “well ok I guess there are other points to consider so ok I can live with that, fine”.

Instead the message plays straight to the child inside whose father left the family home and
is now playing happy families with new children. And the child’s inner voice saying we always knew dad prefers his new kids to us, I’m not good enough for him. So having this crystallised in front of his eyes in terms of being worth half of the younger kids, well that will feel like a giant fuck you from his dad. Do you not see that?

@sadirahunet

On paper your father idea about how to go about sorting out your Grandmothers will, seems ok.

But you ,your father can not treat his second family children,like a charted Accountant at a family business firm,as naturally emotions will come into play especially with emotional minefield thing as family member will.😕

It should be £12k each to all 5 of you, as pp have said.

For the sake of dropping 3k each, your dad is damaging relationships with his firstborn children.

If you're not grabby and don't want the money, give it to those who are complaining.

It's up to him how he does this but I think it is a terrible thing to do to your children.

They shouldn't lose out on inheritance simply because they aren't poor, single parents.

Of course you will agree that there is no favouritism op because you get more money, if roles were reversed you would feel hurt. Absolutely horrible it’s not your siblings fault that there mother is doing better than yours ! You are all equally your fathers children. Awful awful!!

Inheritance is a gift, not a given. I think your df should split the money equally between his children. Your half siblings inheritance outside of your family is none of your business, neither is the divorce settlement between your dd and his ex wife.

@sadirahunet

I agree totally with the comments
@AtLeastPretendToCare

comments were put succiently,good perspective on Op family dilemma issue !😕

He should split it equally and all of you get £12,000. Or if he wants the £15 for himself he needs to split the remainder equally between all 4 children. It’s the only fair way.

I'm interested to know where in the country somewhere could be brought with a 15k deposit? Presumably some of that would be needed for legal costs too if money is tight?

Welsh valleys? Average sale price in Merthyr Tydfil is £90,000, I've seen houses in reasonable condition (ie you could live in it straight away) go for £60-£70,000.

The money should be split equally amongst his 4 children.

Reading your OP makes me feel sad for your eldest brother. He has possibly felt abandoned and replaced by his father his entire life, and now his father's decision will have confirmed all this to him. Of course he is hurting.

@MintyMabel

If you're not grabby and don't want the money, give it to those who are complaining.

It's up to him how he does this but I think it is a terrible thing to do to your children.

They shouldn't lose out on inheritance simply because they aren't poor, single parents.

They are not losing out; they are just getting slightly less than OP, they are much older and presumably better established in life. As someone else said fair does not necessarily mean equal shares. I also agree if he lives in a council house and has limited income himself, he should maybe keep it all to himself. He has inherited the money not them..he is being generous to pass some of it on now, so they actually 100% receive it...a bird in the hand...and all that.

they are much older and presumably better established in life

So what? OP has yet to work the same number of years as they have, so she's still got time to get established as they have. Why should they get less just because they have worked longer to date because they're older?

Not right at all.
Your older sibling's have every right to feel wronged.

Boot on the other foot? How would you feel?
And more fool your Dad for broadcasting it, he should have kept his cards to his chest.

You dad has 4 children, all of whom are your grandmothers gc. To avoid scenarios like this all children have an equal split.

His decision may be based on what he thinks is fair if ex wife family has more assets, but he doesnt know how they will divide her estate. From this grandma they have had less than the other dgc and that is unfair. Whilst I wouldn't behave like the half brother I can see why he'd think its u fair and may be perceived as second to the new family, resentment is like to build I'm afraid....

I'm interested to know where in the country somewhere could be brought with a 15k deposit? Presumably some of that would be needed for legal costs too if money is tight?

Do I live in an alternate universe? There are plenty of places you can buy houses for less than £150,000.00

Well said. I’ve seen this play out in my extended family. Both the father and the children from the second family, who considered they were entitled to more money by referring to hypothetical inheritance re the first family, got bitten on the arse to the satisfaction of the shafted children from the first family. OP your attitude is disgusting and grabby and no one buys your sob story.

Your dad should treat his 4 children equally, he has no way to know what anyone else is going to leave his children, care needs could wipe out the value of those houses completely.

Whichever way round it is he should do the same for all his children.

I think he's wrong to do this especially as he's made it the first family vs the second family which it wouldn't seem like if he'd just given one of you more if you really needed it

I think your Dad should be able to decide for himself what he chooses to do with any money. Others should not be objecting,or voicing any opinions on this matter.

Splitting it five ways at £12k each makes so much more sense. And if that £3k is really needed for a house deposit, then he could loan the rest to you.

Anything else is a big “fuck you” to his older children.

Totally wrong. He should give equally to each child.