Me and DSis pregnant. Mum only happy for me.

[icecreamgirl94]

Hi, newbie here. Not sure exactly what I’m asking to be honest, I’ve been debating what to write for a few hours! I think I just need to write it down.
I’m pregnant, due in March. This is the best news ever, DP and I have been trying for 6 years and had 2 losses so all the family are on cloud 9.
My 16 year old sister is also pregnant, obviously unplanned. The father doesn’t want any involvement and DSis had an abortion booked twice but has decided to keep the baby and the family have said they will support her choice. Everyone that is except our mum who has taken the news very badly. DSis didn’t tell her until nearly 4 months and since then their relationship has been awful. Back in September I invited DSis to stay with me and DP throughout the pregnancy, I thought it might be nice for us to be pregnant together and be a more relaxing environment for her. Since then DM has barely spoken to her.
Anyway the reason I’m posting is because DSis is due now and looks like she could go at any moment. She’s in our spare room (which is meant to be the nursery for our baby) and none of us really know what to do once her baby arrives. Realistically she can’t stay here, but I don’t want her to go back to DM’s if she isn’t going to be supportive. I’d hoped that once the baby arrived DM’s attitude would change but that seems less and less likely. DM is also really excited about my baby which makes me feel awful for poor DSis who is really anxious about the birth and just wants her mum. AIBU to expect better from DM?
Sorry I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I just don’t know what to do. Thanks if anyone does read.

I wonder if your mum feels resentful of your sister as her own "little accident" and is projecting her feelings about that onto your sisters own accidental pregnancy.

Maybe she wanted to leave the marriage then couldn't.

Maybe she berated herself over getting pregnant.

Maybe she never wanted another baby and then had her life as she knew it taken away

Good luck op, thinking about all of you hope your sister and your new niece or nephew are ok and healthy.

As for advice I know it's not an easy solution but maybe your Dad's offer of a room is the way to go here, all pitch in and get him a decent sofa bed. As much as you love your sister which you clearly do, you are about to embark the an amazing, tiring, life changing event and you need that space to bond as a family. Your Dad seems like a wonderful guy and I think your sister will be in good hands there.

But anyway you don't need to think of any of that tonight or even discuss it for a little while. I really hope your sister is ok x

Wishing both your sister and you all the best . I think you sounds lovely and caring. You'll muddle through this together

Thanks everyone
Healthy baby girl arrived at 22:12 tonight, 7lb 8oz. It was amazing to experience it with her, she did really well although she was absolutely terrified.
I’m back at home now, just me and DP for the first time in months so we’re going to savour that time together. I left dad with her although he was about to be asked to leave so she’ll be on her own for tonight but all being well they’ll both be allowed out tomorrow. DSis sent DM a photo and she replied with “Congratulations, she looks lovely” so that’s a positive sign.
Will post an update tomorrow, thanks again everyone.

Wonderful news, icecreamgirl! Congratulations on being an auntie.

It won't be long before your mum comes round to see her.

Aw that’s lovely. Congratulations to your sister. Enjoy the peace and quiet

Aww - congratulations to your sister.

Wonderful new about the baby!

Your turn next!

News, even..

@icecreamgirl94 congratulations to your sister! Hopefully things can start to sort themselves out over the coming weeks and months. Congratulations to you on becoming an auntie and well done for giving her such great support- she won’t forget it. Enjoy your evening x

Fantastic🌞👼🥳

Wonderful news, congratulations auntie 🎉

Congratulations to your sister - and to you becoming an auntie. Enjoy your time with DH and good luck with what comes next xx

What a lovely sister you are :)

I feel sorry for your poor Mother - there's a large age gap between you, presumably she is the youngest child - but just when you Mother felt she was getting to a state of being child free - your sister assumes she can continue living at home with a baby, and DM probably fears a lot of the care is likely to fall to her.
Not only that, your sister told you and your father, but couldn't be arsed to tell your mother for four months?!
I really don't blame your mother for being pissed off.

Very accommodating of the hospital to permit not only a birthing partner but another visitor (OP's dad). I thought they were supposed to be restricting visitors.

@theThreeofWeevils

Very accommodating of the hospital to permit not only a birthing partner but another visitor (OP's dad). I thought they were supposed to be restricting visitors.

They may well have wanted a legal guardian there, which the sister is not.

Congratulations OP, to you and your sister.

Something I wanted to say - people keep going on about 16 year olds struggling as mothers. That's not because of biology, it's because of society. Biologically 6 is a great age to give birth. But in a modern setting it's not very practical, people are in education at that age, can't work much, and so on. Also, teen pregnancies may happen because of other social problems which themselves create a risky situation, like an abusive home, drugs, etc.

That's not the case here. This girl is perfectly capable of being a good mum. She lacks resources, and the experience to navigate things like housing and benefits and stuff - most 16 year old do not know how the benefit system works, or even what help to ask for in many cases, because we don't expose them to those things. They aren't usually incapable of learning. If someone can help her with those things in the shorter term, there is every chance she and the baby will do very well and she will soon be able to cope with the kind of support most mothers need.

Congratulations! Sounds like now baby's here you'll all pull together to make things work .

@Yohoheaveho

bottom line here, your mum isn't prepared to take a hit on your sister's account. These chickens will come home to roost

Agreed. I’ll even go as far as saying your mother might have been banking on your sister becoming her carer when older but now that’s not going to happen - please don’t let her guilt your sister into it when the time comes. My own mother resented my existence and treated me horribly but started talking about how great it would be if I stayed living with my parents when they had a job, they wouldn’t charge me rent or anything, all I’d have to do is pay for annual overseas month long holidays and pay for all their plans for expensive furniture and jewellery. Well the shit hit the fan when I got engaged just before I started in my first proper Full time job and they were vehemently against me moving out. The marriage was bad and I now see I wasn’t equipped to see the red flags. OP your mother had a surprise baby and expected to be supported, now she’s washed her hands of your sister. She even cheated. I’m my thinking your mother is simply the same kind of selfish bitch as my mother.

Goodness, everyone going on about Covid restrictions and birthing partners . This is a frightened 16 yo girl. I imagine she's permitted a guardian (father) and a female birthing partner at the minimum. Personally, I think either father/sister should have been allowed to stay... I hope the hospital are caring for her as a child with proper support and safeguarding rather than leaving her alone in the postnatal ward to fend for herself.

Glad your sister and her DDxare both ok. You are a fantastic support to her.

Lovely news op

Congratulations xx

Great news OP

Great news! Congratulations