To think inherited money is not family money

[Viviennemary]

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

If you are married it is family money.

If not, then it's my/his money.

In this circumstance of inheritance, I’d picture a discussion between a couple.
‘I’ve received £20k from dear old Aunt Flo’
‘Oh that’s sad but nice she’s left you the money’
‘Yes, we will have to chat about what we do with it’
‘Yes, what are your thoughts about it’
‘Well, we could use it to pay off some of the mortgage, or we could have a big holiday, or I thought I might like a new car and thought you might want to get the car you wanted. Or maybe we should put it into your pension as that would be most tax efficient’
‘Hmm, yes those are all good possibilities. I think the mortgage paying off might be best if a bit boring’
‘Yes let’s think about it a bit and talk again in a short while and decide’
And then a few weeks later they decide together.

You see, I can’t picture the scenario where the money goes into the joint account and then either party decides to take a big chunk out and spend it on a personal treat like an expensive mortar bike without talking to the other. But I can’t imagine buying an expernsive item for myself without talking about it with my DH, from any source of our money.

That’s the thing isn’t it...,some people have partners who maybe do just dip into money pots and buy large and expensive items they fancy without talking about it. Notice I’m not advocating asking permission, just discussing together.

Some people do have partners or perhaps even themselves, do just go and spend big chunks on themselves and the other person has no idea until it has happened. I suppose, if I thought my DH was the kind of person to do that, perhaps I wouldn’t want to pay my salary into an account we shared or put my bonus or inheritance in that account.....but fortunately I can’t imagine that happening.

Again, it’s not just about money is it, but the whole relationship dynamic and if you are a team, maki g team decisions and thinking about the good of the whole family, rather than acting always as an individual and just thinking about what you want. Although lots of people are living together and are couples, in reality they often aren’t a team.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing.

I don’t think it should automatically be in the common pot. I think the person who receives the money should decide what to do. They might want to put it in the common pot (or some of it). They might decide to keep it and invest it etc....
More importantly, I think it should be the property if the person who inherited even in the case of divorce because it’s not wealth that been created by the couple and within that couple.

Joint family money. oh inherited some not long ago he wouldn't dream of just keeping it for himself, it's family money to use towards savings and things we need.

Shared with us too. Over the last 2 years we have had two inheritance and two retirement lump sum. We give small lump sums to.our sons and the rest is divided between us , with some in joint savings. We have never had a cross word about money in the 36 years we have been married.

I agree about for example the issue of a second marriage and wanting to pass on that money to the children of the first marriage.

I’m also thinking of the circumstances where one person inherits a lot if money and suddenly their partner decides they want a divorce and half of that inheritance.

I’m thinking about the many relationship where partners are not actually equal and one tends to always the last word on how money is spent. (Let alone the ones that are abusive)

There are many situations where automatically assuming that inheritance is basically shared between the two partners is not a good idea

And of course, it depends s in the amount.

It’s easy to say ‘it’s all going the shared pot’ when you are talking about £20k or even £100k. But bigger amounts such as £1million?

Would anyone be happy to actually give away what they spent their life building and creating to their child’s partner, knowing said partner could easily bugger off with said half?

We'd keep it separate, we're unmarried but in a long term cohab, no kids. I won't inherit anything, my parents have no assets and I have five siblings. DPs parents have a house each and he has one sibling, so he will probably inherit although we are encouraging them to enjoy it and spend it, as neither of us really agree with inheritance (easy for me to say as I'll have none). I've paid off the mortgage for the house we live in already so we don't really need a windfall.

We’d talk about it and decide together what to do with it. There would never be a situation where I kept it separate from him.

Having said that, we’ve got very similar attitudes towards money and he’s not a gambler or likely to pee it all up the wall or fritter it away. So I know I wouldn’t lose it by sharing it with him.

Shared with us. Everything has been. When we had been married 6 months, DH's grandfather passed away and he inherited 2k. That was his, he bought a motorbike with his dad. It was a bonding moment.

20 years and 4 DC later, we have always operated a family money pot. I was the breadwinner, then SAHM for 7 years, now am retraining so earning but not as much as DH (for the moment). It all equals out. Once our DC are grown and we can have disposable incomes again, it would depend on the situation. I wouldn't begrudge DH any play money if we could afford it and I know he would be the same with me.

That's the whole point of marriage, you share everything equally...

I'd treat it as family money but not in the same way that I would any other earnings. It would probably be spent on something worthwhile (mortgage paid off or deposit towards children's first home, that sort of thing) and the matter would be discussed but the final decision on what it would be spent on would rest with the beneficiary and I would expect their partner to support whatever decision they made.

DF inherited from his mother, spent some of it on a family car and some hobby materials, and deposited the remainder in a bank account only he knew the coordinates of.
He was already suffering from early signs of dementia but DM was too proud (or huffy)to ask him outright about it. DF was a bit of a twat about money

His dementia then progressed rapidly and he was in a safe unit for about 6 months before he died. All that time he kept trying to remember and write down a “mysterious” number. We just thought it was one of several dementia-induced obsessions

The money only came to light after probate. In an account with a very similar number to which DM had NO access. It was tens of thousands. I laughed it off to DM and called it his “second wife fund” or his “running away money”.
But I’m sure that if it happened to me or DH, our first question would be “How much did they leave you and what are you (we) going to do with it?”
Different generations, I suppose...

We have received several inheritances ranging from £5000 to £70,000. All into family money. There will be a large 6 figure sum on way in a few months - some of that will probably be used to assist young adult children to buy a house. We have been very lucky to have supportive parents, aunts and uncles and we intend to be that to our children while we can.

I’m the one who has built up a large inheritance for my son. I’m looking into trusts to secure it for him and his children - don’t want his future partner to have anything to do with it.

If not married then no, it's not joint. If married I think it depends how much of a difference it makes to the whole family (on a low income £5K should be spent in the best way for the family, on a very high income it is less important) but assuming a significant sum then of course it's family money to be saved or spent on something sensible (e.g. mortgage).

All money is family money in our house.

@GrumpyHoonMain

I’m the one who has built up a large inheritance for my son. I’m looking into trusts to secure it for him and his children - don’t want his future partner to have anything to do with it.

Aren't you setting him up for miserable relationships? He'll end up spending it on/giving it to/leaving it to her anyway but it will always be known to both of them that you didn't want him to, didn't trust him to choose a partner well etc

Definitely family money here, I can't imagine either of us having any money from any source wasnt shared

My sibling and I each inherited around £100k a year ago. Years ago, I dropped hours at work after DS was born and stopped paying into my pension, whereas DH, full time, kept paying into his. I used some of the cash to pay into my pension, gave some to DH as a deposit for a new car, bought a new boiler and paid for DS to have surgery privately as the wait list was 2 years on the NHS. The rest is being saved to go towards our next house move in a few years time. I wouldn't dream of hoarding all that money to myself.

My sibling split from her spouse last year and he told her outright that he was going to take half of her share of our DF's money off her. She hadn't done anything with her half of the inheritance at that point - her solicitor told her he was entitled to diddly-squat as she hadn't used any of the money for shared marital interests. We are in Scotland, not sure if that makes a difference.

Anyone saying it should be kept just for the individual...what do you expect the individual to spend it on? As a family we do most things together, though DH does have a pricey hobby. But his main concerns are with our mortgage, savings, holidays and cars like most families. If he inherits (or vice versa) why wouldn't he put that towards the things that make his life better...pay off the mortgage, buy a new car etc. All things that benefit the family. Imagine inheriting £600k (as a pure example someone else gave) and thinking oh no it's not family money I can only spend it on....jumpers . You could buy an investment property, but then does the investment only go into your jumper pot? May e our finances are too intertwined for me to see any differently, but as a family we have united aims and dreams so why would he want to do anything with it other than make his (our) lives better.

I agree in the case of divorce it should be taken into account as a private inheritance however.

It's all shared money here, and we're not married (yet).

OH is about to inherit a big chunk of money that's going towards us both (paying off debts and putting down a house deposit). In a couple of years, I'll be coming into a sum at least twice as big (not inherited, it's complicated) and that will go to either paying off/down the mortgage we get or going into investments depending on what seems sensible at the time. I also stand to inherit a reasonable chunk of money in future and that will be shared too.

We've made a life together, we share everything else, why would we not use money that can improve our shared life to do just that?

Even a small sum is shared - I won £500 on a scratchcard I got in a birthday card last year, and I bought us a new coffee table, him some shoes he wanted and me some expensive skincare. I can't imagine spending that entire £500 on myself.

I don't necessarily think it should be kept for the individual, but I do think that the person who inherited should have the greater say in how it's spent. The partner should not be rubbing their hands with glee and assuming it's theirs.

And yes, I do think inheritances should be ring-fenced in a divorce so that a partner can't do what my friend's 'D'H did and divorce her once she'd got the inheritance he'd clearly been waiting to get his hands on.

With all my worldly goods I thee endow........it was in our vows. It’s shared money.
I don’t see why you’d not share it or why you’d need a separate pot.

It depends on the amount but if it is a substantial amount I would see it as family money. That is not to say that it is money for me and dp to spend. I see it as money that does not belong to me but I am the caretaker of to ensure it is there to benefit my children and future generations after that to make their life easier