To think inherited money is not family money

[Viviennemary]

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

We’ve always shared our money, including inheritance. DH’s first small inheritance enabled us to meet the costs of moving from flat to house.

We’ve now been together 25 years and have always pooled money.

I got a critical insurance payout for more than £80 grand many years ago, would some consider that individual money? The cancer was mine! In reality it paid for a very large extension and went in to our family pot. I never considered it as anything other than family money.

Pooling our resources has always worked well for us.

Joint money for joint things. I recently inherited some money. Most of it is going on buying a bigger home which is what the deceased would have wanted. DH wouldn't begrudge me if I wanted to take a little bit to go on holiday or something but we are in this together.

In our house it would be family money, but our family is very uncomplicated - married 35 years, two adult children. It might be different if we were a blended family, but that's an unknown.

@AStudyinPink

Alaimo

I’m assuming you’ll jointly benefit from his pension, though?

Yes - assuming we're still together then of course! If, however, we were to separate before then - then I wouldn't see it as joint money, I'd see it as his.

A relative of one of my parents died.

They had a will written decades before, when parents were still married. In it they were both named as beneficiaries as a married couple.

But they were no longer together at time of death. I thought the parent who’s relative had died (who was executor) was very generous in still giving their ex their share from the will.

Don’t know what other people would have thought/done in this situation. (If it makes any difference the executor was living in poverty whereas the ex was wealthy).

It's a difficult one because if you receive an inheritance and then later get divorced, your husband will be entitled to half I'm sure. Which does seem a little unfair.

Legally, if you are married it is shared.

@PrincessBuggerPants

Legally, if you are married it is shared.

It isn’t unless you put it in joint names or pay towards a jointly held mortgage. If it’s kept separately in the name of the legatee it belongs to them and there’s a good case for non inclusion in a divorce settlement.

'Good case for' is not the same thing as 'it's yours'.

But it is mine, it would have been left to both of us if that was the intention. It wasn’t.

We've both inherited two significant chunks of money each since our marriage. First time it went into our joint property to pay off the mortgage. my husband insisted we should put in an equal amount which used up all of "my" inheritance. He had a chunk left over with which he bought a new car and said he'd save the rest but gradually frittered it. The children and I did benefit partially from this profligacy in terms of extra treats. It wasn't what I would have chosen but I didn't consider it my money so fair enough. (We have always had semi separate finances as he's a spender and I'm a saver ; works for us.)

I then inherited a second chunk which I saved and added to. He then inherited a further chunk which was notably less than mine. We bought a larger family home with no mortgage. He griped that this time he had to put in all his funds (still less than I put in) and I had some left over. I had to remind him he thought that was fair when the boot was on the other foot. Also that it wasn't just money I'd been given but earned and saved whereas he typically blows all his salary.

Out of what I had left I did pay for nearly all the house renovations. The rest I put into my pension and savings/ investments. He sometimes makes comments like "it's all right for some" but I think it's fair. He has benefited from co owning and living in a lovely done up house. His standard of living remains the same as mine and he'll probably benefit from my pension too once I retire.

I think there's no one answer to the "is it family money? " question. I think if it creates a very unequal balance in assets/power/ standard of living between the beneficiary and spouse/children then it should be family money morally speaking. But if those things are catered for then the beneficiary ought to have a freer rein or the final say in what is done with the surplus.

My MIL had a rather odd attitude. She didn't work. FIL was a merchant banker and all his income was shared. When his parents died his inheritance was shared. However when MIL inherited money she considered it hers alone!

Not sure about rest of the UK but in Scotland, as long as an inheritance is kept in an account under the recipients name only and not been put towards something mutually beneficial eg joint mortgage payment, it belongs solely to whoever inherited it. My sisters ex threatened to take half her inheritance off her (they split just after she received it), but her solicitor put him right on that one

Inherited is generally family in this house - but if its kept separate during a marriage e,g, in a different account only one has access to - if it came to court it is likely it would not be considered in division of assets. Another reason to have joint accounts even for savings

Without wishing to offend, I think some of the responses from pps that its "immoral" for an inheritance to form part of the marital assets are a bit strange. I think for some/a few women on mn there is mentality that "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine". So because they are not the main earner, its not immoral to share earned income but if they get an inheritance, it should be theirs alone.

I can't see the difference. I don't think you can expect your spouse to share their income if you don't share your assets. But equally I think its fine to keep separate finances too. But you can't have it both ways and just share when it benefits one party.

@RB68

Inherited is generally family in this house - but if its kept separate during a marriage e,g, in a different account only one has access to - if it came to court it is likely it would not be considered in division of assets. Another reason to have joint accounts even for savings

An excellent reason to keep them separate.

In my house and marriage my husband and I share everything. If/when I inherit we will share it and he will do the same with me. We've chosen to spend our lives together so we share money too.

Same with month to month finances- we both keep the same amount of disposable income in our own accounts but put the rest of our salaries in the joint account, despite a large salary imbalance between us.

It really depends on the relationship throughout our relationship I've been unemployed DP was injured I've full access to his earnings it would be mean of me to keep my inheritance.
I am due some in the future, not enough to buy anything significant it'll be split in 1/2 DC get 1/4 each to add to their credit union for their future.
We'll take a holiday and save the rest.

Sharing everything is admirable if you are on the same page with finances. If one of you is prudent and the other profligate then separate finances can be the right thing too.

Joint in this house too, into savings or earmarked for a project.

If it were my inheritance I'd perhaps put an amount aside into my account for some personal frivolous spends, and I wouldn't mind my DH doing the same of course.

Any large purchase is jointly agreed irrespective of income source.

If we were on the brink of divorce or separation it might be different, but in a fairly solid marriage I couldn't see why you would want to keep it separate

@VinylDetective

But it is mine, it would have been left to both of us if that was the intention. It wasn’t.

And if it is left to me, mine, to do what I want with, and what I want is to share it equally with my spouse..?

Then do what you want @unmarkedbythat. The point I was making is that it’s not obligatory to throw it into the marital pot.

@WombatChocolate

The reason answers differ to this is that people have very different nature relationships. And people often struggle to understand that all relationships are not like theirs.

People in long term, trusting, first marriages which are straightforward, with no children from other relationships or complications, often share all their money. Decision making about big spends, like other things is about team work. Because there is trust and each act for the family unit this works well. Each can rely on the other not being selfish and spending on themselves beyond what might be reasonable, or engaging in large spends without discussion...it’s not asking permission, it’s just discussion and reaching agreement.

But lots of people aren’t in relationships like this. They are in insecure relationships which might well be temporary. There has been no long term commitment. Or they might have a scenario where there are children from other relationships who are either still young or grown up and they want to ring fence some money for them rather than have it in a current family pot. Or often there is mistrust about money in the relationship. One person either has historic debts or isn’t good with money or is selfish and if the money was shared, might choose to spend on themselves on large items and without consultation. Or there simply might be tax reasons not to share.

Most people seem only able to picture their own type of relationship and what they would do with an inheritance.

I think this is a really good point. Neither Dh nor I will inherit much but I will inherit significantly more than him. However, it would be a joint thing and that money would most likely go to improve our combined lives, put aside for kids' education etc. My parents would also want us to use it to ensure our retirements are stable (I know this because my dad has told me so! ) So in as much I've thought about it, I can see the bulk being invested in the name of the person who inherited it, with the long term goal for it to benefit both of us. In the unlikely event we divorced however, I'm confident that neither of us would want that money to be included in any financial settlement.

However, SIL is in a very different situation and while any inheritance she gets would most likely go towards helping them as a family - eg upgrading their home etc - I have absolutely no doubt that she would very carefully ring fence the money from her DP because he is unreliable, their relationship is shaky etc.

I would absolutely share it with my partner and give some to our grown up dc and gc .
We're not married and have separate savings, a house and holiday cottage together and a rental property each in our own names. Also our own savings accounts.
So we're kind of in between most people. But there is plenty to go round and it is all fairly equal. Even so I would give dp my last penny if necessary and vice versa.
So we're kind of in between most people.
An inheritance or any other windwall will be shared and benefit both us and our dc/gc. Somehow it is different.

Oops copy and paste fail

DH and I are fully committed to one another so any inheritance would be (and has been) used for our joint/family benefit. If you're keeping money separately, are you committed to the longevity of your marriage?