To think inherited money is not family money

[Viviennemary]

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

I think when for large inheritance the money should be family money while the couple is together. I would expect it to be shared but the person inheriting should get to decide what on. Someone that spends it all on themselves shouldn’t be part of any family.

Upon divorce inheritance should be ring fenced for the person who received it unless it has been invested in the marital home.

I agree with the OP, in the context of my situation at least.

We have totally seperate finances. We have one young DC and I have 2 who are much older. If I was to inherit it's for me to do as I want with and for all the family including my adult DC to benefit. Equally if he inherited I wouldn't expect to share the money. If he wanted to use it for the good of the family then that's great but it's up to him.

It would absolutely be family money in our house

I didn't vote because I think it depends on the family. In my family it is joint money which is good as my family have no money and I've never inherited anything and DH inherited his mother's house and some money. Excouncil house on a not great estate so not a fortune but it was put in joint names.

Ours, always ours.

What a strange marriage it would be to inherit money, which you as an individual haven't even earned, and not share with your family or husband?

I'm not talking cash deposit in his bank, but spent on things that would benefit you both. Mortgage payment, car, holiday and savings surely those are shared costs?

I recently inherited a sum of money. It is going to be invested for my and DH’s joint benefit.

It was my decision to invest it, but then DH leaves most of the big financial decisions to me anyway. I have discussed it with DH and had he not been in agreement we would have explored other options.

That said, if there was a lot of emotional weight behind an inheritance, I would expect the recipient to have the freedom to decide how it was spent.

I had a relative who gave a fair bit of money when she was alive to a relative to fund a deposit on a house when he got married. The marriage only lasted a couple of years and in the divorce settlement the house got split 50-50 (a fair bit of equity I think) and I remember my relative feeling a bit put out that she had effectively subbed the ex-wife. She has since left the same relative a lot money in her will. He has a second wife now and has bought another house with the money I think so I sincerely hope they are settled for many years to come now otherwise she'll be turning in her grave!

I'm in two minds about this whole thing. DH and I have always shared all finances, but we each have our own bank account in addition to a joint current account and joint savings account, for our own "fripperies". He has always earned much more than me so has always paid the main part of the mortgage and bills, and I've paid for any expenses for the kids, for all our holidays, and for my own personal expenditure.

However, when I inherited and looked into the way the law views inheritances, I think I read that inheritance is protected money and that if the person who inherited keeps it in their own account separate from joint money then in the event of any divorce it would be relatively protected in any separation of assets, to enable it to go down the family line and not to a divorced ex-husband. I'm not 100% sure though.

Anyway, when I inherited, I paid off our joint mortgage, gave DH money towards a new car (although he insisted on using his savings on most) and bought myself a new car (which is the main family one really as I'm the one who drives the kids round mostly). The rest I've put in just my name in savings and ISA as my work pension isn't brilliant so basically I see it mainly as my pension fund. My career always took a back seat to DH's as he was by far the higher earner and I wanted to be a SAHM for a few years when they were babies, so his pension pot isn't bad. I will also pay some towards uni costs and help the kids out with deposit on their first property.

I mean, if I die then DH will get it all anyway, which is fine. So I don't see the need to put it in a joint account as it wouldn't be easy then to keep a track of it for my own pension calculations.

We have all our money held in common so if a chunk was inherited it would be the same, regardless of who it was left to, unless it was a tiny sum that could just buy a small treat for one person, and even then it would probably just be consumed I to the family pot.

It all depends on how your money works. As a family, we are each free to make spending decisions day to day as we want. If we ever wanted to buy a big item (thinking several hundred quid or more) we would discuss it..not that's not ask permission, but discuss it...it's a courtesy but also about deciding together how to use our money. Most bigger spends would benefit the family anyway, but if one of wanted something for a hobby only one of us was involved in, we'd talk about it and think together about our overall budget. There's no keeping track of who has had what...we don't feel any need.

But we trust each other. Neither of us brought huge debts I to the relationship or proved untrustworthy with money or selfish in their spending.

I usually find that when people don't want to share there's a backstory...either there are financial mistrust issues arising from debt or selfish soending by one or both parties. Or there is generally a lack of trust and commitment and it manifests itself in handling of money too. The latter seems reasonable in early stage relatiinships where perhaps there isn't serious commitment, but in long term serious relationships I find it strange and a real pity if there's this lack of trust.

I put a wodge into a pension as was Sahm whilst oh worked on foreign short contracts, some on home improvements, the rest for kids' house deposits. Effectively joint as all decisions about it were taken together

When DHs mum died, he inherited just under £20K. It did not sit right with me at all that this became family money and I told DH to do with it as he wanted but most definitely not to waste it by putting it in the bank for it to fritter away. I also made him open his own account for it rather than it go into our usual joint account. We share all other money.

It appears I am different to most on this post though. It just doesn’t sit right with me at all. May be it would have been different if it was substantially more.

I would consider it joint but with conditions. If I inherited £200k, for example, I wouldn't give DH £100k. We'd pay off a lump of mortgage, maybe go on a holiday and put the rest in savings. So I guess family money in the sense of it being used for the family and not individual things that don't benefit the family, not unless there is plenty to burn.

Joint in our house. I inherited a substantial sum when my mum died and used a good chunk of it to pay off out joint mortgage (6 figures!). Also bought “us” a new car and other things. I could never have considered it to be mine alone ....

Is it very different to one person receiving a big bonus from work? If you're a family, surely it goes into the family pot rather than the person who received it squirrelling it away for themselves or thinking because it was their bonus it is all theirs.

Of course if a bonus or inheritance goes into the family pot and then it's decided together that the best use of it is to put it I to an investment or pension of just one of the couple....he never airport nought. Ut this at has been a joke I to choice and I think that

I think the question you should have asked OP was 'How much would someone need to inherit before the inheritance was not considered not for sharing (50/50).'

I can't see many people being willing to split £600K equally with their husband/wife/partner. I definitely bloody wouldn't - £10K, yes. But £600K? You never know what life might throw at you - cheating partner etc. Always best to have some secure and tucked away IMO.

I would also be interested to know how many of the people who have said they would share are the same people who were angry in a Post the other week about a husband using his 'wife's money' in the joint account to pay for his mum to have surgery!

It's family money to me. Whenever I or my partner inherits (hopefully a long, long time from now), we will put it into savings and then decide how to use it (pay off mortgage, pay off any other debt, holiday etc).

Definitely wouldn't keep it separate. And that's even going by the fact I may inherit more than him because I'm an only child, he has siblings. Doesn't matter to us.

Absolutely joint money!!

Everything we have is ours - we have joint and sole accounts to take account of best rate offers available. However my DH inherited a significant sum in property and cash. I insisted the property remain in his name. He was very generous with his cash paying for holidays, extras for the home and beautiful gifts of jewellery to me. But the property is what his family worked for and the right thing to do is for it to go to our daughter not me.

I would also be interested to know how many of the people who have said they would share are the same people who were angry in a Post the other week about a husband using his 'wife's money' in the joint account to pay for his mum to have surgery!

That's a bit different as that money was given by living parents as a gift to buy a car with, so that their daughter had an easier life. It wasn't a random inheritance. Although if we had decided to keep it separate and then he still took it, I'd be pissed.

But if we were sharing it, we would also discuss it like adults before making a big financial decision like that. We wouldn't steal from each other. That's what immature idiots do.

It gets complicated with second marriages. DFIL's father was widowed, then remarried some years later to a widow a bit younger who had two sons. When DGfIL, died she inherited everything and didn't stay in touch, so on her death DFIL lost out to her children.

My parents were divorced 50 years ago, and one has remarried to a much younger partner and had a second family, the other hasn't. Grandparents divided their estate equally between their two children, and then divided the remarried child's into shares so that all the grandchildren inherited equally, with the intention of avoiding the situation in my first example. My share went on a family holiday and a picture, that we both chose.

Of course it becomes family money.

It should be just for the one inheriting. I don't think the Husband or wife should be able to decide what to do with it without the inheritor's agreement. Ie. Wife's mum dies and leaves we £10K and the husband decides to use half to buy himself a motorbike or buy a new bathroom when the wife doesn't want that, that's wrong.
But wife and husband using the money for something they both agree on and benefits all (family money being used for family things) then okay. As long as the wife agrees. Because it's hers.

My dad passed in November and I am waiting for a small sum and I'll be using it for a family car (maybe even in DH's name) but if I didn't want to that would be it. I'll happily share it or even just hand all over to him, I don't care but it's mine to choose to share.

Is it very different to one person receiving a big bonus from work?

I think it is. Because there's an emotional element. This money was (probably) saved by a person who only one partner loved, and was loved by them.

Sorry, my post seemed to go odd with lots of typos.
I was trying to say if the family decide together to use the money for 1 persons pension or an investment in one name, then that’s fine...the key point being the decision making was joint.

What comes across in this thread is how some people are just not secure in their relationships. They always have in the back of their mind (or closer to the front sadly) that their partner might leave them or their relationship finish and so they are always thinking about finances in personal terms rather than collective terms. It is a shame but perhaps it reflects a reality in those relationships. And I can understand it more if people have had a history of relationship breakdowns which have left people feeling the need to be self sufficient.

Even in strong relationships, there is a risk always that the relationship won’t last. That is a reality, but Inwoukd say that rather than squirrelling away in that circumstance, having things held together and being married is one of the best protections. Doing that, but then not living g in the fear if the relationship ending but in an atmosphere of trust and mutual sharing seems far more healthy. That’s how it usually is for those in healthy relationships. I know a lot of people struggle to imagine a relationship where they wouldn’t feel the need to keep their money separate and protected.

One circumstance when things might be different is when there is a second marriage or children from previous relationships. Sometimes then, keeping large chunks of money separate makes sense for simplifying what is left to or available to grown up children etc. However, I am also of the view that when older people find a new spouse, aside from money or assets which they agree should be held in particular ways for inheritance purposes, joint day to day finances are a big boon to relationships and add a level of commitment and benefit.

If you don’t feel pretty sure you will be with your partner for life (and no one can be totally sure, but lots of people feel they will be and are happy to act on that basis) then I can see you might want to put a large chunk into a joint account or property, because you’re almost planning the escape or get out plan now...always shoring up your personal financial future. Recognising that’s how you feel about the relationship is important I think, because this isn’t just about money.

Family money.
I'm in line to inherit much more than my DH (only child whereas he has 3 siblings) and it would go into our joint account. I would want the last word on how we spend it though and I'm sure DH would defer to me.

Nope
Mine is mine, his is his . There’s no we in finances