Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To be mightily cheesed off

131 replies

whatsthepointinwasps · 25/01/2021 23:37

Or over reacting? Hard to know these days!

This is a an extended family going on holiday together situation ( planned for next year when, fingers crossed, we’ll all be able to get out with some semblance of normality)
I was all for it, as was everyone else, place looked lovely. Beautiful house with wonderful amenities in a picturesque setting.
So proposed room set up was that I share with with my sister in law’s DDs, both teenagers. The girls themselves are nice enough when not together but, as all sisters do, they tend to fight when in the same room.
Don’t get me wrong I understand that sibling bickering is a natural occurrence in all families. I don’t mind it but I don’t want to share a room with it when on holiday.
I said that to the person who is doing the organising and their reply was ‘well just go out if they start’
I feel that especially as l’ll have paid out a fair bit of money for the privilege of having a room, I shouldn’t then have to leave it because of arguing youngsters.
Is this a reasonable or unreasonable point of view?

OP posts:

SeasonFinale · 26/01/2021 08:22

If someone said to me describe the nightmare holiday from hell it would be both scenarios you have described.

GarlicMonkey · 26/01/2021 08:22

So.... they need 3 rooms but are only paying for 1 & expecting to slip their kids in with other people? No. Just, no. Take your van.

SmellyPooHead · 26/01/2021 08:32

I'd say that unless I had my own room all to myself I would have to pull out
They are only looking out for themselves and want you to pay the privilege

AtlasPine · 26/01/2021 08:34

Take the van but pay at least what you’d usually pay for a night in a good campsite with a very comfortable club house and a jacuzzi. Make sure you do your share of cooking/ cleaning. Explain everything to the family and ask for understanding. But try not to fall out with them because they are your people.

BonnieDundee · 26/01/2021 08:35

I'd say you either have your own room or back out. Those who think its not an problem for you to share can do the sharing. And any future family holiday state at the outset that you will not be sharing

And they are CFs

SatsumasOrClementines · 26/01/2021 08:54

I think you should back out. Say to your DD that you’d absolutely love a restful holiday but surely she can see that sharing a room with two teenagers or looking after your elderly mother is not going to be restful.

Brefugee · 26/01/2021 08:55

I'd go the camper van route and if they all behave like arses when you're there, you can bugger off somewhere else without them.

No way I'd ever share with teens that aren't mine. Their parents should be doing that.

SatsumasOrClementines · 26/01/2021 08:56

So.... they need 3 rooms but are only paying for 1
This entirely. It’s so cheeky.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 26/01/2021 09:00

Agree to sharing with your DM them go down with the flu and let them enjoy the holiday with her.

Or:

Def no to sharing a room - don't you have plans to find a holiday romance?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/01/2021 09:03

When we go on these holidays we split per person who needs a bed. So each of those teenagers is one person, each of the adults sharing a bed is one person, singles are one person.

Splitting adults only is fucking ridiculous when teenagers are taking up 4 of the beds.

We had a situation once where someone travelled separate and had their camper and they chucked 50quid in the pot to cover showers/additional electric etc.

The food shop is always split per head too.

Original poster

whatsthepointinwasps · 26/01/2021 09:21

Bluntness100

Op, instead of keeping saying what you don’t want, can you propose a room set up you’d be happy with?

What would that look like?

Basically my own room or at a push sharing with my younger grandsons, whom I have a bond with.

Bluntness that’s a well chosen name you have there :-)

OP posts:

BiddyPop · 26/01/2021 09:28

If the other adults cannot arrange things so that the elders of the group cannot have comfort (DGGM may need to have company, and both DGM and DGF definitely need to have company of DCs) while younger adults get a room to themselves as their offspring are entertained by night as well as day by their DGPs, that is blatantly unfair.

I would definitely plan on going in your camper van, if you were to continue with the plan, so you have your own space and can enjoy the break from your DM.

This is presumably well deserved respite for you and not a time when you need bickering teens invading the space set aside for you - rather than somewhere you can enjoy a holiday in the company of extended family but also retreat to your own space at times.

Not have that space filled by bickering teens and expected that you must be the person to leave it, but not them. Especially when you are already subsidising those teens as well as paying for your own space.

If holidays in this set up are to continue, the parents of all DGCs need to start paying fairly for their entire family needs, and also reflecting the needs of the others in the group (not expecting the elders to be the sharing people) - either they need to share or they need to get a bigger place(and pay their fair proportion of the costs of that larger space).

Coldilox · 26/01/2021 09:29

Why do they now want to take your mum? Is it so there is another adult to split the cost with?

OrigamiOwl · 26/01/2021 09:30

This didn't sound like much of a holiday for you either way... Either sharing with teens or caring for your mum, whichever it ends up being it would be any sort of relaxing break for you.
If I was in our position I would bow out gracefully now and not be drawn any further into it. You seem to be considered as bottom of the pile and that is likely to extend through the whole holiday.

HikeForward · 26/01/2021 09:35

I’d insist on my own single room or not go! It’s very cheeky of them to expect you to share with teenagers. Maybe the teenagers mum should share with them and her husband share with the boy and you have their room. You have every right to a nice room like the couples! Any way you can arrive first and choose the room yourself?

MiddleClassProblem · 26/01/2021 09:35

Firstly, be honest with your daughter about how you feel about all of it! Then she can take that into consideration when looking for accommodation.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to her for whatever reason then I would say there’s no need to look for a other place. You can do the camper van but pay a pitch rate just like you do in a holiday park. That could include using the facilities so work out what that would be worth as a flat rate.

Whaleandsnail6 · 26/01/2021 09:37

I'd say to your dd that you will be bringing the camper van and then offer an amount towards using the house but not needing a bedroom. Tell them to keep the original house but cost it so the other adults split the bedrooms.

Stay firm on that and needing a break from caring for your mother... There is nothing wrong with needing a break from caring duties.

If people have a problem with that option, I'd back out completely.

SnoozyLou · 26/01/2021 09:38

YANBU. I would want my own room. The parents are taking the piss splitting the cost between all the adults - they're their children - they should pay for them, and share with them too if it comes to that!

Godimabitch · 26/01/2021 09:38

Take your camper and dont contribute to the cost of the house. I would not be paying the same to stay with two teenage girls as I would to stay with my husband. Contribute to food, but not the house.

SnoozyLou · 26/01/2021 09:40

I would take the camper van.

Somewhere else.

Aprilx · 26/01/2021 09:44

As an adult the only person I will share a room with is my partner. I don’t want to share with mum, sister and definitely not two teenage nieces. I don’t think the camper an is a good idea, because your family may take offence and you will obviously be using the house at some points so there is a question over your contribution anyway.

Your family appears to have very little respect for adults not in a relationship, with you and a couple of elderly relatives being expected to bunk up with children of the other adults who get their own room. All adults should have their own room, regardless of their relationship status.

AtlasPine · 26/01/2021 09:51

@SnoozyLou

I would take the camper van.

Somewhere else.

Coffeekisses · 26/01/2021 09:56

You just need a spreadsheet which all costs can go into (including any petrol or maintenance costs for your campervan). Then an even split is worked out for everyone. No arguments - you just blame it on the spreadsheet. Be logical about it and take out the emotion. (And take your campervan - accommodation sounds very squished!)

PixieLaLa · 26/01/2021 10:02

Sooo the organiser is your DD then just be honest with her and say you don’t want to go unless you have your own room.

Lol the winky face sex message to your own mum 🙈

HerMammy · 26/01/2021 10:11

If you’re expected to pay an equal
share to the other adults I would want my own room.
Sounds more like your DD wants a babysitter.
These big daily holidays are my idea of hell.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6