Why do thin people say they’re fat all the time?

[Lollipop1234]

Starting to get irritated by friend who is always texting about her weight, how many snacks she’s had, how her stomach is massive, how enormous she is and that she’s disgusted with herself as she’s nearly 9 stone and has never been that heavy in her life.....saying she looks like a beached whale etc.saying she’s having to buy size 10.

Friend is size 8 and no more than 8.5 stone wet through. Friend is 50+ so old enough to know better. Is this attention seeking?

I am constantly having to text back about how she’s not fat at all and has nothing to worry about, but it’s starting to annoy me! She does it a bit with clothes too, always buying new stuff and then saying she has nothing to wear and looks scruffy, when it’s obvious she’s made effort!

Being size 10-12 and well over 9 stone myself, I find it all a bit bizarre to be honest! Does she think I look like a beached whale? Am I saying the wrong thing? What am I supposed to say?

If you’re overweight hearing slim friends talk about how “disgusting” they are for putting on a few pounds you never believe them when they say how lovely you are. And when they refer to themselves as a “beached whale” what are they referring to you as as someone who is genuinely overweight.

But then I read
Being size 10-12 and well over 9 stone myself, I find it all a bit bizarre to be honest! and had to eye roll because you’re doing it yourself.

It’s not attention seeking, she’s wanting to vent but being unaware of the impact of her words.

It isn’t necessarily attention seeking. I’m a size 6/8 and at the minute I really hate my body. Even though I am small I’d you’re defining my size by the clothes size I wear, my body is all the wrong shape and I have fat bulging in places that just look really wrong on my small frame. Having children has destroyed my stomach muscles and I constantly look pregnant. I have a horrible pouch where my c-section scar is. My confidence in the way I look is at an all time low. I don’t really tell my friends how I feel, mail my because I’m worried about people
reacting as above. Body issues don’t just affect those who are overweight. Some of us smaller people would like a place to vent too.

@Weedinosaurus

It isn’t necessarily attention seeking. I’m a size 6/8 and at the minute I really hate my body. Even though I am small I’d you’re defining my size by the clothes size I wear, my body is all the wrong shape and I have fat bulging in places that just look really wrong on my small frame. Having children has destroyed my stomach muscles and I constantly look pregnant. I have a horrible pouch where my c-section scar is. My confidence in the way I look is at an all time low. I don’t really tell my friends how I feel, mail my because I’m worried about people reacting as above. Body issues don’t just affect those who are overweight. Some of us smaller people would like a place to vent too.

Well said.

It may not be attention seeking, but it is fucking dull conversation nonetheless. No one wants to listen to someone constantly whinging about some non-issue, or listing everything they've eaten.

There’s nothing more boring to me than repeated conversation about weight and diets. I would just keep shutting it down and changing the subject.

@Interweb, it may be a non issue to you but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important to someone else. I generally try to realise that in life, I don’t get to decide what is and isn’t important to others and realise it isn’t my place to judge.

For some people body image is a massive deal - for all kinds of reasons.

It frustrates me that body issues are seen as ‘shallow’/ non-issues when often they are an indicator of something much deeper going on.

Empathy is key.

[quote Weedinosaurus]@Interweb, it may be a non issue to you but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important to someone else. I generally try to realise that in life, I don’t get to decide what is and isn’t important to others and realise it isn’t my place to judge.

For some people body image is a massive deal - for all kinds of reasons.

It frustrates me that body issues are seen as ‘shallow’/ non-issues when often they are an indicator of something much deeper going on.

Empathy is key.[/quote]

I feel you and I may be in the minority with our empathic ability.

[quote Weedinosaurus]@Interweb, it may be a non issue to you but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important to someone else. I generally try to realise that in life, I don’t get to decide what is and isn’t important to others and realise it isn’t my place to judge.

For some people body image is a massive deal - for all kinds of reasons.

It frustrates me that body issues are seen as ‘shallow’/ non-issues when often they are an indicator of something much deeper going on.

Empathy is key.[/quote]
Sure. But empathy works both ways. Do you think the OP's friend is being considerate of her audience when she constantly complains and seeks compliments, or monologues about the snacks she's eaten?

Because they genuinely think they are. I was a size 6/8, and trust me I thought I was fat, fat in terms of my arms are so big, need to lose weight there, tummy not flat, thighs are big. Am no longer that skinny anymore and boy when I look back at my pics I can't believe I thought I was fat!!! I think where my waist was so small, it made my arms look so huge even though they actually were not.

I Also did a lot of calorie counting. Cut sugar out. She's texting you about because it helps to talk about it. She's not boasting.

I think because we use 'fat' and 'put on weight' interchangably. I hate it when a slim woman who has put on a bit of weight talks about 'I've got so fat'. I have in this lockdown suddenly put on not so much weight as waist and a bunch of stuff doesn't fit me anymore... but my daughter will never hear me say 'I've got so fat', because I'm not 'fat', though I could do with losing some weight so it doesn't build up too much (have a hip condition, which will be exacerbated if I get overweight).

And young girls who want to be 'grown up' learn that being a woman is all about hating your body and saying that you're 'fat' in order to gain social acceptance and be 'one of the girls'.

I think because we use 'fat' and 'put on weight' interchangably. I hate it when a slim woman who has put on a bit of weight talks about 'I've got so fat'.

Surely the definition of fat is relative, though, to what a person is used to. Similar to a person larger than me losing weight (but still being larger than me), and saying "gosh I've lost a bit of weight - I feel slim!". It would never occur to me to impose my own parameters of what "slim" means based on how I look myself, and reply with "that's not slim - you're not a size 8 like me are you?". I'd respond with "wow well done you", etc. So why, then, is it not ok for a smaller woman to put weight on, and feel "fat" relative to her usual size, but never use that phrase for fear of someone larger being offended that she dare call herself that?

Whether you feel fat or slim, it's all relative to your own norms.

Nah it’s not.
Fat means overweight and that’s it.
Slim people saying they are ‘fat’ are bleating and fishing for compliments.

‘Putting on weight’ is relative...fat is fat.

@pictish

Nah it’s not. Fat means overweight and that’s it. Slim people saying they are ‘fat’ are bleating and fishing for compliments.

‘Putting on weight’ is relative...fat is fat.

I disagree.
And the fishing for compliments thing is utter bollocks, too.
Slim people can and do have body image issues too.

@pictish

Nah it’s not. Fat means overweight and that’s it. Slim people saying they are ‘fat’ are bleating and fishing for compliments.

‘Putting on weight’ is relative...fat is fat.

And even if an objectively slim person said to a larger person "I feel horrible, I've put weight on", I doubt they'd find that any less "offensive" than "I feel fat". Larger people just seem to think that slimmer ladies can't be unhappy with their bodies and god forbid express it. It has always to be labelled as "attention seeking" or "compliment fishing". Well, from personal experience, I can tell you - it is most definitely not always about that.

@pictish

Next time a friend larger than me says "I've lost a bit of weight and I feel slim".

Shall I reply with "nah, you're not. Slim is slim. Don't even say it's relative to how you were before. Slim is slim and you don't fit that, sorry".

See how this is ridiculous?

@pictish
Consider dealing with your own issues and you might find you develop greater tolerance for a breadth of experiences unlike your own

No one has more hang ups than me. I used to be very fat. I am now slim. My body is not a pretty sight in either guise.

I don’t tell people I am fat, feel fat, look fat...I am not fat.

@pictish

No one has more hang ups than me. I used to be very fat. I am now slim. My body is not a pretty sight in either guise.

I don’t tell people I am fat, feel fat, look fat...I am not fat.

So by saying "my body is not a pretty sight in either guise", are you "bleating" or "fishing for compliments", as you so eloquently put it? Or are you just expressing your own body hang ups in language you see fit to do so?

No different for others who choose the word "fat" to express how they feel.

I have had this with someone who is a tall size 8 and was trying on dresses and saying stuff like 'oh I am so fat, look at my stomach' and I just said 'yes, you look enormous' and she shut up.

I dunno. I think it’s often under acknowledged how hard it is for people who’ve always been super skinny when they gain weight.
I was always around 7 stones until my mid 20is when I went on the pill and suddenly ballooned to 9.5 stone plus. I’m barely 5 foot. I felt bloated uncomfortable and shocked! I didn’t know how to dress and lost my face as a lot of the weight went to face and neck.

That all being said I would love to be 9/9.5 stone now!

If you don’t feel comfortable having an honest conversation with your friend I would ignore or not react any mention of weight or body image

She may just be an old fashioned bore. I sometimes think the weight/diet comments many women make are akin to making remarks about the weather. Inconsequential chit chat,conversation fillers, that should not be taken seriously. So far as the "nothing to wear" goes ,you might want to deadpan reply that she should check out Youtube for recomended capsule wardrobes for women over 50.

Well no...because I don’t discuss it with my friends or colleagues as a spontaneous topic. They don’t give a shit about me possibly having put on (or lost) a few pounds. They don’t care...I would be boring them. I don’t do it.

I’m discussing it here in context with the topic. I’m also not claiming to be fat. I’m not.

OP, why did you say "why do thin people say they are fat all the time" when you mean your friend? One person. Not all of the people.

@pictish

Well no...because I don’t discuss it with my friends or colleagues as a spontaneous topic. They don’t give a shit about me possibly having put on (or lost) a few pounds. They don’t care...I would be boring them. I don’t do it.

I’m discussing it here in context with the topic. I’m also not claiming to be fat. I’m not.

Good for you.
Others feel differently to you, and they discuss different things with their friends than you.
Don't brand them all as "bleating" and "fishing for compliments".