To be mightily cheesed off

[whatsthepointinwasps]

Or over reacting? Hard to know these days!

This is a an extended family going on holiday together situation ( planned for next year when, fingers crossed, we’ll all be able to get out with some semblance of normality)
I was all for it, as was everyone else, place looked lovely. Beautiful house with wonderful amenities in a picturesque setting.
So proposed room set up was that I share with with my sister in law’s DDs, both teenagers. The girls themselves are nice enough when not together but, as all sisters do, they tend to fight when in the same room.
Don’t get me wrong I understand that sibling bickering is a natural occurrence in all families. I don’t mind it but I don’t want to share a room with it when on holiday.
I said that to the person who is doing the organising and their reply was ‘well just go out if they start’
I feel that especially as l’ll have paid out a fair bit of money for the privilege of having a room, I shouldn’t then have to leave it because of arguing youngsters.
Is this a reasonable or unreasonable point of view?

So you are subsidising accommodation and the food/drink for your family, to enjoy a family holiday. I get you don’t mind the financial aspect, but the set up is not practical in original house. To change house and bring your own DM sounds like a punishment to me... where is your holiday in either of these scenarios. This is the conversation I’d be having tbh. I think the camper van with food split and an amount to the accommodation is more than fair. I’d also tell Dd that on this basis all kids share and grandad gets his own room. If you don’t put your foot down then the family holidays will end, and your family won’t get any subsidy!

Why did you agree to this? Why should you share the room with teenagers? I would have said no from the get go.

This is your own daughter doing this?! Bizarre.

Think you need to work out how many rooms everyone needs then go from there.

It doesn't sound like there are enough rooms for everyone to be comfortable in this place.

And as for suggesting you bring your mum along too so you can continue to care for her. Oh that's kind of them to offer you to work during your break.

Are you a holiday guest or teen/grandma supervisor paying for the privilege?

Your daughter is looking for a different house. Now is the time to tell her that you want your own room or you won't be going. You could take off on your own in your camper van and have a lovely time...

I already voted YANBU when I assumed you were a single, childless Auntie being asked to share with teenage DN’s.

I am beyond shocked that you are one of the DGM’s!! How utterly disrespectful of your adult DC to treat you (and the DGF expected to use a bunk bed?!?) like this.

OP if you are a grandparent, what age is poor granpa that’s bering shunted into a bunk?
I’m sorry but your DD sounds like she’s trying to get a holiday on the cheap with babysitters flung in, your group needs a bigger house and costs divided by room numbers.
Your DD is a CF.

In my family the elderly grandparents get sorted first to make sure they're comfy and happy before the capable adults...

Sorry I didn't see your daughter is looking for a new place. You need to make it clear that coming away on 'holiday' to be a carer isn't what you're looking for.

They're treating you and your poor grandpa appallingly.

They’re treating older adults in the family like the kids, aren’t they? “Well, Nan can share with the four year old and...”

Just no. This isn’t a holiday for you. What a nightmare.

How utterly disrespectful of your adult DC to treat you (and the DGF expected to use a bunk bed?!?) like this.

This.

Just imagining this situation is making my blood pressure spike. I wouldn't go if they're making you share while the (younger, entitled) parents all get privacy. The camper suggestion seems fair, if you contribute to cover the parts of the house you do use. Otherwise, I'd arrange a holiday of my own. Spending too much time with extended family with no break is exhausting, anyway! Not much of a holiday, imo.

Bugger that, I think I'd pull out altogether.

So you're expected to share a room with 2 teenagers whilst their parents have a 'break' and every other adult has their own room.

Or they rent a different house and take your Mum who you've been caring for abs need a break.

Does anyone in this situation give a monkeys about you?

I'd take your camper van......... to John 'o' Groats

Don’t go!! Family holidays are like a passport straight to hell.
I’ll never forget the time I was told my 2 year old couldn’t have a biscuit because we hadn’t paid towards the cost of it. I’m not even kidding. And that was by their auntie.

It’s a no from me.

Bugger that.

I can’t believe your dd would think this is ok. If it were young auntie and nieces I could see it, but not the gm!

Yes to saying well I have a sex life too, just because it’s on my own doesn’t mean it doesn’t count, and it’s my holiday too. A room to myself is the requirement. If parents don’t want to share with their own children then I’ll take that as a hint that I don’t want to either.

Ha!!! Ridiculous to ask you to share with teens. One my cousins still isn’t talking to her sister over a trip like this set up. There was a big falling out because the single sister was asked to go in the single bedroom but all other siblings (in couples) had double rooms. She would’ve been paying less but still felt it was rude. Theses types of holidays are so complex to please everyone!!!

Your own DD is organising this???? Wtf? Does she hate you? I'd be really hurt by this, wish them a good holiday and fuck off somewhere else entirely.

I can't imagine my own daughter suggesting I share with 2 adult teenagers as a break from being a carer for someone with Alzheimer. Your DD needs to have a word with herself.

@WhereamI88

Your own DD is organising this???? Wtf? Does she hate you? I'd be really hurt by this, wish them a good holiday and fuck off somewhere else entirely.

I can't imagine my own daughter suggesting I share with 2 adult teenagers as a break from being a carer for someone with Alzheimer. Your DD needs to have a word with herself.

Dramatic much? 😂

Either you get a larger house or you'll have to share - 7 rooms for 12 adults + 5 teens... YABU to ask for your own room.
Parents sharing with their own children, why not but is that possible in terms of bed setups? If yes then you can push this option.

I would share with my own kids rather than asking/telling my DM to share with them. And have done so in the past. YANBU OP.

From one of your posts, OP, it looks like GGM with Alzheimer's is also now being included. Is that wise? I found with my own relatives that taking dementia away from their usual surroundings could make things worse. If that's the case, you'd definitely not get a holiday.

It does see as if your DD is looking at you as babysitter, etc. Are you sure you want to go? I certainly wouldn't unless I had a room to myself and wasn't expected to be a carer/babysitter,

So Davidschitt- I was ok with van option but thought working out how much to contribute so I can use facilities might lead to arguments so I wanted to avoid that.
I also hadn’t particularly thought out which room was going to who etc as I got msg to say ‘look at this house, let’s all have an extended family hol’ just as I arrived at work. I said yeah it sounds a fab idea. When I next looked at phone that’s when I saw the proposed room splits.

To the op who asked if I’d be happy to share with DGGM, I would but she’s in her 90s and understandably can find it difficult to ‘grin and bear’ things so prefers to not to share....or to only share with those she is v close to....which isn’t me.

DGF is in his 60’s but far more amenable than me so most likely wouldn’t mind the bunk bed despite paying over the odds for it....I however feel it’s unfair.

Most likely my DM (the other DGGM) won’t join us as her Alzheimer’s, which is already advanced, will have progressed further by then and so it may not be possible.

To the person who asked why I’d agreed to this? I agreed in principal with before giving logistics full consideration, nothing booked yet.

To the individual who said ‘they won’t be rude enough to start arguing in front of you’ erm yes they would, and have! As for telling them off, not sure parents would be happy about that. Parents v protective of their own usually.

I have, now I’m finished work, msged my DD and explained how I feel. She asked others if they ok with going elsewhere and paying more.....we shall see.

Totally unfair that child-free adults are having to subsidise the children as far as accommodation and food are concerned.
One person, one share, apart from the baby.
Holiday companies give places free to under 2s and charge adult rate at 12, don't they?
And the bedroom arrangement was nuts.
Do you really want to go? Is there anyone else you could holiday with who would not expect you to subsidise others, have a shared room, and be a free babysitter?

Erm well as it stands I think we are looking at another house now, I do want to go, but have my own room when there’s.
The new place has more rooms so no sharing, I said my peace and it was accepted peacefully :-)
Just waiting to see what other parties say about increased prices to be paid.

I organised a trip with sister/brother-in-law and parents. My sister (who is not generally a CF) suggested we pay per bedroom until I pointed out that would mean that, having done all the donkey work and paid the deposit, I'd be paying twice as much per head as everyone else.