To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

I really feel for your half siblings.
It's your DF's money but he should hv even more
Discreet.

Did DGM leave her estate equally between her 7 children, your father being one of them? How would he feel if he received half as much as his other siblings?

Promises of future inheritances often come to nothing! Remember that. It’s not worth family division for years to come for effectively £7.5k over a sibling. This disparity will cause resentment and poison family relations - not worth it!

With a formal legacy arrangement (I assume that your dad is filing a Deed of Variation from his mother's will), I would always treat my children equally, regardless of their individual financial circumstances. I think that's the fairest thing to do.

You should all be treated fairly.

It was the early 80s. The mortgage was paid off

My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us

This doesn't make any sense? So in the early 80's your Dad had repaid his mortgage? This would make him around 50 years old at least, in the early 80's. Which makes him 90 now. Which means that his Mum who just died was at least 110 years old. What??

I am a 'first' family child and was constantly snubbed in favour of the 2nd family.

They got holidays to Disney land and paid for driving lessons and new cars bought etc but could buy me a pair of shoes for school or
anything more than a pair of cheap pjs at Christmas.

This has gone on and on and on

This is totally second family favouritism and it's disgusting.

when Dad divorced his first wife he walked away from the house they bought together so she could stay there with the kids without having to worry about her home.

He allowed the mother and his children to stay in their family home after he divorced her. Oh, what a wonderful, kind man.

Your dad lives in a council house and doesn't have a lot of money. Does he work? Is he getting any benefits? It seems to me that 60K / 4 = 15K left for him. That is just under the 16K limit of savings for benefits.

Coincidence by any chance?

His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more.

That's a really bad way of making the choice, tbh.

Very unfair on your siblings. Your Dad should treat you all the same. Your circumstances shouldn't come in to it at all.

He can do what he wants of course. I think it’s right to treat all children the same, regardless of their situations, so I fully understand why your half brother is miffed. If he’s made the decision, not sure what you can do, and I hope your half brother doesn’t give you a hard time.

Either way, it’s very kind of your dad to share with you as it seems you weren’t in the will and your dad is just being very kind. One piece of advice: ask the solicitor to give it to you in the first place (as per your dads instructions) rather than all to your dad, who will then need to dish it out - tax implications otherwise.

So yeah to summarise, your dad can do what he wants but I’d be very upset if he was my dad and he was giving more to other siblings. It’s irrelevant if he’s “the other family” or earns more etc. (In my opinion)

It's kinda immaterial how he actually splits out now I guess, he's already damaged his relationship with at least one of his older children and no matter what happens now that is not likely to be easy to repair.

@OrigamiOwl

It's kinda immaterial how he actually splits out now I guess, he's already damaged his relationship with at least one of his older children and no matter what happens now that is not likely to be easy to repair.

Obviously I don't know these people, but if Dad says to his son, "I'm so sorry, that was not what I meant at all and I truly didn't realise it would seem that way. I'm now splitting it among you all equally because I really do love you all equally and I would be devastated if it seemed otherwise" then I think there's a good chance son would come round.

Would OP find that ok?

I would always split equally but you don't dictate what other people do with their money. The only problem in this scenario is that your dad was foolish enough to tell what he was giving to each and has caused a family row.

In any other thread about inheritance you would be told the person leaving/giving the money can do what they want with it and it's no one else's business.

I'd tell your dad that you'd happily accept some money but feel it should benefit his children equally. It's not worth losing good family relationships over dividing money unfairly. Their potential inheritance from their mum is only potential.

What’s fair is respecting whatever he decides to do, his money his call nothing else matters.

In my opinion he should also keep more of the money himself to cover his own needs before handing over 3/4 of it to his working age kids.

I think the above would be the best solution. He should keep it for now and then if he wants to help you with a house deposit when you've actually found somewhere you can afford to buy, fair enough. His first family might have inherited from the other side by then and be less bothered anyway. Dividing it unequally at this point is only going to cause problems.

@Mustbe3ormorecharacters

What’s fair is respecting whatever he decides to do, his money his call nothing else matters.

Maybe so, but he can't expect there not to be repercussions once he's made his choices. Including his first children feeling snubbed and let down.

it's his money and he can do what he likes but I think he's being very unfair.

He could keep it all, and dole it out to any of you as and when you actually need the help, instead of giving you 15K now unless you do actually need that deposit now?

My gm kept a note of how much money she gave each of her children (7) when it was a significant amount - so, not the odd fiver here or there - and that was used to work out how much each child got after she had died; so if she'd helped you more during her life then you got less after she'd died.

That seem a much fairer way of doing it.

It should be split equally regardless of individual circumstances.

If the the remainder was split 4 ways you'd each get just over £11k as opposed to the 15k you would get if DF split the way he is proposing. Is it worth a big family fallout over £4k? You could explain it that way to your DF. On the other hand, I am a child of a first marriage and when my step dad and mum came into money, the family discussed it and agreed the majority should go to my younger half brother as he needed it more. To be honest, I would have given him my share because he is my (half) brother, I love him and it would have been the right thing to do.

Sorry but I think your dad should treat all his children equally. I would be hurt if my parents did this to me. However there is no reason for your half siblings to get nasty with you. They should explain to your dad if they are feeling hurt by him.

Split equally by 5.
Your Dad may need money in the future.

Always split equally, your dad is being an arse.

@Jux Your grandma was very prudent to keep records and ensure everything was out in the open.

My DH is an executor on a parent's will and he knows it might be tricky with one sibling who's received large handouts over the years. Luckily his Dad tends to keep good records too, so if it's in black-and-white, they can't deny they've received it! Money is such a difficult subject in families.

The fair and right thing to do is for your DF to split it equally between his children. It’s not worth causing serious emotional harm over a few grand, which is what this could do for your half siblings. Your DF doesn’t have to give you anything now so you should see it as a win of £11.5k rather than a loss of £3.5k. Your DF may have made up his mind but I’m sure if you asked him to give more to hour half siblings he would.