To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

@ittakes2

For all the people who are saying its your dad's inheritance he can spend it how he wants - that is very true. But if he is splitting it unevenly amongst his kids that your brother is completedly justified in being hurt that he is favouring his new family.

True, but I get the sense they are all coming at this with the mindset that they are owed something. They're not. They might of course be disappointed at the way their dad distributes the money, but they can also remind themselves that they are very lucky to be getting anything, and that it's not their decision to make.

Your Dad needs to keep this money. If he is claiming benefits it will need to be declared and will be treated as income. The fact that he had given it to you will not be accepted as valid spending and his benefit will be stopped.

Also if your father dies in the next few years, you may be liable to pay inheritance tax on any money he has given away in the 7 years preceding his death. I think he can give away £3000 per year without incurring a liability for inheritance tax on the recipients.

He should really get some advice before he gives this money away.

Not really sure why you started the thread.

You’re clearly entitled to more than your half siblings, and in fact screw them, they don’t deserve a penny.

Treating children differently is only ever going to cause division............things in the family will never be the same now.

YABU. I can see how his other children might be upset that dad is favouring you and your brother over them.

Regardless of life choices and lifestyle. Your older half siblings are more likely to be in a more stable financial position because of their age. They should still benefit equally from your dad's generosity.

Completely unreasonable.

Really feel for your siblings ☹

It should be equal. I'm sorry that your financial situation is difficult. We didn't have a lot of money growing up, but my dad has always drummed in saving where possible. So I worked hard to put my spare money in to savings and am now buying a flat and am 28. It was hard but worth it. Inheritance should be equal in my opinion.

@sadirahunet YABVU. Of COURSE you should all get the same.

You sound a bit grabby tbh.

So in your theory if my DHs family is rich and my siblings wont inherit much from spouse side, my parents should give most of their money to my siblings and less to me to make it fair?
Things always get difficult when it comes to money, so the fairest and easiest way to deal with it is to split everything evenly. Its obviously your fathers decision, but i can see why you half sibling feels like he favours you.

Sorry it should be split equally, you don't deserve more because you're a single mum in a rental. It will cause bad feeling no doubt and will sour relations with your dad I'm sure, but if he's happy to accept that, then that's his right.
It should be split equally with no favouritism on any childs part.

YABVU. All children should be treated equally.

How old are the older siblings?

Personally, I think your dad has his reasons and they aren't grounded in favouritism, and a mature adult ought to be sensible enough to respect that.

@crowsfeet57 would that apply if they did a deed of variation? Genuine question as I wonder how that would effect his benefits entitlement. Seems odd if there’s a loophole there

I think it should be split equally but I don't think you should be discussing it with him and should keep out of it to avoid you falling out with your half siblings (which would likely cause your father pain).
I don't know why your Dad is having protracted discussions about this before it is done.
As pp said, if your half sister thinks she has got too much she can gift some to you after (she won't, she is saying it is fair because she wants your father to decide).

I could see how this split culd be invredibly hurtful and, tbh, this phrasing: whinging and playing the 'second family' card gives me the impression that everything was not so cosy and close and friendly beforehand.

Which leads me to wonder if the money here is a further hurt upon previous hurts...

I think your actually missing the point that your half siblings might never actually inherit from their family if they live well into old age any money they have may be used to fund their care.

Inheritance is not a certainty for them at this point.

It doesn't really matter if your half sibling inherit £5 or £5 million from their mother's family. Fact is, their dad is giving them less than his 'new' family. Whatever the reasons and justifications, he's choosing to give them less. That will sting and possible damage his relationship with his children and their relationship with their siblings.

I disagree with most of these comments.

I understand why OP's older brother feels hurt, but equally think it's not fair of him. If OP's dad left the paid-off family home with his ex then actually his older kids are getting a massive chunk of 'his' money that his younger kids won't see.

Also, he is still giving his older kids 7.5k each, hardly being stingy??

@TwunchOfBats

I could see how this split culd be invredibly hurtful and, tbh, this phrasing: whinging and playing the 'second family' card gives me the impression that everything was not so cosy and close and friendly beforehand.

Which leads me to wonder if the money here is a further hurt upon previous hurts...

I agree, that phrasing is quite telling.

He obviously can do what he wants. But he cannot do this and expect everyone to be happy, it is a horrible thing to do.

I personally feel he should split it evenly but it's his decision of course. Who's to say the children that get less won't need the money in the future??

Sorry no not reasonable, if there's 4 grandchildren what is fair is equal. If your father wants to loan you money from his share that is different to gifting

@sadirahunet

I have to ask, what if it was the other way round? If me and Dbro were due to inherit hundred’s of thousands from our maternal grandparents providing they were still alive, and Ddad knew that his older children were getting absolutely nothing beyond the money from his mum so gave them a bit extra, would it sound so horrifying? Really?

Half siblings have also been promised inheritance from both grandparents already. This was mentioned in passing a few years ago.

I think the real question is why are you relying so heavily on inheritance to fix your and your brothers lives? You’re both adults, it isn’t someone else’s responsibility to die and make things better for you.

Parents should treat all their adult kids equally when it comes to inheritance.

The only case where it would be justified to leave someone more is if the adult child had made a financial sacrifice by having to quit their job to care for the elderly person (in which case it would make sense they would leave you a bit more to make up for it in their will).

You sound like you think your half-siblings are somehow less important than your side of the family and are enjoying this a bit too much...this attitude just poisons families.

You are only thinking like this because it suits you and it is in your favour.
I really disagree with your Father on this he is causing a division, it should be shared equally.
Why Is it some families give to the one with the least wealth. I know a situation where someone worked hard and acquired a nice life. When money was given it went to the sister who never worked because she was less well off. Why should one sibling pay for another's life choice.
It's the same for your family and I am on your brothers side. Your Father playing the hurt card does not wash with me, he has shown favouritism and gone to you and your brother.