To think if I'd have known about Covid I wouldn't have got pregnant when I did

[Nicknamegoeshere]

My baby was born end of May. Mat leave during lockdown has been awful. I feel trapped and have zero friends with babies. Didn't have the chance to make any. Have two other children 10 and 13 who this is also really very hard on. Partner works ft away from home as a CW.

I love my baby but I regret having her when I did.

AIBU?

YANBU at all, I'd imagine your experience of pregnancy and maternity leave has been polar opposite to what you expected. However life doesn't always go to plan so it's important to try and focus on what you can do, not on what you can't do.

Have you heard of the Peanut app? It's quite a good way of meeting other mums in the nearby area. Maybe you could join and hopefully meet some people to go on some socially distanced walks?

@Curiosity101 Thank you for understanding. My fiancé says he'd love to swap places with me but I really don't think so!! He has no idea.
Even going for a walk is difficult as I have my other two children at home and so have to homeschool 10 yo. 13 yo has additional needs so isn't able to stay at home on his own while I take baby out and he has a full day of live lessons.

I had my dd at the end of June and feel the exact same as you. I would not change her for the world she has brought us so much joy but its just me and her at home and it’s been so lonely but then again I don’t have the added stress you have as she’s my first. There’s only so many walks to look at the trees, or the cars, or the buses before it’s just the same old thing day in day out. I remember saying back last March that this will all be done before baby got here how wrong was I. It’s not like I feel like I have missed out on wee jaunts to meet people for coffee and have a carefree time, I feel like I have missed out on talking to other mums knowing what your going through or to ask for advice I mean I have my mum and my MIL and also my 2 grandmothers to ask but it’s not the same. I do try to see the positives but some days are harder than others. I even feel like she’s missing out on building a relationship with our family’s we’re in Scotland so it’s so strict here no bubbles, 1 other house hold outside and both of our parents are still working so no one to meet with to go for a walk either just to break up the day. But then again I think well hopefully we can look back this time next year and be like “ Christ that was tough but we all got through it “ that’s what I keep holding onto. I completely agree and feel the same as you OP

I had twins born in Feb - a few weeks and then into total lockdown and found it so tough, my children don’t know any family apart from me and my husband - end my husband works away a lot so it just falls on me.
The loneliness has been horrendous, only so many times I can walk around the same roads and see the same houses....I keep telling myself it won’t be forever though

I do really feel for everybody who has had babies during this time. One of my close friends had hers in November and it's been really hard not to be able to introduce everyone to her baby, and show him off to her friends and family. Also lonely for her as her husband is wfh but in an intense job so she doesn't see him all day.

Such a difficult time to have a new baby.

Aw thanks all. It's good to know I'm not alone. To add insult to injury, I am going back to work in May, probably just as things are beginning to open up again! So not even a chance for me to "make up" the lost time with my little one

My fiancé says he'd love to swap places with me but I really don't think so!! He has no idea.

YANBU at all. And your fiancé really should have an idea by now, what a shit thing to say to you.

YANBU at all. I had a baby in January 2020 so in some ways I have been lucky as the first few weeks were relatively normal, but the majority of the time has been so lonely. I really feel for women who have gone through pregnancy, birth and parenting in the last twelve months.

Like a pp says, though, you need to find the positives. Increased time together is the major one - it’s difficult not getting out and about, but your baby benefits from the time spent with you.

@SparklingLime Indeed. He's never even spent a whole day alone with the three kids!!!

I could have written this myself. I also had a baby at the end of may, and have a toddler. We made the decision in November when it was looking likely we would be locked down again after Christmas that I would go back to work part time after Christmas. Low and behold, I’m a teacher so went back for one day and have now ended up wfh with 2 small children. The only consolation is pay day is near 😂

I’m hoping the summer brings some more freedoms and our youngest will get to finally meet extended family

YANBU

I feel the same. DD born in December and it is so lonely. There's very little to do and my wider family haven't met her.

She's amazing and I adore her but feel she's missing out on so much compared to her cousins.

YANBU. I had my son in summer 2019, so I at least had about 8 months of normality before Covid arrived. I found it hard enough in those circumstances. I really really feel for you.

I know this isn’t very comforting but I really think you, and all mums who had lockdown babies, are absolute heroes for surviving this period with newborns and small babies.

Also if you’d had your DD at a different time you wouldn’t have had your lovely DD, you’d have had a different child. Who would have been equally lovely without a doubt but wouldn’t have been your DD!

I agree, I had my baby in summer, I’m a first time mum and had the second half of my pregnancy, birth and all my mat leave in the pandemic. It’s rubbish, i know I’m in a better position than a lot of people but I still feel cheated of what should have been a happy time and sad that my baby has hardly met anyone. My parents have only seen her once, and I’m back to work soon. The support bubble we are now allowed has been a lifesaver though, I’m so grateful for that.

I sort of feel the same! I found out I was pregnant on Christmas Day 2019. Pregnant all through the lockdowns. DD born September 2020. Not ideal! But I'm getting on for 40 and didn't really have time to wait.

@Sheleg I'm 40 so I understand. We decided (before we had any idea re Covid) that we couldn't put off ttc.

@Fatas Thst sounds wonderful. How does your average day look for you?

I agree, I'm just glad it wasn't a first baby so I at least had my opportunity to make mum friends with my first.

I had our second baby at the end of December 2019 - so had maybe three months of normality before lockdown started. We also have a toddler so lockdown with a young baby and toddler was absolutely horrendous.

I didn't get to do any of the things with our second baby that we did with our first, no baby classes (I think I did one then lockdown closed them), no meeting up with mum friends, no swimming classes - nothing that I had planned to do on my maternity leave!

I am back at work now and still feel rather bitter that what was probably my last maternity leave, was ruined! I feel bad for both my children that their little worlds have been turned upside down and I cannot wait for this to be over with!

I do feel bad for anyone who had their first baby during all of this - one of my friends has her first and has found it extremely difficult as she doesn't have the support she needed

I have no idea why people need to kick others while they are already down. Just because it’s working out for you @Fatas doesn’t mean that’s the same for everyone and just because op isn’t a FTM doesn’t mean she hasn’t found it difficult I’m sure trying to home school kids and also deal with one that’s got additional needs is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. I’m honestly glad your finding it easier than others I truly am but no need to dig the boot in.

Can’t agree with you. As someone who’s baby died after birth and just before lockdown I think this country has got into a really shit habit of a ‘we want more’ or grass is greener on the other side culture.

I think we all just need to stop picking on the negative things in life and be really truly appreciative about the things we do have.

FTM here and DS is four weeks. We conceived the week before lockdown but honestly wouldn’t change it.

In a way, there has been less pressure - whether it’s quieter waiting rooms for scans, more relaxed postnatal ward & no pressure to be out and about in these first few weeks.

I would also recommend the Peanut app and we have joined a lot of virtual baby classes through searching on Facebook for groups, both local and National.

Yanbu at all, who would choose to have a baby mid pandemic?

@MaverickDanger Aw congrats. I hope this doesn't sound "off" but it's early days for you. It gets harder! Baby is crawling now!!

@SnuggyBuggy I'm an old bird - my other two are 10 and 13 - so all of my friends have much older kids.