To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

Did your grandma leave any instructions about the grandkids? If not then it's his money to do with as he pleases. He doesn't need to justify his decision but he should probably not have told the other siblings what you were getting and you shouldn't be talking to them about it either.

It should be shared equally between the four grandchildren.

If that were the case it would have been in the terms of the grandmothers will. As it is, she left all her money to her own children, one of whom was OP's dad, to do what they like with. He doesn't have to give a single penny to his children. I think he should spend the lot on himself to save any further arguments.

My parents have chosen an unequal split with me getting a huge amount less than my siblings purely because I have a ( not very well paid) job and a partner and my siblings don't work. I have always felt less valued and loved and it feels like this has confirmed my feelings as true. Even worse they are giving my D's only 2k but my nepthew 60k because his dad isn't in his life (very much alive just a deadbeat) which is hardly mine or my D's fault. I understand completely how your brother feels. Your life circumstances have nothing to do with him, they are not his fault or responsibility, it absolutely is favouritism. Yes your dad like my parents can do what they like with it but he's not being fair and it's no wonder your brother is hurt. Basing it on what might happen in the future is ridiculous, no one knows what the future will bring. My own little family is a blended one, my partner's kids are adults in their 20s and our D's is only 3. Our house is owned 50/50 between us and there are no savings as we scrape by. In our wills who ever is still alive has the right to stay in the house until they die after that my partner's half is evenly distributed between his three kids and my half goes only to my D's. One of my partner's adult children is doing much better so far in life than the other doesn't mean he is going to give her less than the other two. The adult kids will also get something from their mother, how much I have no idea, it's none of my business. That doesn't mean the D's we have together should then receive more from his father than his siblings or that when my D's eventually gets my half that he should receive less from his father than his siblings.

It should be shared equally. Your life choices are your own.

To be honest you sound jealous by talking about where your half siblings mother lives and what her house is likely worth and the potential inheritance they might have. An amount which could waistline be sealed by care home fees etc

Anything other than an equal split is never going to cause anything but discontent and upset. Probably lasting resentment too. It’s not even the amount, it’s the principle. Split the lot equally regardless of people’s circumstances otherwise you and your family members will be resenting each other, and having it as the ongoing ‘elephant in the room’ for years.

@Pippa234

I usually think parents should split it equally. But on this occasion I understand your Dad's thinking, It's the only inheritance you will get and he wants to help you and your half siblings will be inheriting significantly more from their side of the family. I think your Dad's being logical. I do think it's different with split families if other children are to inherit significantly more which in your case they are.

Does OPs dad own a house? If not he should use it to do that and it would save all of this. £15k isn’t a lot for a house deposit so I thinks that’s a cop out.

I'm a child from a "first family" and I would find it very unfair. Nothing I could do about it, but I wouldn't feel the same way about my DF. I just wouldn't. Maybe that's unreasonable, but it's true.

It really doesn’t matter now, his relationship with his son and possibly his daughter will never be the same. Even if he rectified the amounts they have no reason to believe that it is accurate. He made his decision and his children are allowed to judge him and look at the relationship they have with him on that decision.

It's completely your Dad's decision how he splits the inheritance and I agree with the way he has done it. He handed over his share in the marital home when he split with his first wife and his older children benefited from that when they were growing up and may well benefit in the future. Also as they are likely to inherit from their GP's properties then it seems very fair. Typical it's the male offspring whinging, male entitlement in full view there.

Could i suggest you re-read the op atleast .

I read it fine the first time, thanks.

@ThePluckOfTheCoward so the brother is entitled because he wants to be treated equally to his siblings but the OP is not entitled when she's arguing she should get more. Sexist and illogical.

No, your dad is NOT right to do that and you are really not right to take it. Enough of the "he insists" You are being grabby at the expense of his other children. Appalling.

The problem is, there's LOADS of ways your Dad could have split this money and made it seem fair between all of his 4 children.

He could have given you all £5K or £10K outright, or less, and then loaned you and your DB the extra for a deposit.

He could have split it 5 ways and the effect to you and your DB would be almost the same as his proposed unfair split.

What he's done is cause division by favouring different children.

He might not mean it to be favouritism. But it is.

The intent behind his actions is not the problem. It is the effect of his actions - how it is perceived - that is the issue.

And as this thread pretty much overwhelmingly tells you, most people would have an emotional reaction to this split as your half-brother has done.

He handed over his share in the marital home when he split with his first wife and his older children benefited from that when they were growing up

What does this even mean? He provided for his children? He did that for his other children too. Why should 2 of them get less?

The inheritance belongs to your dad and if he chooses to share any of it, it's a gift and should be taken as such. It's nobody's business who gets how much. How about everyone stops being so bloody greedy and says thank you to their dad for being so generous? You are aware he is perfectly entitled to spend it all on himself OP?

If this has been left to your father. Its irrelevant who it came from.

It is now simply money your dad has, your gradma is irrelevant, its your fathers money to give how he wants.

Your step brother is being grabby and should be grareful for any gift your father decides to give him. Its not you being grabby by not refusing money

"Does OPs dad own a house? If not he should use it to do that and it would save all of this. £15k isn’t a lot for a house deposit so I thinks that’s a cop out."

OP said her Dad lives in social housing and this will be her only inheritance so no I don't think he does own a house.
Op hasn't stated where she lives in the country but yes £15,000 is enough deposit to buy a house on some parts of the country.

I think the point about the marital home is that he walked away from probably the most significant asset he’s ever had in his life, which if he hadn’t he could then leave equally to all four of his children if he so chose. As it stands, his younger children will never benefit from his former asset.
There’s a a certain logic to that train of thought, although it does lead down a rabbit hole of whataboutery.

Equal split. But you don't want to hear opinions that don't agree with you...

"He handed over his share in the marital home when he split with his first wife and his older children benefited from that when they were growing up"

I also think this is significant depending on how much was paid off of course but the older children will have the money out of this home too that he had previously, but had given to his ex.
OP won't be entitled to his share that he gave away but the half children will and I think that's relevant too.

Whinging and playing the 2nd family card.

Do you realise how insulting this is? I am in a very similar family set up and am the older half sibling. I hope and pray that my lovely little half siblings don’t grow up to think like you.

As Spongebobsaid.

@feistyoneyouare

Could i suggest you re-read the op atleast .

I read it fine the first time, thanks.

tbf you didn't. The Dad isn't willing the money to the children, he's giving it to them now as a gift, he's decided this himself and told them that (not sure why he'd make a point of telling them all that he's giving less to 2 of them though)

@Potcallingkettle

For the sake of so little difference, it would keep the peace to split equally. £60k split 5 ways would give Dad and all four of you £12k each. Not too different to the £15k you get the other way but everyone is fairly treated then.

I would do this.