To think if I'd have known about Covid I wouldn't have got pregnant when I did

[Nicknamegoeshere]

My baby was born end of May. Mat leave during lockdown has been awful. I feel trapped and have zero friends with babies. Didn't have the chance to make any. Have two other children 10 and 13 who this is also really very hard on. Partner works ft away from home as a CW.

I love my baby but I regret having her when I did.

AIBU?

@unmarkedbythat Lots are. Crackers in the main!!

Not unreasonable at all, we had our first baby end of August and the pandemic made life so much harder in a lot of ways. I feel sad that my pregnancy was very much isolated and now she is here she's barely met anyone. But I do see some positives DH has been wfh throughout so is able to see her so much more and be that much more hands on, and we havent had the pressure of hoards of visitors having settled into a lovely routine as a little trio.

@Starsandsparkle01 Yes I can see being just you three and having a partner who can WFH would be lovely

@Nicknamegoeshere

wake up 9.30- just turned 3 year old has a widdle abd sometimes hangs about in his pjs. We go up and wake ‘baby brother’. 3 year old gets the clothes out for him and his bro. Get dressed, b feed the 10 month old, breakfast. Play- 10 month old wanders around with toys in his hands and cruising, 3 year old does some colouring, watches a bit of tv or just generally a nuisance, sometimes we do some tidying together.

1 is naptime and then I get a bit of toddler time- again play and tidy.

2.30 is lunch

After lunch we go out on balance bike depending on the weather, I’ve been a bit shit lately with this cold weather.

Then about 5ish take little one for feed and nap. Normally toddler has a bit of tv at this point. Wakes by 7pm. 7.30 we eat dinner and then do bathtone and bed by 9.30.

Have to say 3 year old has had more tv than I’d like but he plays with stuff too- colouring, play doh, kinetic sand, play kitchen etc. Sometimes I do some work on laptop and he’ll play with kinetic sand for a good hour or so whilst sat opposite me.

@Fatas You have a baby that you have to wake up past 9.30 and naps loads?!!! Can we swap babies please?!!!!

YANBU at all. It is tough. It is great that some people are loving it but many are struggling.

DS2 is a little older, he was born September 2019 but I said to DH that if I'd known how the last year would have turned out I'd have waited.

Managing two children through lockdown who both had totally differing needs was tough. I had PND and all my support groups were shut down, no help. DH and I both have covid right now, managing a lively 15 month old who doesn't sleep past 5am on top of home schooling a four year old has been exhausting. If we only had DS1 at least we'd be able to veg a little.

I feel so bad saying it, but it's made me realise I'm just not that great a mum and relied a lot on outside help. Be it grandparents having older DS overnight, or taking the kids out for the day for a break. A break from the kids every now and then have been what kept me sane and that's been taken away.

Thanks everyone. I'm just sitting here in floods thinking I can't go on.

@Nicknamegoeshere sending you a huge huge hug. You are your babies everything and their constant; in their eyes you are doing amazing and that's what matters.

It's hard, but we will get through it.

Are you in England? If so as your baby is under 1 you can form a support bubble. I’ve done this and it’s made a huge difference.

@Mousehole10 I have nobody to form one with?

I was definitely a better mother before lockdown. There was the odd bad day but you had more power to make the next day different.

I have just had enough of the relentless drugery.

drudgery even!

I am just coming to the end of my maternity leave.

It was only normal for the first 4 weeks. But for the first 4 weeks we could only really be at hoe anyway.

It's been pretty miserable. And I haven't made any 'mum friends'. I'd have loved a more sociable experience and I'm very lonely.

@Housing101 Me too. It's like being a prisoner with no inmates. And nobody to give a crap.

@Nicknamegoeshere I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Of course it’s drudgery. This was a long awaited baby for me (after a Tfmr at 13.5 weeks- I’m 42 with a 10 month old.
So whilst initially I was pretty cheesed off with him being born into lockdown, I soon adapted.

It is drudgery, but I’ve kind have accepted that is how things are for now and I enjoy all the giggles from the toddler and ten month. I guess I’m just so eternally grateful for the two gorgeous boys I have, I don’t think about it too much. Anyhow, the alternative (work) is definitely worse than hanging out with those two.

My toddler hasn’t been at nursery and so he’s been difficult at times and I lost my mum before both were born so that makes me sad.

What about your partner? Does he help? You should definitely try and connect with some mums over the Mum apps- perhaps you could meet for a walk in the park or whatever- is that against the rules 🤷🏽‍♀️I actually have no idea!

Maybe it’s not lockdown, maybe it’s just having a baby- that’s hard enough?

DS is older (14 months) so we had a few weeks of normal before this started but I had horrendous PND and couldn't really do anything. I'm glad I didn't have him earlier as a toddler in lockdown is probably very difficult but I do at times wish I'd had him later, once this was all over. Mostly for financial reasons tbh, we're on our knees and having a tiny person to care about is an extra level of stress I really didn't need. That being said I wouldn't swap him for the world and if I'd had him another time he would have been another baby.

I find balancing the needs of my baby, my 10 yo and my 13 yo, as well as homeschooling, a factor. I do It, on my own, but it's exhausting. Baby is a poor sleeper, waking every 3 hours or so nightly which doesn't help!

I know what you mean; my DS was born at the end of feb and I feel like over the summer I had a brief experience of what maternity leave should have been like. On the other side of it though we had time together as a family during the first lockdown when DH was furloughed that we’d never have had in any other circumstances and if I hadn’t been on maternity leave I’d of been working from home throughout that with toddler DD at home and incredibly stressed. I quite liked that in the first few weeks after DS was born there wasn’t the pressure to be going out and about and be on top of things, it was ok to stay in pjs until lunchtime. I think we were lucky that we’ve not had to home school though

@Nicknamegoeshere I totally get it!

We waited until we ‘had all our ducks in a row’ with jobs and a house and our first baby was born the week before the first lockdown.

My DH has been working throughout so it has been really draining, as much as I love DS.

What’s kept me positive (and I hate people telling me to be positive!) is that he wouldn’t have been the same baby if we’d timed things differently.

@Nicknamegoeshere - Solidarity. I was 8 weeks pregnant when lockdown one kicked off and had my son in October. First time parents and I had to go to every scan/appointment alone. My husband had to leave the hospital 20 minutes after our son was born despite him coming out not breathing straight away and then onto maternity leave raising a baby in isolation. Its so so so hard and you are not being unreasonable at all

@Nicknamegoeshere I just read about the fact you can’t go for walks. That truly sucks- can you get your 13 yr old to log on and then go for a walk. Cheeky I know, but priorities...isn’t it better that all 3 of you get some fresh air than the two older kids sit in front of the comp all day- for all of your mental health?

@Fatas He's autistic so has to "follow the rules" to the letter, love him.

@Fatas I help my 10 yo with his school work a lot. He is smart but needs 1:1. Without it he struggles to engage.