Why do thin people say they’re fat all the time?

[Lollipop1234]

Starting to get irritated by friend who is always texting about her weight, how many snacks she’s had, how her stomach is massive, how enormous she is and that she’s disgusted with herself as she’s nearly 9 stone and has never been that heavy in her life.....saying she looks like a beached whale etc.saying she’s having to buy size 10.

Friend is size 8 and no more than 8.5 stone wet through. Friend is 50+ so old enough to know better. Is this attention seeking?

I am constantly having to text back about how she’s not fat at all and has nothing to worry about, but it’s starting to annoy me! She does it a bit with clothes too, always buying new stuff and then saying she has nothing to wear and looks scruffy, when it’s obvious she’s made effort!

Being size 10-12 and well over 9 stone myself, I find it all a bit bizarre to be honest! Does she think I look like a beached whale? Am I saying the wrong thing? What am I supposed to say?

I had a "friend" like this, in fact from the way you describe your friend it could be the same person. She was very self absorbed, and got worse when she separated from her husband and was thinking of dating other men. She went on a diet, and attended several exercise classes. Lost lots of weight but actually looked worse for it, but then was constantly talking about her toned muscles. Once, in a supermarket, she was bragging about her toned arm muscles and then took off her jacket to flex them in front of me. It was embarassing.

Despite all that, I stuck with her and supported her through many tough times, but she was so self absorbed she was blind to any problems I had, and often let me down by cancelling arrangements at the last minute, etc. Finally she let me down once too often and I cut contact. Looking back, I think she only wanted a sounding board, and I regret making so much effort for her.

Sounds like some of you keep a check list for your friends;
Thinner than me - she can't mention her weight without offence.
Bigger house? She can't complain about money.
Brighter kids? No complaints about the school.
Fitter? Don't complain about that sporting injury.
Better holiday? No complaints about the weather or crap food.
Younger? Shut up about age related problems.
It's an endless list.

Must be exhausting keeping track of who is entitled to complain about what.

I'd just sympathise with her - "yes, I know but us fatties can't help it". I'm 13 stone, wear a size 14 and quite happy about it. There àre more important things to worry about than one's weight.

@ThereOnceWasANote

Sounds like some of you keep a check list for your friends; Thinner than me - she can't mention her weight without offence. Bigger house? She can't complain about money. Brighter kids? No complaints about the school. Fitter? Don't complain about that sporting injury. Better holiday? No complaints about the weather or crap food. Younger? Shut up about age related problems. It's an endless list. Must be exhausting keeping track of who is entitled to complain about what.

That’s a very simplistic interpretation. In the OP she says her friend texts regularly moaning about how fat she feels and OP is expected to reply and reassure her each time. I think anyone would be fed up with that after some time.

Tell she does look fat and I'm sure she'll soon stop.

Don't engage, I think she's fishing for compliments. I would ignore some of her messages, and sometimes repeat the following message

"I think you look fine, but perhaps speak to your GP if you are concerned about your weight"

I think people do this because they equate thinness with value as a person and they want to be assured of their own worth.

It is very boring listening to it.
I put on 4lb every month the week before my period it makes me feel bloated and uncomfortable I usually wear joggers I'd never share these feelings in RL especially to someone struggling with their weight.
Everyone can have a bloated day/week whatever their size.
Doesn't excuse your friend constantly like a dripping tap expecting reassurance.

Give her suggestions for diet and exercises

She will stop pretty fast. Are you bigger than her or same weight?

I was a size 20 a few years ago and my best friend (who was a size 8) used to do the same thing constantly. It felt like she was constantly fishing for me to say ‘o no! Don’t be silly you’re not fat at all your tiny/so skinny/thin, I wish I was as small as you’ to boost her own ego.
As you can imagine it really really effected me and I had all the same thoughts as you, I started just not responding when it was anything related to weight/diet etc as I was fed up of feeding her ego whilst making myself feel worse than I already did. I also just was upfront and said ‘do you realise when your calling yourself fat etc it’s upsetting me as I’m obviously much larger than you, I would prefer if we didn’t discuss this all the time. She did eventually stop

You have to completely ignore her comments every time and swiftly change the subject. If you do that often enough surely she’ll get the message.

I’m overweight and my best friend is very slim. She reckons her need to lose a few pounds is the same as me needing to lose a few stone. I don’t understand her reasoning at all but it’s not a big thing in our friendship.
I hate being in the company of a group of women and the slimmer ones want to talk about weight all the time. Makes me want to say - ooh you’re all so gorgeous and I’m not - there - do you feel better now? Would it do if we were all the same? No-one would feel the need to be smug and that would be awful for them!

I used to have a friend like this, quite tall size 8 and not an ounch of fat on her. She used to have to lean forward slightly to be able to grab a bit of skin on he stomach and pronounce herself 'fat'

And yes she was fishing for compliments, she would perk up and glow when anyone told her not to be silly, she wasn't fat at all.

I just learnt to ignore her and not feed the attention seekimg

I would (and have previously) stop speaking to her.

I honestly have absolutely no interest in being friends with someone who finds it appropriate to constantly talk about their weight. What a dull, self indulgent person.

To the people saying to ignore her or make unsupportive comments, I hope you would be okay with a friend doing the same to you if you talk about going through a bad time, having a problem or worrying about something. Just because its weight related it doesn't mean it isn't important that she's having trouble.

Attention seeking. I either with a woman like that and told her ‘god you should really be worried about how boring your chat is as all you ever do is lie about being fat. I don’t want hear it!’

Feeling crappy about our body is not the exclusive preserve of the overweight. Slim people have “fat” days, days when they dislike their body, are frustrated at the crap they have eaten & feel bloated. All the exact same feelings that many women of all shapes & sizes experience at some point.

This, and this some more.

I'm a size 8-10, always have been. Yet there are some days I look in the mirror and hate what I see. Am I not allowed to voice that, just because others are larger than me? Are my feelings suddenly invalid?

It's the equivalent of an overweight person losing some weight (say, for arguments sake, going from a size 18 to a 16) and saying to me - a size 8-10 - "gosh I feel really slim today now I've lost that weight". Am I justified in saying "that's not slim - come back when you're a size 8 like me". No, that would be really shitty of me, because her views of her body and weight are equally as valid as mine of my own. So if I therefore feel I've put a little weight on, and I express this to a larger person, are they allowed to respond with "you think that's fat? I'm offended because I'm bigger than you", etc. Why are my feelings any less valid than the reverse scenario? 🤔

@Stompythedinosaur

I think people do this because they equate thinness with value as a person and they want to be assured of their own worth.

Do you? Then you're very ignorant. Because some slimmer ladies genuinely do dislike their bodies too at times. It happens.

@Wearywithteens

“I'm a size 8-10, always have been. Yet there are some days I look in the mirror and hate what I see. Am I not allowed to voice that, just because others are larger than me? Are my feelings suddenly invalid?”

Your feelings are totally valid but saying it to someone who is clearly much larger than you would make you an insensitive dick.

How?

@Wearywithteens

And FYI, I indeed have expressed my dislike of my body at times to friends who are a larger size than me. You know what, they're open minded enough to understand that everyone, no matter their size, can have body image struggles. It's not a competition, it's not a comparison, it's not attention seeking. It's one person's own feelings which are valid in and of themselves, without the need for comparison to others. Not once have my friends - slimmer or larger than me - branded me a "dick" for having my own body image issues. So maybe I just pick friends with nicer qualities!

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

Reply “wrong audience “

Should I reply with this too, then, when my overweight friend messages me saying "I've lost some weight, I feel slim now!". If we apply this logic in the opposite direction, as a slim size 8, I'm the "wrong audience", right?

So - overweight person messages slim friend that they have lost a bit of weight and feel "slim" - correct response (I imagine everyone would say), is to be a supportive friend and say "oh that's great well done".

However... Slim person messages overweight friend to say they have put weight on and feel "fat" - correct response is apparently "attention seeker / wrong audience".

Wow. Seems a lovely friendship! (for the larger lady, anyway).

I have an issue with perpetually thinking I'm fat.. when I was younger it was horrendous. Now not so much, I understand my body more and I'm trying to get where I want to be healthy.
I agree with a PP, nothing and I mean nothing annoyed me more then when my OH suggested I do this and that to help what I was moaning about. All I wanted was for him to call me skinny which he worked out wasnt what I needed.
So suggest things that will help her tone the areas she is upset about. That will put her off moaning about it to you! Dong be rude though Haha just offer suggestions.

I've got a friend who used to do this a lot. In her case I think she did it because it made her feel better to complain about being fat to someone evidently MUCH fatter than she was. It really pissed me off. If I ever complained to her about feeling fat she'd say she didn't think 'fat' is a nice word for me to be using about myself. Honestly, it was fucking exhausting. I don't really speak to her any more.

I think some people do it because they're insecure about their bodies (which you can be at any size) and want some reassurance. On the surface this is fairly harmless - it demonstrates a painful lack of self-awareness if they decide that the right person to talk to this about is comparatively overweight etc but it's not spiteful, just self-absorbed.

Other people do it because it makes them feel better to complain about their weight to someone they perceive to be doing 'worse' than them. Although I accept that the instigator is unlikely to be in a good place themselves if they go about behaving this way, I still think it's appalling behaviour, particularly from anyone over about 19.

I thought I was fat when I was a size 12. Now I'm an 18 I look back and wish I had just enjoyed being in shape lol