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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s getting to us all but stop with the pile on

133 replies

2021namechanger · 27/01/2021 22:46

awaits pile on but - the last three threads I’ve looked at have people falling over themselves to be vicious.
Yes MN “tells it like it is” but right now it’s like someone could write something as innocuous as “I’ve burned the toast for dinner” and within a few posts they will be accused of not giving a fuck about the planet, trying to poison their family and probably told that their kids will despise them when they’re grown up.

Wtf is wrong with everyone?

OP posts:
Plonque · 28/01/2021 00:50

everyone knows that you'll get a harsher response in AIBU

This really pisses me off. Answering a post in Aibu doesn't give you some god given right to be a cunt. There's no disclaimer at the top "these threads aren't monitored, be as big a dickhead as you please"

Op, I agree. I've been thinking about taking some time out from MN as it's just become unbearable!

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 28/01/2021 01:09

@marbellamarc

not really. There was next to no traffic during the first lockdown. Cars were pretty much only driven by genuine critical workers who needed to work.

Miss the point much. The point was if you are out driving & you think the roads are busy why assume you have valid reasons & others don't?

you insist on missing the point. If everybody had valid reasons, then the traffic would have been the same during the first lockdown.

Funnily enough, it wasn't. No one has suddenly become essential since last summer.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 28/01/2021 01:12

@Plonque

everyone knows that you'll get a harsher response in AIBU

This really pisses me off. Answering a post in Aibu doesn't give you some god given right to be a cunt. There's no disclaimer at the top "these threads aren't monitored, be as big a dickhead as you please"

Op, I agree. I've been thinking about taking some time out from MN as it's just become unbearable!

On MN you can be called a cunt, a troll, or a MAN or just to fuck off because you have a different opinion. Grin

If you prefer to stick with the "you ok hun", AIBU might not be the best for you

ilovesooty · 28/01/2021 02:08

@doctorhamster

Yanbu. There have always been some properly nasty people on this site but they do seem to have multiplied of late.
I dont think it's any different to how it's always been, taking into account the difficult circumstances of the moment. This is obviously this week's "you're all horrible" thread though.
EuphieKat · 28/01/2021 06:05

I totally agree with you 2021namechanger. It’s almost as if people have all of this pent up anger and they can’t take it out on their family, or whoever they live with, so they do it to a faceless stranger who doesn’t have a clue who they are. I wonder what percentage of posters would say the same in ‘real life’ if they were talking to an actual person?

Sparklingbrook · 28/01/2021 06:55

It doesn’t help that AIBU is used ‘for traffic’ so half the time there isn’t even an ‘AIBU’ to answer.

I think a lot of posters absolutely would be the same in RL. If someone I knew in RL said some of the stuff on here I would be just as Hmm and say so.

marbellamarc · 28/01/2021 08:05

you insist on missing the point. If everybody had valid reasons, then the traffic would have been the same during the first lockdown.

What are you still struggling to comprehend???

The point is if you believe your journey, jog, trip to the supermarket is valid (it might be, it might not be) then you have to accept other people doing the same as you feel the same.

marbellamarc · 28/01/2021 08:17

Funnily enough, it wasn't. No one has suddenly become essential since last summer.

To repeat more traffic is not necessarily a symptom of everyone now being an essential worker. We have fewer furloughed, it's winter. Many people have switched from public transport, taxis to their own vehicles. Public transport figs are massively down & more people want their own method of transport.
Huge growth in online shopping eg Sainsbury's numbers went up by 120% That's more delivery vans on the road. Lockdown fatigue, people scared of losing jobs etc. A myriad of reason

Macncheeseballs · 28/01/2021 08:20

I'm not a big fan of all the swearing

Januaryissodull · 28/01/2021 08:24

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

Do you think that it's only essential workers that should be out on the roads? If so why do you think this?

During the first lockdown I can think of at least 7 people I know just off the top of my head who were on furlough from factory/manufacturing type roles. This time they are expected into work.

There are lots more takeaways open this time, all of those people will need to go to work and the people picking up the takeaways and deliveries.

Many dentists are back doing check ups.

Car repair garages are open.

Those are just a few things that I can think of off the top of my head. They will all create traffic.

Do you not understand this?

Belledan1 · 28/01/2021 08:26

I hate the ones when someone comes on for parent advice and at the end of their thether and some nasty person posts "just parent properly ". Also the same if there is a light hearted thread about their partner irritating them for not helping in house, driving them mad about being at home all day or leaving the lid off sugar and someone posts leave them or their other half would never do this as they are perfect. I even seen one calling the OP's partner a cu#t once for something he did light hearted.

TiredUselessHopeless · 28/01/2021 08:27

I was a bit disturbed by a thread the other day berating women of a size 14! I hope the OP of that one wasn’t affected by the response.

Chunkymenrock · 28/01/2021 08:33

Oh I wish I were only a size 14. I'm worried about the fake posts tbh. There are a lot. I just read the active posts, never notice if they're AIBU.

5aside1 · 28/01/2021 08:35

I couldn’t agree more. Considering that the very purpose of this site is to be a mutually supportive space for mums the amount of vitriol on this site is really sad. Even if you think someone’s behaving like an arsehole or you strongly disagree with their views their is still a way to voice that with kindness and respect. It’s certainly made me want to take a break from a site which I’ve always in the past found to be funny, informative and reassuring. Thanks for raising this OP

SophocIestheFox · 28/01/2021 08:35

Yeah, I think that has been an uptick in cuntiness, OP.

But pointing it out results in some sort of Schrodingers cunt effect where the observation of the behaviour increases it Grin

Sorry macncheeseballs, the swearing is all that keeps me going some days!

I think people are struggling and lashing out. It’s easier to jump to the worst possible interpretation when you’re as strung out as we all seem to be.

I’ve had to step back a bit and take up meditation instead

marbellamarc · 28/01/2021 08:40

I was a bit disturbed by a thread the other day berating women of a size 14

MNs has always had weird hung ups re weight.

marbellamarc · 28/01/2021 08:40

And eating.

praecantator · 28/01/2021 08:47

Agree, LTB is dished out every time someone is mildly upset about whatever their DH/DP has concocted in their ignorance.
Life in any relationship is so much more nuanced than good/bad. Hmm

KatherineJaneway · 28/01/2021 08:53

I was shocked by the woman who wanted schools to open and didn't care about the NHS collapsing as 'its only people over 60 in ICU anyway'.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 28/01/2021 08:53

I've been here almost ten years and I would never post asking for advice Blush I'd be to worried to read the answers in case there was a massive pile on!

marbellamarc · 28/01/2021 08:54

My favourite is the stock response to finding it difficult to homeschool. "you shouldn't have dc if you can't look after them". 🤯

MiaMarshmallows · 28/01/2021 08:56

I know what you mean. Some exceptionally spiteful people here who say what they like feeling like the big woman when in reality they would never say it to you face to face. Sad how some get their power kicks.

Moo678 · 28/01/2021 09:08

I’ve not voted because I’m a bit on the fence. When I want gentle chat or am feeling vulnerable I go on the pregnancy forum and I often post my experiences in there and try to provide support. I’ve not really seen an escalation in nastiness - people are usually kind.

When I want to be entertained or marvel at the appallingness of other human beings I come on AIBU. It’s like watching Eastenders or the walking dead. It’s not somewhere I would ever start a thread and in fact I don’t allow myself to post on controversial topics (except this one) because it’s too easy to get drawn in. But I do enjoy rubber necking at the threads. I sort of assume that everyone recognises AIBU as a bear pit and comes in wearing their hard hat and carrying a bucket of popcorn....

What I do find unreasonable is the number of threads about whether kids should be in school - I feel that storyline has been done to death - what I’d like is a really good parking thread with a diagram.....

ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 28/01/2021 09:11

YANBU I have posted some really innocuous things and been ripped to bits! Not been here long at all. I console myself though that some posters obviously need an outlet for something and it is not real life.

lightand · 28/01/2021 09:17

18% disagree with you, so I think you have your work cut out!

I havent been around long, but I am already seeing what may be serial, cut people down a peg or two, posters.
In real life, their words would be largely ignored.

There hardly seems a thread where the op gets some flack, like you say, whatever they write.
And woebetide the poster who doesnt phrase something very well.

Swipe left for the next trending thread