To be mightily cheesed off

[whatsthepointinwasps]

Or over reacting? Hard to know these days!

This is a an extended family going on holiday together situation ( planned for next year when, fingers crossed, we’ll all be able to get out with some semblance of normality)
I was all for it, as was everyone else, place looked lovely. Beautiful house with wonderful amenities in a picturesque setting.
So proposed room set up was that I share with with my sister in law’s DDs, both teenagers. The girls themselves are nice enough when not together but, as all sisters do, they tend to fight when in the same room.
Don’t get me wrong I understand that sibling bickering is a natural occurrence in all families. I don’t mind it but I don’t want to share a room with it when on holiday.
I said that to the person who is doing the organising and their reply was ‘well just go out if they start’
I feel that especially as l’ll have paid out a fair bit of money for the privilege of having a room, I shouldn’t then have to leave it because of arguing youngsters.
Is this a reasonable or unreasonable point of view?

Come on MN !
‘It doesn’t work for me’ is all you say.

Personally I’d be backing out now as it’s soured before it’s started.

@whatsthepointinwasps

What do you lot think of the camper van idea? I like it as it means next to no packing for me but .......I just fear the silent or not so silent recriminations when it comes to paying and using facilities that I haven’t paid for. Thinking along those lines I could offer a lump sum so no one can complain if I want to use the hot tub or sauna, is that reasonable?

Seems reasonable

No way would I pay to spend my holiday sharing a room with someone else's teens! In this situation I would be fine if you wanted to sleep in the campervan and pay towards food etc but if you think it will cause an atmosphere I would pull out altogether. Or tell them the accommodation isn't suitable for the party size and look for other options.

Has this house been booked? If not, I'd suggest you point out that you need a bigger one.

You also need to talk to them about how costs are split. There is no reason why you on your own should be paying the same as the other adults, especially with teenagers now in the mix.

Stompydinosaur, I like your thinking. Funnily enough when I asked why parents can’t share with their kids I was met with a ‘why do you think winking emoji times two’ reply.
Thanks for saying well done, it’s weird how certain people are just expected to put up and shut up....and seen as awkward if not.
I imagine grandfather will just go along with it, but I think it’s even more unfair on him- he’s not only got to share a room but sleep in a blinking bunk bed!!!
I could point that out to the organiser but god forbid I cause any more trouble
Maybe I should brink up the bunk bed etc? Though most likely he’ll say it’s fine then I’ll look foolish.

How many people are there, and how many rooms/beds? I’m finding it hard to work that out.
But yes, if you pay for a room, you get a room. Fair enough to maybe share with one older niece, but in my experience, you need your own space to get away, sometimes....

Peace and quiet in a camper van for me. Nothing to do with money, I don't like sharing a room with anyone, never mind teenagers.

I love my extended family. In small doses (when we could lol). We get on great, but a family holiday is just not for us.

We all have different personalities, partners, some like quiet, some like madness.

I would not be able to go OP. Sharing with teenagers? Not a fkn chance. If you really want to go, stay in a nice hotel nearby all by yourself if that is possible.

I am a great believer in doing my own thing.

Op, so go back and say that it they don't want to share with their own dc then they can probably understand why you don't either!

I can't believe anyone could be so unreasonable as to suggest this to you, I'm truly flummoxed by it. Some people have more brass than a jar of pennies!

Hollaholla
There are 7 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms and it takes 20 guests.
In our party there will be 12 adults, 4 teenagers, 1 preteen, smallish baby and 3 dogs.
It’s a big place with plenty lounge type rooms, games room, swimming pool, hot tub, sauna plus huge garden.
It does look fab but I really was taken a back by the sharing.
It’s not that I don’t like the girls, but I don’t know them well enough to share and what I have experienced whilst they were together puts me off

Sounds beyond shite.
A holiday with relatives
A holiday with teenagers
Stuck in one too small house
Sharing a bedroom
Sharing a bedroom with someone else's kids

Good god.

I'd be getting a lovely hotel room alone, in a different country.

These people are very selfish.
Fair enough you can ask if you'd share but when you said no, then that should have been the end of it.

Is divide house by rooms.
Mum can sleep with her teenage girls, dad with the boys.
Their choice to have kids.

I can't imagine saying to my friend 'sleep in this room with my kids thanks... oh and pay for the privilege ....so I can have sex'.

Camper van idea not great. You'd be using their kitchen, toilets etc so I'd be annoyed at that if I was paying for a cottage and other person was using it but not paying. They sound like they're not happy with that idea.

Umm, no! You're not their mum, au pair, or getting the holiday for free due to babysitting duties. Tell them thanks, but no thanks. Will they also expect you to slope off to bed at the same time as the teens to 'supervise'? It'd be a big fat no from me, and their parents can share a room with them instead plus '😉 find 20mins on their own in 1 of the 4 bathrooms' 😁.

"There are 7 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms and it takes 20 guests.
In our party there will be 12 adults, 4 teenagers, 1 preteen, smallish baby and 3 dogs."
There's not enough space, surely? I'd definitely stay in your camper van and take grandad with you to spare him from the bunk beds. Offer to pay a smaller contribution if you want to use the bathroom in the house.
Generally I would say the bedrooms should be shared between the adults and the kids share a room with their parents.

I'm still trying to work out who's related to who staying in which bedrooms!

For me to go, I'd need my own bedroom with ensuite.

They need to find a property with the right number of rooms or you need to back out.

We do this with my family annually (not with Covid mind!) theres 14 adults & 6 children. From 70 year olds to a 2 year old. Either parents share with their children, or all the preteen children are in one room, smaller children & babies in with parents & it's paid per room. No childless adults share with children! And if they want their own room (not sharing with another adult) we book a place with extra rooms! We pay per room, per family. So 2 adults & 2 teens = 2 rooms paid for. 2 adults & 3 under 5s who will share = 1 room. But food etc is split per person with it being cheaper for 2y old etc. Booze is BYOB as we all drink different things. No WAY would we expect childless adults to share with any child! Teens or baby!

And thinking about your camper van idea. We had some family (were a huge bloody family!) who could only come for 3 days rather than the week. They had a camper van & just put money into the food/sundries pot. They used the facilities & paid a small amount to cover it. No one asked for the money for 'the facilities' it was offered. At one point there was 23 adults & 6 children Fingers crossed for 2022!

Surely some of the young siblings could share? I'd always share with my brother when we were teens staying at family's house for a couple of nights, mixing genders and ages really isn't an issue short term. Why do the parents of said kids not take responsibility for their kids and lump them all in together so Grandfather doesn't have to sleep in a bunk bed??

LadyTruck - This was how it was proposed to be:
I was supposed to share room with 2 teenage girls, grandfather in with other male children in room with three sets of bunk beds. Parents with baby had child in with them.
Other childless couple had their own room, sets of parents had their own room plus elderly great grandmother had her own room on ground floor with the option one of teenage girls go in with her if needs be.
Re money division:
I don’t mind how the money is split, we’ve always agreed that all adults split cost of children. For both accommodation plus food and booze.
It was just this particular room share I didn’t like.

This is now becoming a bit of a dreaded drip feed but my initial post was about me sharing with girls which through the course of the conversation morphed into this:
There is another great grand mother who wasn’t included in the group( because she is my mother and has Alzheimer’s and it was assumed I would want a break from dealing with her. Actually I do but feel guilty)
So now organiser is looking for another house large enough to accommodate her- with me sharing with her.
Last night I said no to the sharing with teenagers, then no to going at all. That’s when organiser said she’d look for another house.
Not now sure if I actually want to go at all, to any house with them, sharing with my mum or not. I thought the way it was devised room wise was inconsiderate.
The organiser is my adult DD and part of one set of parents. Hope that’s all clear?
AIBU if I just back out totally at this point?

I wouldnt share a room with anyone!

Op, instead of keeping saying what you don’t want, can you propose a room set up you’d be happy with?

What would that look like?

So your DD is effectively punishing you for not sharing with the teens, by organising to bring your mum? Nice.

Just back out OP, it sounds like either way you are getting the short straw - sharing with teens or taking caring responsibility for your mum. Neither sounds much of a holiday to me

I'd back out. Sounds like your DD is determined to prioritise others' needs over yours. Would your mother even enjoy it? Can imagine you'd have terribly interrupted sleep. Say that you'll stay nearby perhaps and come for day visits?

YANBU. If I couldn’t have my own room I wouldn’t be going.

This ^^

Sod all of that. I’d not bother