To think inherited money is not family money

[Viviennemary]

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

My OH inherited a significant sum. We paid off the mortgage and now have family savings. All family money. If I inherit then it will also be family money. We are married so why wouldn't all of our finances be entwined.

My inheritance is in savings/went into our marital home. My spreadsheet-obsessed DH has recorded those spendings as having come from my side however it's fully been used/saved as family money (this means we are pretty much financially equal as DH earns more).

I know my DM wants to put a clause in her will that her inheritance belongs to her children though (to protect us if any of us were to split with our partners).

I realise some of this sounds contradictory!

It depends. I inherited £250k from my father in 2001 and DH regarded it as my money. However, I repaid the mortgage, we decided we needed a new car and the rest went into the school fees fund and gave me a little cushion as I wasn't then working.

The reality was that it came as dh's career took off and the mortgage freedom gave him the opportunity to buy our home in France without consultation.

When my stepmother dies I will inherit my father's properties in which she was left a life interest. I expect that money to be entirely mine.

When our mothers die we will have similar amounts so there will be little argument.

Were we skint I'd expect it all to be family money.

If you don't share your inheritance with your partner would you also not share a lottery win? What if you got a huge bonus at work or put 1000 early on in bitcoin that turned into 1000000?

Its just weird to view it differently. Especially if you're not the primary earner. So the other person's work essentially pays for life for both of you plus kids then you get a Payout and you keep it personally. Its just so weird.

We have shared every single penny regardless of source, can't imagine it any other way.

Depends on your relationship and your situation. Here it is family money, as is any money that comes in from any source.

But if I had children from a previous relationship and stepchildren and a relatively new spouse - I might feel differently. Lots of reasons I might keep an inheritance to myself.

But in this current marriage - if one of us inherited money and kept it to themselves - that would likely signal the end of the marriage.

Interestingly (to me) in France, inherited money is personal money, legally.

Dd is currently a child but is in line to inherit 7 figures from us. Which I want protected to keep in our family rather than any future spouses second family if something happens to her or their marriage. Hence it’s all going into trust where the trustees have instructions to spend it on her/family without giving up control of it. I would expect income to go to her (and her to use it as family money) but capital to be protected.

Joint money here. Our first house together, DH put the deposit down. Equity from his flat plus savings. A little while later I inherited from my grandparents, so I paid to extend our home. A few years later DH had a big windfall and that was used to pay the mortgage right down, and eventually enabled us to upsize our house again. DH earns way more than me but puts almost all of his income into our mortgage, and the house is a jointly owned asset. It’s about being a team, and using things like inheritance to fast track your position. Paying down mortgage is something really worthwhile.

We'd share. In fact when DMiL died the proceeds of her house slipped a generation and went to the 6 grandchildren who now have the beginnings of nice house deposits.
When my parents go the money will probably go into the joint family pot. I'll get any nice jewellery and nick knacks (if it doesn't all go to the cats home).

Don't you think the deceased wants you to spend it?

I think it rather depends on how much you inherit. If it's a price of a great holiday, then fair enough enjoy your good fortune.

Once you get into more serious amounts, then it's more about investment to make sure what you inherit works for you and that it grows. I can benefit from the investments, for example living in a larger house than I would otherwise afford.

It's my responsibility to invest wisely so that I can pass on more than I received. It's a great feeling that I will be able, in due course, to provide deposits for house purchases for my great nieces

In Scotland inherited money generally legality belongs to person who inherited
Unless you convert it into joint property eg extending the house
Only really relevant if you split up
We share all money,have been times when one or other was bringing more to the party,but we always shared
But each to their own

Joint money. I can’t realistically help myself to DHs substantial yearly bonus & LTIP and keep an inheritance to myself.

We met young though and neither of us had any money, so everything we have has been built together.

Joint here too, my OH just inherited a significant 3 figure sum and it’s in the family pot, just the same way the two properties that I had before we were together are now ‘ours’.

I inherited a small amount of money which enabled me to buy a house with my partner. We got legal advice though about the disparities in available money. It's totally up to you how you spend your money, it doesn't have to be 'family money' . I hate joint bank accounts too.

Depends. My husband inherited £500 from his gran and I told him he could spend it on what he liked. He wasn’t sure initially what to spend it on as he wanted to buy something meaningful with it (so not frittering it away on a ps5). He ended up decided to put it towards the furniture for our nursery which I thought was lovely :)
If it was a substantial amount, I would expect him to share it and vice versa; probably towards paying our mortgage off, having a nice holiday together and some small treats for both of us too.

@FinallyHere

Don't you think the deceased wants you to spend it?

I think it rather depends on how much you inherit. If it's a price of a great holiday, then fair enough enjoy your good fortune.

Once you get into more serious amounts, then it's more about investment to make sure what you inherit works for you and that it grows. I can benefit from the investments, for example living in a larger house than I would otherwise afford.

It's my responsibility to invest wisely so that I can pass on more than I received. It's a great feeling that I will be able, in due course, to provide deposits for house purchases for my great nieces

Oh I agree, that's not what I meant. I was addressing the poster who says inheritance should be passed on, untouched, through the generations forever.

I meant if I leave money to X, I'm leaving it to X. I'm not thinking about X's great-grandchildren. X can, of course, do as they will.

My family have, so far in our marriage, given us much more than DH's have, and I will inherit more from my parents than he will from his. DH's attitude towards it is that I should have a primary say in what is done with that money. We have used it to jointly buy property up until now, but if I wanted to blow any future inheritance on a new car (or something else purely for my own benefit) he'd understand and be totally on board with that.

I think in blended families it is a bit difficult.

Someone I know well has discussed this with me. They and their partner both have 2 children each. Partner 1’s parents died and left a sizeable chunk to partner 1 - the money became family money. Partner 2’s parents died and left a similar sum, 25% to each of their 2 grandchildren and 50% to partner 1.

Partner 1 wanted to match the inheritance to their children out of family money (in reality the 50% left to partner 2 as original inheritance had been previously been absorbed by family house purchase)

Partner 2 agreed in the end, but was a bit grudging - lots of comments about how the children had taken their inheritance. It all left a slightly bitter taste.

I wouldn't say "I'm transferring £100,000 into your account. Go wild and have fun, babe". But I would use it to pay off the mortgage, put some into our kids' funds, have a rainy day fund for us both, and then use a couple grand to have a nice holiday in the south of France/ski holiday! It's family money.

50% to partner 2 😳

When DH's surviving parent died it enabled us to pay off the mortgage and put a good dollop in savings. We anticipate that a good chunk of that will go to the kids when they want house deposits.

But when a lifelong friend of DH's mother died recently and left him £15000 I said it was entirely up to him what he did with it. I detested the woman! So he has bought himself a posh watch - but in fact the rest will go into some house repairs. His choice, and I have no issue with that.

And assuming my surviving parent turns up his toes before I do, that will become joint in the same way his parents' estate was.

significant 3 figure is that a typo, or have I finally lost touch with reality?

Both myself and partner have inherited some amounts. It’s family money (although I encouraged my partner to buy something significant like art with part of it).

Joint here without a doubt.

DH and I decided that any inheritance we might get will go in the "family pot" i.e. pay off debts, cover a part of the mortgage and put some aside as savings (our own separate savings accounts and the ones we have for the children). And maybe for a nice holiday for all of us which we might otherwise not afford. But I admit not everyone is the same and some relationships can be different.