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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do thin people say they’re fat all the time?

138 replies

Lollipop1234 · 27/01/2021 22:34

Starting to get irritated by friend who is always texting about her weight, how many snacks she’s had, how her stomach is massive, how enormous she is and that she’s disgusted with herself as she’s nearly 9 stone and has never been that heavy in her life.....saying she looks like a beached whale etc.saying she’s having to buy size 10.

Friend is size 8 and no more than 8.5 stone wet through. Friend is 50+ so old enough to know better. Is this attention seeking?

I am constantly having to text back about how she’s not fat at all and has nothing to worry about, but it’s starting to annoy me! She does it a bit with clothes too, always buying new stuff and then saying she has nothing to wear and looks scruffy, when it’s obvious she’s made effort!

Being size 10-12 and well over 9 stone myself, I find it all a bit bizarre to be honest! Does she think I look like a beached whale? Am I saying the wrong thing? What am I supposed to say?

OP posts:
pictish · 28/01/2021 07:55

To add, I agree with others here. Stop responding and fuelling it. When she starts on about the weight, politely change the subject or forget to text back or whatever.
She can be fixated on herself like that...you don’t have to be.

AlmightyBob · 28/01/2021 07:56

I don't think thin people do always say they're fat? But it sounds like your friend has body image issues. I doubt she thinks that you 'look like a beached whale' - this is about her, not you.

echt · 28/01/2021 08:09

Why do thin people say they’re fat all the time?

YABU. Stupid thread title.

It's about your mate, so not all thin people.

pictish · 28/01/2021 08:10

I agree. My first post was worded badly there - most slim people don’t go on about being fat. Those who do generally want to be told they aren’t.
I work beside a nice young woman who is like this...frequent moaning about being fat even though she is slim. I don’t take her on because it strikes me as dull and self absorbed and I don’t want to encourage or take part in it. Others are there with the tired old reassurances. I like her but this repetitive topic is off-putting. I will be glad when teams are rearranged and I no longer have to listen to it.
YAWN.

CrotchBurn · 28/01/2021 08:20

Because you can actually be a small dress size but also fat. It's called skinny fat and I have this problem. It's about fat distribution. Dressed, you would think I was underweight as I look tall and very skinny. That's because all my weight goes to my hips and tummy. I actually have a fucking alcohol belly now. I can literally grab the roll of fat on my stomach, no exaggeration. However my arms and legs and general frame have remained stick thin. Obviously I'm not wearing crop tops or body con so you would have no idea about how flabby my tummy is.

MajorMujer · 28/01/2021 08:24

I have an acquaintance like this, in her case she is fishing for compliments/ validation.
I never reply with an opinion, just change the subject.

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/01/2021 08:26

Your friend does sound a bit obsessed but I have always been slim now, in my mid 60s, I sometimes have a bit of a tummy and I absolutely hate the wobbly feeling. I think if you are used to being slim you notice it more when you put on a few pounds. I wouldn't tell anyone else about it, though because I don't think anyone else would be interested (and I know I'm not actually fat), and certainly wouldn't post about it on social media.

nitsandwormsdodger · 28/01/2021 08:29

Tell her she's being a weight bore

pictish · 28/01/2021 08:34

@CrotchBurn

Because you can actually be a small dress size but also fat. It's called skinny fat and I have this problem. It's about fat distribution. Dressed, you would think I was underweight as I look tall and very skinny. That's because all my weight goes to my hips and tummy. I actually have a fucking alcohol belly now. I can literally grab the roll of fat on my stomach, no exaggeration. However my arms and legs and general frame have remained stick thin. Obviously I'm not wearing crop tops or body con so you would have no idea about how flabby my tummy is.
With respect, you sound like my colleague.

“I might LOOK thin but...blablablabla” (tunes out)

I know you are talking about it because it’s the topic at hand...but this is what I hear unbidden and frequently. As I say, it’s not great conversation.

ThornAmongstRoses · 28/01/2021 08:39

I doubt she’s saying it just for fun....to some degree that must be how she feels about herself.

I’m 5ft 6 and weigh just over 10st. To some that would class me as being slim, yet it’s a weight I’m not happy with and I don’t particularly like looking at my body in the mirror.

Ideally I would like to lose another half a stone and am taking steps for that to happen.

Of course I would never describe myself as ‘fat’ because I know I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy with my current weight and appearance.

It sounds like your friend is very fixated on her weight and her constant messaging about it implies it’s become more than just a casual joke. I agree with others I would stop feeding into it by responding and hopefully she will get the hint. But do keep an eye on her just in case it’s anything you need to worry about.

Tellmetruth4 · 28/01/2021 08:47

Next time she texts just reply ‘yeah sorry to hear about that but loads of people have put weight on during lockdown so it’s not just you, not to worry I’m sure you can lose it all quickly!’.

That will stop her attention seeking.

dontdisturbmenow · 28/01/2021 08:50

I'm small and if I hit 9 stone, I certainly feel very fat. In people like is, half a stone is a lot. If she has always been thin, she very well could indeed feel very uncomfortable in her body.

She could be talking about it non stop because it could make her anxious. We don't always understand what makes others anxious and upset. It shouldn't matter.

SophieB100 · 28/01/2021 08:51

I used to be fat.
I'm now slim.
I still think I'm fat. I know I'm not, because the scales and my clothes tell me so. But in my head, I have trouble getting used to it and often feel fat. I don't discuss it with people though, wouldn't dream of mentioning it, other than on here!

TolpuddleFarter · 28/01/2021 08:55

I have noticed this a lot, so not sure why OP getting so much stick.

I don't mind saying that I'm overweight, and I seem to attract this behaviour (I would say I am fairly confident and comfortable with who I am though). I assume they are having a sly dig at me, and trying to make me feel bad, when they feel pretty rotten themselves.

Lweji · 28/01/2021 08:58

From the point of view of someone who'd always been on the side of size 6 and put on weight after 40, the stomach getting bigger can feel like a big issue.
She's 50 and she may not be coping well with the changes, particularly if she's very concerned with her appearance and may have self esteem issues.

The other thing is, why are you saying she's a size 8 and not more than 8.5 stone, when she says she's been having to buy size 10 and is approaching 9 stone?

EmpressSuiko · 28/01/2021 09:18

I have body dysmorphia I’m a size 6-8 and always feel like I look like a sack of potatoes, everyone always comments on how tiny I am but I don’t see myself that why, I look fat and disproportionate!

Please stop reassuring her though, the more you reassure her the more she will seek reassurance, it’s like giving someone a quick high and in her mind it further reinstates that her truth is real, if she does suffer from body dysmorphia of an eating disorder then really she needs to seek counselling or speak to her gp.

Try and support her without reassuring her, think about what language you use with her as if she starts to spiral she may become very full on if she feels you are the only one she can speak to about it.

My poor DH has had to endure it from me, I’m not perfect, I still have body dysmorphia.
I still think I’m ugly and fat and frumpy BUT I try so hard not to seek reassurance from him, I’m not longer obsessed with taking selfies, I try to think before speak and changes my train of thought ignoring the “poisonous parrot” on my shoulder spewing all the hateful words at me.

The biggest issue is I didn’t realise what a burden I was putting on my DH until I had counselling so she may not realise what it’s doing to you and how draining and tiring it is to keep saying the same things every week or everyday.

You may need to have a gentle chat with her about how she is feeling? Are you close enough to suggest she speak to her gp is she is feeling so low?

pictish · 28/01/2021 09:25

@SophieB100

I used to be fat. I'm now slim. I still think I'm fat. I know I'm not, because the scales and my clothes tell me so. But in my head, I have trouble getting used to it and often feel fat. I don't discuss it with people though, wouldn't dream of mentioning it, other than on here!
Same here. I still have fat mentality when it’s obvious I am slim...but I don’t talk about it. It’s boring, it’s personal to me and besides that, I don’t place all my self worth on my appearance. I don’t feel the need to be assured or confess my sin on the daily.
ChippyChickenChips · 28/01/2021 09:32

To get you to tell them how good they look

Yes, this. I've had several slim friends over the years, telling me me how fat they are and it must be all the cake and chips they eat.They can't all have body dysmorphia. It's something I've noticed it's something some slim people do only with their fat friends. Wouldn't bring it up with someone slimmer. It's only people who are overweight who notice this. For obvious reasons.

Sweet666 · 28/01/2021 13:47

I think if a friend talking about her problems that might be causing her serious suffering is just annoying to you then you're not a good friend. Why should she have to bottle up what she is going through? Feeling fat is horrible and can even lead to death

InTheDrunkTank · 28/01/2021 13:56

Either she's attention seeking or she has some genuine issues with food, weight and self esteem. It's hard to say without knowing her but if this slightly self obsessed behaviour is limited to discussing weight I'd bet she has food issues.

InTheDrunkTank · 28/01/2021 13:57

@Sweet666 That's a bit harsh to OP. Everyone has their limits, if a friend is constantly offloading their (what appears to be) petty problems on you it can get draining. Even dealing with genuine mental health issues can be draining on friends.

FanciedanewnameAnne · 28/01/2021 13:59

Attention seeking.
Don't feed her neediness and ego anymore.

GwendolineWindowlene · 28/01/2021 14:30

For me, as an overweight person, the irritant comes from the terminology. If a slim friend says "I've put weight on and I don't feel great about myself", or "I really need to stop eating junk", or even "I've eaten so much on lockdown none of my clothes fit", that's fine and I can offer sympathy and a laugh about it.

When someone says "I'm massive" or "I'm really fat" or "I look hideous", then I'm tempted to ask, "What do you think of me, then?"

I had loads of money there's no way I'd moan to a skint person about not having any money, because I'm aware they may feel sensitive about it and I'm not a dick.

ThereOnceWasANote · 28/01/2021 14:47

Just because you look thin does not mean you feel good, have any self esteem or a healthy relationship with food. Sounds like she is generally unhappy about her body. Stop judging her.

Sparklesocks · 28/01/2021 14:54

Agree sounds like she needs validation from others about her body.