To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

Loosing a good relationship with your child isn't worth £15K. I'm surprised you and your Dad thought an unequal split wouldn't hurt.

The damage is likely already done now. I have experience of this and it nearly destroyed my relationship with my siblings. The relationship I have with them is worth more than any money and we have all agreed that when my Mum dies, even if the will is unequal, we will split every last penny equally.

His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

I'm guessing you wouldn't be so certain about it if it was the other way round. Of course it looks like favouritism towards his second family

I will add that when Ddad divorced his first wife he walked away from the house they bought together so she could stay there with the kids without having to worry about her home. She then sold that and got a new house with her husband a few years later.

This has got nothing to do with him treating his children differently. Don't be acting like it's ok to give more money to the second 'set' of children simply because he did the right thing and made sure the first had a home

How would you feel if the tables were turned?

Your Dad needs to consider this carefully. If he inherited the money then gives it away and he is claiming any benefits or has to claim in the next few years they could look at this as deprivation of assets. Get him to take proper advice before he does this.

I would be very hurt if a parent did this to me. While you believe he isn't playing favourites that is exactly what it looks like.
If I was in the "older" siblings position I would take it that I mean a lot less to him than his "new" family.
It isn't about the money exactly, more that I'm less important than my half-siblings.

OP, you only think your dad is right because you are in the 'get more' group. Your tune would be very different I think if you were in the other group.

Your tone is smug and no, you don't all 'get on brilliantly'. If you did, this would be an anathema to you and you wouldn't be banging on about how much money their mother has, you'd be calling for fairness. But you're not.

@feistyoneyouare

Please stop dividing up your father's assets before he's even gone, it's incredibly entitled behaviour. Some of us would give anything to have our fathers back and couldn't give a shit about inheritances.

Could i suggest you re-read the op atleast .

Sounds fair to me. He is entitled to leave his money to whoever he wants. His mum presumably wanted him to have it all but he wants to help his younger children get a deposit together. Do the half siblings own a house or are they still living with their mum and new husband?

Its your dads money so up to him how he splits it. The fairest thing would be to split it evenly and you are more likely to think this is fair because you gain more from it financially. Just as you are quietly calculating what they have to make this seem fair to you you half bro is probably doing the same the other way. Your dad should have kept quiet about the amounts, told you to do the same and just split it how he wanted.

"I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental."

How is this relevant. What has that got to do with your half siblings? The money should be shared equally. You are not entitled to more , based solely upon the life decisions you have made.

Sounds totally unfair and wrong to me but ultimately it's his money and so entirely up to him how he splits it. Although I must say, I am surprised that he has opted to discuss this with you... seems needlessly antagonistic to let you know that you're all getting different amounts.

Oh and I was also told that my DH should leave more of his share to his 'first kids' to even the score if I didn't split my inheritance with my DSC as well as our joint DC. Total opposite of what everyone is saying on here where Dad should split everything absolutely equally irrespective of what the Mum leaves her children.

It's your Dad's inheritance, he doesn't have to share any of it.

He's already making a sacrifice that gives away 3/4 of the money so squabbling seems really petty.

I can see why there might be a little niggle of 'fairness' BUT you're all adults and I'm afraid your Hbro dowes need to take into account the bigger picture. Are they feeling the financial burden of a newborn and thinking they could use the money right now?

Either way, not your circus.

Your Dad is only trying to do his best with HIS money, bless him.

Totally fine - I actually think you are right to leave your money to your own children over step children, assuming it’s your own money.

However in this case they aren’t step children, the man has four children he should treat them the same.

Also this isn't an inheritance. it is a gift from your Dad. If the half siblings cannot afford to buy a property then if I were your Dad I would treat all 4 of you the same. If they already have their own properties then I think it is fair to give you and your DB more as you are younger and in a different position. I am not sure any of you should be counting on grandparents leaving either you or your half siblings any money so I don't agree he should consider future inheritances as a factor. Lots of people live for quite a few years past 80 and any property they have may be needed to pay for care home fees or they may decide not to leave it to their family for whatever reason.

Your financial situation has nothing to do with your siblings (or half-siblings, still siblings in my eyes). Your dad should treat all his children equally.

Your dad is favouring you and your brother.
The inheritance should be split equally between all his children.

I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Your Dad has no obligation to give money to any of you. He could put it all on a horse if he liked. He is absolutely entitled to give his children money according to relative need.
The fact that this is an inheritance is a red herring.

Why not split the £60k the 5 ways, 4 children and one pot for your dad. £12.5k rather than £15k for you, Dd and db. It’s not worth your dad loosing a relationship over £2.5k!

Inheritances should always be split equally. Literally no exceptions.

As everyone else has said you should all be treated the same and given the same amount each, if people have done better in life than others that's not their fault or if they are going to inherit more from another family member that's not their fault either.

YABU. Equal shares and not judging your own children is the only fair way.

And OMG your attitude towards money. Your parents only inherited "a few thousand". You have calculated all the Inheritance you think your family members will be getting down to the last pound. Such a grasping attitude. Why not go out and work for your own money?

What's the betting thay these oh so neatly calculated sums get "swallowed up in family expenses" again and you all end up with a tbiusand each.

@ElizabethofpeanutYorkies

"I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental."

How is this relevant. What has that got to do with your half siblings? The money should be shared equally. You are not entitled to more , based solely upon the life decisions you have made.

Agree with this exactly.

@HaveringWavering

I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Your Dad has no obligation to give money to any of you. He could put it all on a horse if he liked. He is absolutely entitled to give his children money according to relative need. The fact that this is an inheritance is a red herring.

I disagree with that, HaveringWavering, I think that during a parent's lifetime, it's fine to give help based on need. Two of my brothers need more than I do, I wouldn't want that help as it wouldn't have the same impact and I don't need it - I'd want them to have it.

An inheritance is different in my book, it's equal because it's to clearly indicate that all were equal and that's important.

It's your dad's money and for him to do with it as he sees fit. If your half-siblings are likely to inherit considerably more from their mother's side I can see why he's made that choice. It's understandable that he wants to give you OP and DB money that could mean you can own your own home - that's pretty life changing. £15k is not going to have the same impact for your half-siblings.

For those who say it's not worth falling out with family for £15k - well surely that's true of your half-DB too. He could make peace with the decision and take the view it's only money. Why should everyone else change just because half-DB is upset. He has every right to feel what he feels but not to expect everything to change because of his feelings. That's emotional blackmail.

My DGM left more to my uncle than to my DF when she died - and it did hurt my DF. But ultimately it was DGM's money and she could do what she wanted with it. No idea why she did this but we all get on with it - even though it does stick in the craw a bit to see my cousins have their homes bought for them with that money. But that's life.

My DH's will specifically says that his grown up DCs will get nothing when he dies because they are in line to inherit substantially from their DM and her family. We made this decision because our DCs together are still very young whereas the grown up DCs from the first family already have independent lives. Actually we still help them out - but they are in principle able to support themselves, have been supported through uni etc. If - God forbid - DH dies the our young DCs will need the whole inheritance to get anything like the same level of financial support.

People do as they see fit. Your half DB may be hurt by it or whatever but ultimately there's no reason why he should be the one who gets to decide. It's really up to him if he wants to fall out with you all over it.