To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

I’m sorry but “living in a council house”!is out dated. Not everybody is scrimping who lives in a council house..

What do you do for a living OP?
I’m asking because you seem to know the value of other people’s houses.

How would you feel if it were your kids?

I think it’s wrong very wrong. The money should be split it’s how life works you can’t grudge someone because they had a head start in the race before you!

@HaveringWavering

I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Your Dad has no obligation to give money to any of you. He could put it all on a horse if he liked. He is absolutely entitled to give his children money according to relative need. The fact that this is an inheritance is a red herring.

Yeah he could. As is his right.

But treating his children differently is going to cause resentments and issues. And by the looks of it alter family relations forever.

That's the issue.

Yes the fact it's an inheritance is neither here nor there.

Great post @UltimateFoole

Would your dad consider splitting it 5 ways so it's a bit more fairer and he gets a share .

I guess it depends where you live in the country , 15k may not be enough for a deposit if you include all fees etc .

Either your Dad keeps all the money (it is his Mum who passed), perhaps giving you all a token amount.

Or he splits it evenly five ways.

You getting and extra few thousand pounds now will not stop you being envious of your half-siblings when they inherit tens of thousands.

@Angel2702

Should be spilt equally. There is no guarantee at all your siblings would inherit from their Mum, care home fees could swallow up their inheritance.

True.

YABU. I understand your dad wants to make sure those in worse positions are taken care off, but to me this is not a good thing for the family.

@Ideasplease322

Totally fine - I actually think you are right to leave your money to your own children over step children, assuming it’s your own money.

However in this case they aren’t step children, the man has four children he should treat them the same.

It is different yes, as I've said in my first post.

It's just funny to me how the responses differ. There is lots of 'its not your half siblings fault they will inherit more from their Mum' but when I said the same about my DC, how it wasn't their fault that their M (me) was the one with the large inheritance and not my DSC, it was appalling and unfair and why would I want siblings to have potentially such a difference in future finances etc...

Also lots of 'Dad should treat all siblings equally irrespective of how much they'll potentially inherit in the future' here which again, I agree with but on my thread it was DH should leave more to his first children so it's more even irrespective of the fact he is father to all.

Just noting out loud the difference...

This happened to my husband and siblings. The 3 older siblings (of which my husband was one) got a one line mention in the will to say as they'd had more money over the years everything was going to the new family.

All the money they'd had was from their mother's side of the family, their dad had also interpreted their trust fund wording to include his 2nd family (it was very badly worded as children of both parents). DH and siblings were extremely hurt, especially as step mum didn't allow them to take any momentos. I'd split it fairly.

It is a difficult one and your dad could absolutely decide to keep the money himself and that would be fair enough. He has several children and not just two and I would expect him to split it equally to be fair or he could give himself a share and donate half of that share to you and half to your brother. It does very much sound like second family syndrome. It isn't fair that they should inherit nothing because their mum is more wealthy than yours. Why does that matter, their mum has nothing do do with you and if she has made better life choices/had better circumstances than your own mother why should her children be penalised for that? No one should be relying on handouts to get a deposit, most of us have to save and make the most of our own lot. You are being entitled.

Your being a single mum and living in a rental has nothing to do with whether you should inherit, you have made your own life choices.

@UltimateFoole wow! Your husband's older children are going to inherit from their mother and her family? Presumably your kids might inherit from your family? Either way they're being treated unfairly because they're parents aren't together. I wonder how you'd feel if your marriage breaks up and your husband goes on to have more kids? Would you feel that it was ok for your kids to be left out?

I'm sad for your step children.

@UltimateFoole how I see it with step children. If the money is from the shares parent it should be split equally. Money from the step parent should just go to their children. The OP’s money is from the shares grandparents so should be split equally. If it was from her maternal grandparents the. Half siblings have no moral right to that.

I help my two dc when I can and when they need it.
I never tell the other dc what I have given.

I know my db has had many handouts from my dm, its her money and not my business.
He's still worse off than I am.

My df has two people in his will who are not my family but will get an equal share of his money.
Again that's his choice.

Why do people think they have any say in other people's financial decisions?

Equal split is required here OP. Your Father has 4 children, end of.

The thing is, it's all your Dad's money. It's his choice how he divides it - but his biggest mistake is in telling you all the details.

If I were him, I would treat you all fairly because in reality that's what parents should do - but I'd give you all less to start off with, keep a larger sum back for myself (being the ACTUAL beneficiary) and then I'd have the option to lend you and your brother more money to help you buy your houses.

Having said that, your halfbrother is being petty. But it's his choice and right to behave that way.
In the end, it's your father's choice what he does - and whether he wants to risk the closeness between you all over a few thousand.

When it comes down to it, your half-siblings aren't going to share anything they get from their mother with you and your bro, are they - why should they, indeed - so again, your halfbrother is being petty, but that's the way it is.

*wow! Your husband's older children are going to inherit from their mother and her family? Presumably your kids might inherit from your family? Either way they're being treated unfairly because they're parents aren't together. I wonder how you'd feel if your marriage breaks up and your husband goes on to have more kids? Would you feel that it was ok for your kids to be left out?

I'm sad for your step children*

The stepchildren are grown, independent adults. If their dad died financially they’d be fine. The other children would be left orphaned, would you really have their house sold from under them to give half to adult siblings? Their guardians are going to need every penny to potentially buy a bigger house and provide for children they never planned for, and they will miss out on years of earnings from their parents for their upbringings.

When all the children are adults they can revise the wills.

I don’t think you can rely on inheritances. Saying someone has a house worth £400,000 and will get that in years to come. So much can go wrong
My husbands family were once really well off. They weren’t spendthrifts but living for 30 years after retirement. Having some nice holidays each year and care home fees will mean there will not be anything left.

It should be shared equally between the four grandchildren.

@Micah

*wow! Your husband's older children are going to inherit from their mother and her family? Presumably your kids might inherit from your family? Either way they're being treated unfairly because they're parents aren't together. I wonder how you'd feel if your marriage breaks up and your husband goes on to have more kids? Would you feel that it was ok for your kids to be left out?

I'm sad for your step children*

The stepchildren are grown, independent adults. If their dad died financially they’d be fine. The other children would be left orphaned, would you really have their house sold from under them to give half to adult siblings? Their guardians are going to need every penny to potentially buy a bigger house and provide for children they never planned for, and they will miss out on years of earnings from their parents for their upbringings.

When all the children are adults they can revise the wills.

No they wouldn't be orphaned. They'd have their mum. It could be left in liferent trust to the wife and split evenly later. The older kids are being excluded for reasons like being supported through university. Is the PP not going to do that for her own kids.

He should give it equally to all 4 children.

You can't guarantee on inheritances any more unless there are £ millions involved - care fees can quite easily rip through any assets held by relatives!
The mother of your half siblings goes down with dementia or requires care for other reasons? All her assets, including the house, will be used for her care as she will be self-funding....

I'm not opposed to uneven inheritance splits but this stinks of favouritism and I couldn't do it.

It's based on the flimsy expectation that your DHSibs will inherit larger sums when people have seen their GPS and Parents have their savings completed taken up by carehome fees. It costs a lot of money to pay for care and people will £500k - £1mil have lost it all on care. But you are saying a combined pot of £400k they will eventually inherit from which is by all means not guaranteed.

What if they are disinherited? It wouldn't be the first time the deceased promises and will did not line up! I think your dad should keep the majority for himself and split whatever portion he decides equally. That is the only fair thing to do

Your Dad is unbelievable. Treating his children differently like this - well, it sends a clear message who he loves and who he doesn't.

Scum. Sorry, there's no other word for it.

Agree with other posters that all children should be treated equally in inheritance situations.

Anything could happen before they inherit a hypothetical 400k house - most likely care fees which burn through money like anything. Or your financial situation could improve/you could meet someone wealthy or who already owns a house.

Of course it is up to your Dad, but I think it's quite cruel.

Well you've got almost 20 years to make the money they've made for themselves due to the age gap so if I were your dad I'd be splitting anything I gave evenly.

He can't "insist" you take money at the detriment of your relationship with your brother! I'd refuse it.

I usually think parents should split it equally.
But on this occasion I understand your Dad's thinking, It's the only inheritance you will get and he wants to help you and your half siblings will be inheriting significantly more from their side of the family.
I think your Dad's being logical.
I do think it's different with split families if other children are to inherit significantly more which in your case they are.