To ask why we struggle with money so much.

[whatismyusername29]

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

OP you need to do a spreadsheet of your main expenses and then log every penny you spend for 2-3 months. It sounds like you just don't know where your money is going.

There are some costs you haven't mentioned yet - clothes, shoes, toys, books, presents, toiletries, haircuts, sports/hobbies, interest on debt...

Comb through your bank and CC statements and write it all down.

@MixMatch not as simple as he will eat if he’s hungry I’m afraid.

No birthdays or special events for a while which will help

OK - you really need to budget for this sort of stuff. And if you're serious about trying to save money, make an agreement with adult family members that it's no or token gifts and just buy for the children. Work out your present budget for the year, divide it by 12 and save that much each month. Same thing goes for every other irregular expected expense - you should be spreading the cost over the year, not waiting until you get to the month when the expense falls and hoping that you can afford it.

I'd keep the nexflix but get rid of the takeaways.

Oh, and I completely understand the need for two cars when you live rurally and have kids.

Your income is low, that is the problem.

It costs about £130 to get married at a register office. If you’re not working you’ll make that back twice over in the first year in a Married Couples Allowance

Possibly the most romantic thing I've ever read on MN 😏

So you need to collate all your income and outgoings into one post:

1. Normal income
2. Child benefit
3. DLA.
4. Anything else from every month
5. Overtime (find the last X months and actually average it)

Then all the costs:

1. Mortgage £400
2. Water £90 (running total £490)
3. Gas and electric X (RT £Y)
4. Insurances (average monthly: house, contents, life, phone, car, pet)
5. Council tax
6. Subscriptions: dentist, Netflix, prime etc
7. Phone/internet/mobiles £115 ish
8. Food £450
9. Petrol £100

10. Monthly average of "big" costs: car services, new tumble dryers, boiler etc - each one is unexpected but they keep on happening so account for them. 11. Annual costs - Christmas, birthdays etc - again divide by twelve - and check what you actually spent 12. Clothes and haircuts etc 13. Anything else - school lunches, paying off the sofa etc (£95 for those two)

Then compare one with the other - I can see £1250 without gas and electric or council tax or anything in there.

The debt isn’t on credit cards as such. Majority of the debt is from PayPal credit which I guess is like a credit card but we don’t actually have a physical credit card we can just use. It’s from online purchases. PayPal credit offer 4 months interest free on purchases over £100

But you don't have to take it. Interest free credit/buy now, pay later deals are only worth it if you have the money to pay it off.

[ quote]We are overdrawn each month by about £200! 😩

Tbf Christmas was expensive. Then the heating fixed and dp only went to monthly in the summer.[/ quote]

But that's just one month. If you were saving £1,500 which your outgoings suggests then that would be a drop in the ocean.

None of the outgoings you've given seem unreasonably high which leads me to believe you are spending money on things that you aren't acknowledging. Check your bank statements and check where your money is really going.

And sorry, I can see my quote doesn't work but can't find how to fix it.

Thats a shitload of money.

What the hell are you doing with it

Council tax we are on Band A which is around £100 a month here I believe.

Gas and electric around £90 a month for both during winter.

Council tax we are on Band A which is around £100 a month here I believe.

If you aren't sure then check to get accurate figures.

I think you are doing really well on the money you have. However, you really need to think about getting married as a good financial decision, at least for you. As a PP said, it only costs £130 but could save you thousands...

Your income is low, that is the problem.

No, it isn’t low. And in a way it doesn’t matter, OP has a LOT of discretionary spending going on so there’s lots of opportunity to cut back anyway.

@Coulddowithanap definitely! I will trawl through actual figures tomorrow now! I’m sure it’s £100 anyway but think it may have increased slightly

Saying but who doesn't ?! Is meaningless as you aren't them.

If you have no savings you are spending all your money. .

Does your partner have a secret gambling habit?

To add we haven’t always had the extras. My ex hasn’t always been great at paying but has become more consistent. Didn’t get Carers allowance until last year! Not always got DLa for DS. So we haven’t had all this coming in for a long period of time.

Hello :) As previous posters have said, I really recommend an evening with you both sat going through your bank statements from the last 3-6 months line by line, and literally categorising every item. This transformed my finances and made me see the reality, rather than the ‘story’ I was telling myself. It was shocking actually- my food bill was actually near double what I thought it was when I added in all the ‘mid week pop in for extras’ expenditure. On days out with the family (pre-Covid) after parking, ice creams, little treats, entrance fees- I could spend £100 in a few hours- and those things just never stuck in my head when I was wondering where it all went.
That insight was the only thing that helped me realistically budget. Don’t budget £100 a week for food if you actually spend nearer to £130... then you can see if you can actually afford the other things like takeaway etc.

Also- more personal thing, but for a long time I was just stuck in a way of thinking around money that ultimately was sabotage. I worked so hard, was stressed, never drank, didn’t really go out any more... so didn’t I deserve the take away / Netflix / few nice snack treats from the shop on the way home??!! Well, in one way yes- but it still didn’t mean I could afford them.
Once I learned to take my emotions out of my budget, I got on track. Six months later- cleared debt I thought was insurmountable and saving was a realistic ambition.

You can definitely do this OP- but I’m afraid you have to get SUPER detailed and leave as much emotion out of it! Good luck!

@floopidy

Does your partner have a secret gambling habit?

Funny that. His dad was a gambler but no definitely not 😀

I think this every month but when you add every up it’s frightening where it goes.

Mortgage
House insurance
Car insurance
Car tax
Fuel
Council tax
Water
Gas & electric
Food
Phone
Life insurance
TC licence

And that is just the basics

@LizFlowers

Just saying, it costs £70 to marry in a register office.

Actually it cost's £35 each to register your intent to marry, .so there will be more to pay but still, not expensive. Weddings are only expensive if you have a big do but you can always have a small party afterwards or later on.

I only mention this because in your opening post you wondered how you could afford to marry.

You are not doing too badly at the moment actually and I do understand how difficult it would be to get a job when you are caring for two children with special needs.

I've never been particularly good at budgeting so will leave financial advice to everyone else.

Good luck.

I think for the next month or so make a list of all the food you already have and do a strict menu plan to use up everything you have and eat super cheaply. Hopefully this will keep you out of overdraft.

Then with cutting your mobile contract and some of the other tips that will help.

If you have your own handsets you should be on usage contracts of £10 per month tops. We use £7 per month Tesco ones and it's fine.

Could you do without Prime for a couple of months - could you be more organised so you don't need next day delivery etc?

Also plan all your car journeys so you are at least minimising fuel costs.

These are a bit drastic BUT you will be better off getting out your overdraft.

Also you need to leave off your DH basic take home. Overtime pays for holiday fund/overpay mortgage/take away/savings.

@FAQs

I think this every month but when you add every up it’s frightening where it goes.

Mortgage
House insurance
Car insurance
Car tax
Fuel
Council tax
Water
Gas & electric
Food
Phone
Life insurance
TC licence

And that is just the basics

Never ending isn’t it. I forgot about the life insurance we pay too! And TV license!