It’s getting to us all but stop with the pile on

[2021namechanger]

awaits pile on but - the last three threads I’ve looked at have people falling over themselves to be vicious.
Yes MN “tells it like it is” but right now it’s like someone could write something as innocuous as “I’ve burned the toast for dinner” and within a few posts they will be accused of not giving a fuck about the planet, trying to poison their family and probably told that their kids will despise them when they’re grown up.

Wtf is wrong with everyone?

carefully you will get reported! 🤣

YANBU this place is toxic at the moment.

(Another practical tip is to use the topics more and AIBU less)

Good advice.

Beyond

Certain areas can be toxic.

Many others are supportive and a joy.

It depends on where you post/read

I didn’t realise when I first came on to mumsnet that AIBU was so tough compared to the chat section so I posted in AIBU and I had to sit down with some of the responses 🤣 now I know it’s ‘no bars held honest whether you like it or not and I don’t care if I upset you’ I’m more use to it. You can’t be cross with people if you don’t like what they say your asking for an opinion but I do think sometimes people go a little too far

@Beyondfedupnow

YANBU this place is toxic at the moment.

I think any social media can be toxic if you don't take things with a massive pinch of salt and take everything too personally

People saying that the OP is unreasonable are the ones who can't see they are the problem.

I think if the AIBU threads were differentiated from the other topics on the Active, I'm On etc categories.

Perhaps AIBU could have the background coloured in yellow or something so they stand out. That might encourage casual users to click on them rather than on other threads from other topics?

Or, Active could be presented in two categories - the first displayed being AIBU and 30 odd threads shown there. Then you scroll down to find Other Active Topics or somesuch, which shows 25/30 threads.

Casual users may not bother to scroll, just as they don't bother to use other Topics (or not much).

@MiaMarshmallows

People saying that the OP is unreasonable are the ones who can't see they are the problem.

You are completely proving the point though.

OP: MN is vicious at the moment
Poster A: It's always accused of being vicious
Poster B: You are part of the problem

I don't agree that having a different opinion is a problem, I am just not sure someone should spend so much time on here if they can't take another view, or take everything personally or feel judged. 🤷

There are enough moderators to prevent things reaching unacceptable levels.

Huge difference in a different opinion to someone to actually being downright rude and nasty for the fun of it.

Either way, I'm glad I can sleep of a night knowing I haven't been cruel to anyone.

Either way, I'm glad I can sleep of a night knowing I haven't been cruel to anyone.
you and me both

but you have to appreciate that on MN you can be called "rude" for merely expressing an opinion or a judgement.

Just try a "I don't like grey" and see how many posters you manage to offend with that small sentence

I disagree.
Some really are nasty for the sake of it. I speak to others how I want to be spoken to and always remember that you never know what the person behind the screen is going through. That one nasty comment could tip them over the edge. Some might say, well they shouldn't post if they are that vulnerable. I do not agree. Now more than ever, social forums might be someone's only contact with another person.

nasty and abusive, you report and move on.

MN is not better or worst than usual.

Again, disagree. Definitely seems nastier than normal.

The thing I have most difficulty with is the intellectual snobbery.
Constant sneering references to the perceived lack of intelligence of people who hold different views, or who may not express themselves in the MN house style, or are less articulate, or don't know all the rules of grammar.
People who may not have had access to the same type or level of education as others are ridiculed or silenced.

Robust debate on a contentious issue is usual, but seeing people absolutely try and outdo each ither in how nasty they can be to an indivisible poster talking about their actual life is pretty fucking awful.

And while of course you can report - it’s a bit like “strike that from the record” in court - the person has probably still seen it - just because it gets removed doesn’t mean they won’t still feel hurt.

@User2921

The thing I have most difficulty with is the intellectual snobbery. Constant sneering references to the perceived lack of intelligence of people who hold different views, or who may not express themselves in the MN house style, or are less articulate, or don't know all the rules of grammar. People who may not have had access to the same type or level of education as others are ridiculed or silenced.

I think the people who do this are actually the thick ones trying to pretend they are intellectually superior! They certainly have no manners that's for sure.

I have noticed a bit of uncalled-for behaviour recently, not so much pile-ons as race-to-be-first.

I browse a fair number of threads, and increasingly I found myself wondering if people are just poised at their keyboard waiting for a new thread to be posted so that they can be the first response. And that response would be spectacularly unhelpful. Sneering. Snobbish. Downright disrespectful. Usually to an OP that was asking for advice.

I mean, what do they get out of that? A stranger asking for help, and you jump in to give them a metaphorical kicking? Do you get your jollies knowing the OP is likely upset now? Might be reluctant to ask for help again?

I do wonder at such people.

There's a swift escalation factor on threads where the opinions are pretty unanimous but people feel obliged to add something anyway, but 1% more 'concerned' than the last person. So responses go from, 'Oh no, that's a bit off' to 'I would report that' to 'Why haven't you reported it?' to 'You are a monster and don't deserve to own a dog/be a parent/live', in about fifty posts.

And the projection has gone through the roof lately.

It's always been pretty brutal in AIBU, though - it's not a proper thread unless you have the following ...

A Grammer Nazi.

A load of people telling the Grammer Nazi to do one.

Two posters who take huge exception to each other and squabble for 20 pages after everyone else has got bored and gone to bed.

A gentle flower begging everyone to be kind.

An assortment of smug bastards trotting out variations of " Well if you're not prepared to spend 8 days a week servicing their every need you shouldn't have had children ... "

Someone who disinfects their home and family every 30 minutes and wants you to know that you're a filthy minger because you don't do the same.

The Covid Police.

Somebody who is fizzing with outrage at the callousness of the OP - even if it's a thread about parking ... " How could you!? My dear departed mother was a terrible parker and not a day goes by without me welling up at the thought that l'll never see her wedged sideways across our cul-de-sac again ... "

I do love AIBU but it possibly needs a sort of disclaimer/health warning before people post here.

Yes I've noticed this too. Think levels of frustration have increased due to homeschool and people are venting at strangers on the Internet!

It's TRUE. I used to nice on MN but I think I'm quite the bitch now. I'm trying not to post on threads that wind me up. I think the thing that is mostly boiling my piss on here right now is the undercurrent that kids dont need education until this is completely over which wont be this year..

In 2019 I was battling to get my severly anxious child into year 11. Getting no support and being threatened with fines and prison. Then he had his gcses guessed and no one gives a crap what my kids are learning.

It's not about the right or wrong of lockdown, it's the frothing for kids under the bus. I dont see it in real life at any of their schools. But it's just knowing that a vocal element want schools shut for a long as it takes to get to zero and it's a tiny price to pay. I'm sure it is if you no school age kids.

It's not a nice place here. Not sure it ever was really. Its normally a good short distraction but it's not right now

if you want distractions, why don't you read other threads than school/covid?

There's a thread about toilets in the bedroom at the moment

@Aelfrid

There's a swift escalation factor on threads where the opinions are pretty unanimous but people feel obliged to add something anyway, but 1% more 'concerned' than the last person. So responses go from, 'Oh no, that's a bit off' to 'I would report that' to 'Why haven't you reported it?' to 'You are a monster and don't deserve to own a dog/be a parent/live', in about fifty posts.

And the projection has gone through the roof lately.

^ this ^^ It starts with “well you’ve been a bit unreasonable/unkind whatever - to basically “you’re an unworthy mother/wife/human being”