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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mightily cheesed off

131 replies

whatsthepointinwasps · 25/01/2021 23:37

Or over reacting? Hard to know these days!

This is a an extended family going on holiday together situation ( planned for next year when, fingers crossed, we’ll all be able to get out with some semblance of normality)
I was all for it, as was everyone else, place looked lovely. Beautiful house with wonderful amenities in a picturesque setting.
So proposed room set up was that I share with with my sister in law’s DDs, both teenagers. The girls themselves are nice enough when not together but, as all sisters do, they tend to fight when in the same room.
Don’t get me wrong I understand that sibling bickering is a natural occurrence in all families. I don’t mind it but I don’t want to share a room with it when on holiday.
I said that to the person who is doing the organising and their reply was ‘well just go out if they start’
I feel that especially as l’ll have paid out a fair bit of money for the privilege of having a room, I shouldn’t then have to leave it because of arguing youngsters.
Is this a reasonable or unreasonable point of view?

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 25/01/2021 23:40

If that is the only accomodation option i'd sit this one out. No way would I pay for the privilege of sharing a room, as an adult, with 2 arguing teens!

GrettaGreen · 25/01/2021 23:40

How's the cost of the accommodation being split?

Notcontent · 25/01/2021 23:42

I would not want to share a room with two teens unless it was my own dd!

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 25/01/2021 23:45

Suggest to the person organising it if they don't consider it a problem then they share with the teenagers.

How is the bill being split?!

I wouldn't pay for the privilege of sharing a room with two teenagers. Especially if they're not mine.

babytum · 25/01/2021 23:46

I wouldn’t want to share a room with my own teenage children let alone anyone else’s. YANBU

Chloemol · 25/01/2021 23:49

I wouldn’t want to share a room with teenagers and would be telling the organiser that. If I am spending a lot of money on a holiday I want to make sure enjoy it

If it’s not possible for a room of my own I wouldn’t be going

Original poster
whatsthepointinwasps · 25/01/2021 23:55

In regards to how the payment will be split when we’ve done it before it was the overall cost split between all the adults
In regards to other rooms they seem to be going to the adult couples.
The parents of children, said teenagers, older boy and two younger ones all have their own rooms whilst I do the sharing with the girls and grandfather does the sharing with the boys

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 25/01/2021 23:57

@whatsthepointinwasps

In regards to how the payment will be split when we’ve done it before it was the overall cost split between all the adults In regards to other rooms they seem to be going to the adult couples. The parents of children, said teenagers, older boy and two younger ones all have their own rooms whilst I do the sharing with the girls and grandfather does the sharing with the boys
So basically you'd be paying for the room and then expected to share it with two arguing teenagers? It's still a no from me.
Original poster
whatsthepointinwasps · 26/01/2021 00:07

I have a camper van which I jokingly said I would use and sleep in that... and not pay. First response to that was ‘ but that makes it more expensive for everyone’ second response was ‘well ok stay in that and don’t pay’
I would happily do that ( I would of course fully contribute to food and drink costs and extra sundries that may need covered) but from previous experience family relations soon turn sour when the who’s paid for what discussions start up.

OP posts:
MenaiMna · 26/01/2021 00:09

The only way it's a little bit fair is if for example party of ten:
Couple 1 bedroom 1, their 2 DC bedroom 2: pay 4/10ths
Couple 2 bedroom 3, 3 DC bedroom 4: pay 5/10ths
You sharing bedroom 2: pay 1/10th then at least you're not subsidising their holiday. And some ground rules that every time they fight or make you uncomfortable they refund you one night accommodation.
They're so cheeky turn it round and give them a masterclass back in how to be demanding and unreasonable.

Scottishskifun · 26/01/2021 00:12

I wouldn't be paying to share with teenagers!

OrigamiOwl · 26/01/2021 00:14

@whatsthepointinwasps

I have a camper van which I jokingly said I would use and sleep in that... and not pay. First response to that was ‘ but that makes it more expensive for everyone’ second response was ‘well ok stay in that and don’t pay’ I would happily do that ( I would of course fully contribute to food and drink costs and extra sundries that may need covered) but from previous experience family relations soon turn sour when the who’s paid for what discussions start up.
This sounds like it's already gone sour. You're expected to subsidise their holiday.

Unfortunately if you go and stay in the campervan you'll presumably still be using some of the houses facilities?

How keen are you on going?

If I was in your shoes I would turn down the invitation. I wouldn't pay for a room and share with 2 teens. But I wouldn't stay in a campervan as if you've not contributed to the accommodation you can't really go inside to hang out with everyone or use the house facilities.

Sorka · 26/01/2021 00:14

YANBU. If I couldn’t have my own room I wouldn’t be going.

It’s always single people who get the short straw with sleeping arrangements.

If someone needs to sleep with the children it needs to be their parents.

Very cheeky of them to expect you to subsidise their holiday for them. You would be doing that even with your own room but not even having a private space to sleep and get dressed while paying for their holiday for them is absurd. Very telling that their first comment is that you not going will mean they have to pay more.

yvanka · 26/01/2021 00:14

So as the only adult in the room, you're paying for it and they're staying in it for free? Hell no.

yvanka · 26/01/2021 00:15

You should split the cost by beds, not rooms, including children.

whoamongstus · 26/01/2021 00:18

It wouldn't be a holiday for me if I had to share with two bickering teenagers, fuck that.

I go away to have a nice time and relax and enjoy myself - being a referee with no privacy or space to myself would not fit the bill.

Surely your relatives can understand that?! I can't believe they'd ask you to share with them in the first place, ridiculous

WINKINGatyourage · 26/01/2021 00:19

If you’re paying the same as all the other adults I would expect you to have a room to yourself if you don’t have a partner.

Leeds2 · 26/01/2021 00:19

I wouldn't be going, in a camper van or otherwise.

Original poster
whatsthepointinwasps · 26/01/2021 00:23

What do you lot think of the camper van idea?
I like it as it means next to no packing for me but .......I just fear the silent or not so silent recriminations when it comes to paying and using facilities that I haven’t paid for.
Thinking along those lines I could offer a lump sum so no one can complain if I want to use the hot tub or sauna, is that reasonable?

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 26/01/2021 00:26

@whatsthepointinwasps

What do you lot think of the camper van idea? I like it as it means next to no packing for me but .......I just fear the silent or not so silent recriminations when it comes to paying and using facilities that I haven’t paid for. Thinking along those lines I could offer a lump sum so no one can complain if I want to use the hot tub or sauna, is that reasonable?
If it's already started to turn sour I doubt you'll be able to come up with an offer of a lump sum that will make everyone happy. It sounds like it's already started to go wrong and I'm not sure there is really anyway to fix it. The accommodation isn't big enough for the amount of people/sleeping configuration.
WINKINGatyourage · 26/01/2021 00:27

I wouldn’t take the camper van. I would be all in or not in at all.

Btw you know If you bring it, one of those fighting sisters will ask if she can stay in it with you to get away from her sister. And you’ll either have to let her or say no. Or they’ll both ask to stay in if and let you have their room. And then you’ll be expected to cough up the extra money.

yvanka · 26/01/2021 00:27

I'd just point out that I'm paying for a whole room yet sharing it with someone else's kids. You need to find a bigger place where you can have your own room and split it by the number of people, not adults.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/01/2021 00:34

I'd start off by pointing out that if any of the paying adults need to share a room with kids in is the parents! Totally cheeky to expect it to be you.

I'd ask the group whether it would be better to allocate rooms by family so kids are sharing with their own parents or for you to bring your own camper?

Well done for not being pushing into this! I bet the grandad who's been lumbered with the other kids will be thinking the same.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 26/01/2021 00:38

Put the kids in the camper and you have the whole room to yourself.
Charge the parents for any damages to the camper.

BlackeyedSusan · 26/01/2021 00:42

the house is too small for the party going. sod it.