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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if I'd have known about Covid I wouldn't have got pregnant when I did

114 replies

Nicknamegoeshere · 26/01/2021 09:51

My baby was born end of May. Mat leave during lockdown has been awful. I feel trapped and have zero friends with babies. Didn't have the chance to make any. Have two other children 10 and 13 who this is also really very hard on. Partner works ft away from home as a CW.

I love my baby but I regret having her when I did.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Fatas · 26/01/2021 16:26

@Greenbks I have just read your post, sorry I missed it. That’s truly truly awful, I can’t even imagine the pain you are suffering and I am so sorry. I’m still wondering why my post was deleted for saying something similar?! Maybe I’ll ask Mumsnet

Original poster

Nicknamegoeshere · 26/01/2021 16:30

@Fatas I don't think it was similar really?
@Greenbks I'm sorry for your loss. I lost a baby too before my first born and it's awful.

OP posts:

Treaclepie19 · 26/01/2021 16:31

Your poor friend @Fatas. I was very lucky that my hospital had two rooms dedicated for people in our situation. It took a very long time for us from finding out their might be a problem to an answer.

Fatas · 26/01/2021 16:35

@Nicknamegoeshere I said yabu and that for ftm I would have some sympathy, but for most people who have done the baby thing it is not that bad.

No personal attack, just an opinion- yes it might not be popular, but an opinion nonetheless.

How is that deletable. Just because I didn’t add my motivations behind what i thought?

Fatas · 26/01/2021 16:37

@Treaclepie19 I went to the women’s ward which is basically the gynae ward, anything to do with pregnancy loss or general ‘women things’. I’ll never forget the support and care from the nurses who worked there, it was second to none.

Treaclepie19 · 26/01/2021 16:40

That sounds like a good environment to be in. I'll never forget the midwives who looked after us. Equally the student midwife who was with me for our 4 month old. She was amazing.

Fatas · 26/01/2021 16:48

And just to add @Nicknamegoeshere I have no idea if it was you or another poster that reported my post But, the title of your post, although I’m sure it’s not intended is potentially ‘triggering’ to people who have experienced baby loss. To assert that you can choose when to have a baby around a convenient time suited to you is bound to get people’s backs up who have experienced loss. Perhaps lockdown is bloody shit might have been better than wish I’d put off having a baby?

Original poster

Nicknamegoeshere · 26/01/2021 16:50

@Fatas It wasn't me. However, if you carefully read back to yourself the tone of your latest post perhaps you can see why Mumsnet reached that decision?

OP posts:

Fatas · 26/01/2021 16:53

Nothing wrong with my latest post. Just mentioning the title of the thread and how it may have appeared to people who have struggled to conceive or experienced baby loss. That an issue

Original poster

Nicknamegoeshere · 26/01/2021 16:57

@Fatas You didn't raise that as an issue before? Definitely not in your first post.

OP posts:

Fatas · 26/01/2021 17:01

No, did I have to? Can’t I state an opinion without mentioning that as an issue. My point is that is what led me to say yabu- the fact that most can’t pick and choose when to have a baby and to wish you had not had one when you did made you seem a bit ungrateful.

Norwayreally · 26/01/2021 17:02

YANBU. Had my baby in July and I totally agree with you. My mat leave is being spent homeschooling my older DC. I have nipple thrush, I can’t get rid of it and have been prescribed everything under the sun so I’m on the verge of quitting breastfeeding. I feel lonely and isolated. I haven’t been able to go to baby/toddler groups as I did with my older DC. Seriously feel like crying.

PinkSpring · 26/01/2021 17:06

Oh back off @Fatas you are being deliberately argumentative

Fatas · 26/01/2021 17:06

I mean look at your baby tonight, whilst you are playing with her and she is giggling away and ask yourself.. would you go back and not get pregnant? You wouldn’t have her for one.

Fatas · 26/01/2021 17:07

@PinkSpring if you like.

Cakeandslippers · 26/01/2021 17:07

Yes, I understand this. My baby is 6 months and I also have a just turned 2yo. Baby was a surprise so I probably wouldn't have planned this gap anyway but especially not in a pandemic, but he was obviously meant to be so we are grateful and happy he came. It is really hard though isn't it, I'm a very social person and all my coping strategies involve social contact which is making things hard. I'm exhausted, baby still wakes every 45 minutes all night and so it all feels so relentless. I feel very sad that my parents and family will never know my baby as a baby. I'm really struggling with that one at the moment. We'll never be able to talk about 'when T was a baby' or reminisce/ moan about it as no one was here, just me and husband.

I also think it's fine to be sad and find it hard, you can do that and still be grateful for what you have.

Original poster

Nicknamegoeshere · 26/01/2021 17:17

@Norwayreally I feel exactly the same. Really hope you feel better soon xx

OP posts:

Greenbks · 27/01/2021 14:41

@Nicknamegoeshere you lost a baby before your first born, I take it as a miscarriage? I’ve had 3 losses as miscarriages and one birth where I had to watch my baby die and a part of me died with him.

No one should have to go through a miscarriage. You lost your baby before your first born, and I am sorry for that. But I actually lost my first born.

blueleonburger · 27/01/2021 14:54

YANBU. I was gonna TTC in 2020 now put it off until the end of this year. The pandemic has been bearable. Can’t imagine what I’d do with kids too.

Fatas · 27/01/2021 16:07

@Greenbks I’m so so sorry, as someone who has experienced several losses, I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling, to go through a full term pregnancy and then for that to happen. It is truly tragic. I am so sorry you lost your first born and I wish you luck and happiness for the future.

Ileflottante · 27/01/2021 16:14

I’m in the same boat. Exactly the same. Even down to timings. Only it’s my first baby and it’s been so isolating. I’ve not seen a single health visitor, can’t get hold of them when I have tried and have had nothing to do. It’s been lonely, sad and I can’t see it being over by their first birthday. I’ve tried to be stoic and pragmatic but I’ve really run out of steam now.

Original poster

Nicknamegoeshere · 27/01/2021 16:18

@Greenbks I'm really sorry.
But does that mean I am wrong to feel the way I do?

OP posts:

Treaclepie19 · 27/01/2021 16:43

I think Greenbks is understandably in a lot of pain and perhaps best to leave this?

I understand where you're coming from OP completely and I have had a miscarriage at 8+4, two living children and a termination for medical reasons at 22+4 which completely broke me and I would have hated myself for moaning if I could look into the future.

It's always going to hurt after a loss to read about someone complaining.
That isn't to say you're not allowed to find it hard, not at all.

isitjustifyable · 27/01/2021 17:07

@Nicknamegoeshere have some compassion fgs

Original poster

Nicknamegoeshere · 27/01/2021 17:14

Sorry to anyone I've offended. I'll leave this thread and ask for it to be deleted. I apologise for struggling.

OP posts:

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