To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

YABU.

I always hate this sort of thing. It's so difficult...I agree that splitting 5 ways is better.

My DH's sister is always going on about how since she lives with her Dad then she should "get" his house when he dies and that DH should inherit MILs (they're divorced)

She's 50 and has never lived alone! She has one child and just leeches off her Dad.

His house is worth about a mil and MIL's is worth half that and remortgaged! Luckily, FIL ignores her and has told DH his estate is to be split equally.

I told DH to expect an almighty tantrum when SIL has to leave that hosue.

So from your reasoning, I should give my second child (different father) less inheritance than my first born as my second child in the future may inherit more from her father side.

I would never do that. You must treat your children the same. I also never would want to cause conflict between my children by treating them differently. I feel your getting a kick out of this by feeling more 'special' as the second family.

Your Dad is behaving foolishly and that's a shame.

I can't imagine his mother's wishes were to favour some of her grandchildren and not others, was it?

Ah, ‘it’s ok dear half brother, your mum might die soon and then we will be equal’.

Your half siblings are being punished for not living in the same situation as you and your brother. And for having a mother who isn’t struggling.

I think that’s a really horrible thing your dad is considering doing and the relationship with his children he treats as less will never recover. If you care about your siblings and are as close knit as you say then you would see it from their side, but you’re evidently not that close as all you care about is the money you’re getting.

The money was left to your Dad. He is under no obligation whatsoever to pass it on, how he does if he wants to is up to him. As the older siblings may have already received help previously its up to him to decide what he thinks is fair - if he says to older ones you had help with xyz and I am just providing the same to the younger ones then fair enough - people need money at different times. I am the eldest of 6 and Dad is on his last legs bless him but he has said to myself and my sister as executors that we have all had our fair share and any "debts" were wiped and we were all equal and any left overs should be divided equally. I had money to help when we were struggling with a new business, another sister when her business went into debt, another brother with cc debt and another brother when he moved house, another for an engagement ring etc so all for different things at different times of our life. So its not just about being equal its about being fair - if he helped his older kids earlier then what is wrong with now helping the younger ones?? Only your Dad knows what is fair and frankly if it were me any moaners would get nowt

Maybe your dad should have just kept all of the money and given it out as and when you and your siblings needed it?

I don't disagree with what he's done here, but think he could have avoided the drama by doling out the money as and when. So you and your brother could have still got your house deposits, but it probably wouldn't have bothered your older brother if it wasn't all just handed out unequally.

It's not about what your half siblings might inherit from their mother (which has no guarantees) to even the score. It's about what your father, father of all of you, does for each of you from what he has to give.

The way you talk about your half siblings, plus your claim that you feel bad about taking the money even while you argue that you're entitled to more, is telling.

Your DF is making a mistake IMO! All of his children should get the same. Different financial needs shouldn’t come into it unless there’s a dependent child (eg one of you is under-18 or has a learning disability). Otherwise of course it’ll just breed resentment between you.

In DF’s position (assuming the Will doesn’t make things clear!), I’d keep most of it (£40k), and gift each of you £5k.

I don't think you would believe that your dad is doing the right thing if you were one of the siblings!

He needs to give all his kids an equal amount.
It is not his older kids fault they are doing better.
Doesnt your grandma have her own will to decide who gets the money.
Did she say how much you should get or was it just divided between her kids.
Obviously it's up to your dad how he wants to divide it but I wouldn't be surprised If it causes division between your siblings if it isnt shared out equally

@Potcallingkettle

For the sake of so little difference, it would keep the peace to split equally. £60k split 5 ways would give Dad and all four of you £12k each. Not too different to the £15k you get the other way but everyone is fairly treated then.

I agree with this.

Inheritance isn't guaranteed. All the houses could be sold to cover care costs.

All kids should be treated the same.

OP, says he has based his decision on "who he thinks needs the money more"

if the op now gets a well-paid job or a wealthier partner, or if the half-siblings lose a job or get illness, then the resentment will grow - because of the dad's choices.

No that's hideous. He has 4 children and you should all be treated equally. Of course you think it's fair - you're getting the better deal!

Unfortunately I have to say, YABU.

Emotions and personal circumstances really shouldn’t come into play if you are all equally close to your father. My answer would be different if any of the family were estranged, but if you all have an equal healthy relationship with your dad then personal circumstances are, and should be, irrelevant. At this moment in time yes, you need it more than the others, but who’s to say that will always be the case.

If your half siblings get into a situation where they are in financial difficulty, would you give up the extra money that you received to make it equal? I very much doubt it.

He shouldn’t have told them, he should just tell them they’re getting £X and then they’d have been happy.

YANBU it's your father's money from his parent and he is under no obligation to pass it down to you, his children until he has passed on himself. It could of course be swallowed up in his care home fees or spent by him on something else. Having chosen to do it earlier now, changes everything where sibling fairness is concerned - he is forgoing money he could well use himself for pleasures/luxuries and allocating it now to those most indeed of a 'leg up' at this point. This is his decision but it would have been wiser to not discuss it.

However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness

This is just mean. "Second family card"...you got your Dad living with you your whole childhood, your brother still lives with his parents. You half siblings didn't, he left them and moved on and had a new family.
Now all these years later your Dad is still favouring his second family at the expense of his first.

Of course your half brother is upset. It's not about the money, its about being treated as less yet again, as he has done for most of his life.

You might think your half sister is ok with this. Many people like to keep the peace. She is probably not going to let on her real feelings. I know from experience with dads 'new' family things like this are always hurtful

He should be treating you all the same tbh and if he isn't why did he broadcast how much he's giving everyone?

None of this makes any sense. Your DF has no way of knowing what his other DCs will inherit from elsewhere and can't use that as an excuse to treat them differently.
Also £15k isn't going to get you a house. It's only worthwhile as a deposit if you can get a mortgage based on your own income/salary. So it sounds as though his excuse for giving you more doesn't stack up on any level - his other DCs might not inherit and the £15k won't get you a house.

[quote sadirahunet]@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

It was the early 80s. The mortgage was paid off.[/quote]
I doubt that. The interest was really high in the early 80s.

Should be spilt equally. There is no guarantee at all your siblings would inherit from their Mum, care home fees could swallow up their inheritance.