To ask why we struggle with money so much.

[whatismyusername29]

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

Definitely do not use your savings to pay off debt.

You should only do that when you have a separate pot of money to cover expenses for a few months.

Keep on saving towards your emergency fund and when you have a comfortable amount which would cover mortgage and some bills for a few months then begin to pay the debt down as quickly as you can - alternatively you could split any savings you can make and top up your emergency fund and pay down debt.

Although the “pay down debt first” argument has a lot of merit and is a genuine approach - it doesn’t account for the fact you have zero back up if your income disappears overnight.

Learn how to maintain expensive things really well.
Read the washing machine manual. Follow the instructions to the letter.
Same with the cars. Laptops. Lag the pipes.
Doesn't mean nothing will go wrong ever again, but it will help.

Thing is in the past we were so good at saving and now it’s gone down hill. Seems like a never ending thing. Always something to pay for especially having your own house too. Always something to repair or maintain or decorate 🤣my kitchen is falling apart but a new kitchen seems like a dream. Need a money tree!!

You seem to forget about an awful lot of things OP. Which gives me the impression that you really have not got a handle on your finances at all. You need to sit down and write them all down. Every. Single. Thing. Reduce/get rid of what you can and then make a plan to pay off the debts. Also you keep mentioning this want to go on a holiday, it's a luxury OP not a right. Make a budget and stick to it.

@FAQs

I think this every month but when you add every up it’s frightening where it goes.

Mortgage
House insurance
Car insurance
Car tax
Fuel
Council tax
Water
Gas & electric
Food
Phone
Life insurance
TC licence

And that is just the basics

There you go then, genetics

@Temptashun generally we are pretty good at making appliances last! Dp partner is a computer whizz and can fix a lot of problems to so not an issue there.

It’s just general upkeep of the house. Decorating, carpets etc. Kitchen hasn’t been replaced since we moved in and he’s so basic it’s desperate for a refurb (I’m not just saying it because I want a new kitchen, it generally is falling apart!) 😩

You need to list everything and I mean everything, even down to hair cuts, birthdays, Christmas etc. Work out the yearly amount and then divide by 12. Multiple bank accounts are your friend. If you save money this way, there will be no nasty surprises. I'm a single parent supporting 2 primary aged children. This way of budgeting has saved me. I have a similar income of just under 3k and mortgage of £400. Don't have car expenses as such as its a company car, but pay through my tax and have around £600 after all the bills as 'free' money each month.

You say that neither of you drink alcohol but do either of you smoke/vape?

OP "Majority of the debt is from PayPal credit which I guess is like a credit card but we don’t actually have a physical credit card we can just use. It’s from online purchases"

What did you purchase?

When you say you need a new kitchen, what does that mean? Mine is about 20 years old, it doesn't need to be replaced. Some glue needed here and there, I'll grant you, 😂but that's it.

Why won't your child eat a packed lunch?? if they're hungry they will eat it but you have stop pandering to his whims - you're the responsible adult.

Haha! There’s been some real bullshit ‘advice’ on this thread but this is my fave, along with ‘can DH’s get a promotion’- as if that had never occurred to him!

Using the rough estimates you listed your outgoings are only about £1600 a month although I didn’t see home insurance listed nor payments towards your debts. Obviously this is not accurate but an indication.
But this means you are spending a lot of money on something every month if you are overdrawn.
You appear to have an income of nearly £3k some months. This is a decent income with your housing costs.
I would be taking time (not easy but essential) and sit down with bank statements and literally list everything payment and categorise them all so you can see where that money is going every month.
My prior would be to find out where that money is going.

When hubby lost his job due to covid we lived on a similar budget to yourselves however it includes £100 each for personal spending. Our food budget is £60 per week but sometimes we have only spent £14 in a week as we are strict with using what's in the house. In our case it didn't matter if we didn't buy a loaf of bread straight away if we had other bakery products in the house. We also have Netflix and prime as our life was sad enough.
We also buy our loo roll at places like savers and farmfoods.
Folks are right the only way to sort it is a spreadsheet.

Some outgoings are fixed and you cannot do anything about them such as council tax. Others you can shop around for and get the cheapest deal but you do that already. The one outgoing you can really change is food and don't forget it isn't just food. Washing powder, toiletries, cleaning materials all should be included. When we had a drastic salary drop we took two trolleys to Lidl once a month on a Saturday and I set Sunday aside and did a huge batch cook. Bought lots of tinfoil food cartons online and portioned meals up for the month. That way we only did a weekly top up shop for fresh stuff. You would need a big freezer and lots of planning though but it did save us hundreds per month. Another way of budgeting which gives you a one off lump sum (to halve your debt in one go) is to put all you fuel and food for the month ahead on a brand new credit card but set up a direct debit for the WHOLE amount from the next months salary. I may not have explained this too well and it needs to be carefully done in line with pay days and billing cut offs but we used it when we needed a quick lump sum to replace our fire years ago. It also makes you disciplined about food and fuel and you can really see what goes where. If you get a card with some kind of rewards scheme too that can assist.

having had a quick calculation of your income and outgoings, i think that you will have to be strict in recording your outgoings. On average your family income is about £2800 per month and outgoings listed at about £1500 per month , i have left out car costs as not listed but insurance and VED could add up to quite a bit but as you say necessary and as you have no finance outstanding changing to cheaper/newer cars will cost more.
You will also spend quite a lot of your income on children's clothes and shoes.
Having had some big unexpected bills no only affects your finances but can also your mental health stopping you from focussing on the good things you are doing
Keep your Netflix/Prime as these are your smallest outgoings and probably good value .
Small savings can probably be made on bills , maybe a water meter if you don't have one, and a bit more when phone contract ends and sofa paid off .
Food cost can be high but can usually be made cheaper with a lot of planning , batch cooking , etc. Take aways could be reduced but who wants to live in such a restrictive way.
I would maybe look at the potential for extra benefits for Dd and possibly even look at a financial planner to take an objective view of your finances and help you meet your financial goals.
BTW you are doing great addressing your issues with money and looking for solutions.

Are you paying off your cars each month or did you buy them outright? A new car or even a 4 year old car is a complete luxury you don't need if you don't have the money available to buy outright. I have a 10 year old car which cost me about £2000 and is perfectly fine. I really can't believe the amount of money some people spend on cars when they're also in debt 🤷‍♀️

[quote whatismyusername29]@Temptashun generally we are pretty good at making appliances last! Dp partner is a computer whizz and can fix a lot of problems to so not an issue there.

It’s just general upkeep of the house. Decorating, carpets etc. Kitchen hasn’t been replaced since we moved in and he’s so basic it’s desperate for a refurb (I’m not just saying it because I want a new kitchen, it generally is falling apart!) 😩[/quote]
Definitely don't be replacing the kitchen!

I've lived with kitchen doors missing before - if you think things like that are a priority (not saying you are, but some people do) then you really don't have the mindset for tight budgeting.

I'm a bit worried about the 'We have Netflix, but who doesn't?' comment as it is - if you'd said 'We have Netflix, but as a cost to benefit expense (we consider it a relatively cheap luxury) it's really worth it', I'd be less worried.
A 'keeping up with the Joneses' attitude (again, not saying you have it, just warning you) will lose you a fortune.

Right Ill tell you what it is you are obviously spending too much

I take it you get £2120 per month?

£400 mortgage
£320 per month food family of four with some healthy options too.
council tax £120 - £180 (I presume)
Netflix £8
Gas/Electric £120 per month combined max.
Petrol £40 per week both cars.
Phones x 2 contracts no more than £30 per month. if more change contract if possible.
£45 per month for DS lunch.
Payment plan for debts £100 per month
£50 per week top up shopping = £200
Clothes and bits per month £240 or £60 per week
£20 per week for lunch for husband

Total at the worst £2120 - £1763 = savings £357 per month.

Anything else to add to out goings?

My total is a cost whereby you can live a relatively healthy life and still save. I think you are doing quick nips to the shops for the sake of it and getting extras that you don't really need and that is affecting your finance!!!!!!

To use cash back site such as Quidco and there are others and shop in sale and make sure that you can have a code

@LunaHeather

OP "Majority of the debt is from PayPal credit which I guess is like a credit card but we don’t actually have a physical credit card we can just use. It’s from online purchases"

What did you purchase?

When you say you need a new kitchen, what does that mean? Mine is about 20 years old, it doesn't need to be replaced. Some glue needed here and there, I'll grant you, 😂but that's it.

Before we bought the house the houses around here were refurbished and sold on cheaply (ex army housing). The cheapest kitchens were put in them. Very very basic and cheap. Ours is falling apart!

Monthly pay is the root of all evil. I wish we’d go back to weekly . So much easier.

I'm a bit shocked that lots of people are saying your income is low.

We have a similar amount coming in, also 2 adults and 2 children, and although we're clearly not rolling in it I don't feel it's a low income. We manage fine and can afford some luxuries too without ever going overdrawn, and we can put a little in to savings sometimes.

I do sometimes wonder where money goes though! We should have more left over each month than we do!

Until you list everything in a month (from your statement, every item) you’re just guessing. People have asked and you’ve said “it’s not that” but there’s about £1500 that’s just evaporating each month and that’s a lot.

I’d stop guessing. Do a list, then you can get some helpful advice

@Temptashun as above. Kitchen is in a great need to be replaced! ex army housing sold on cheap. Very cheap kitchens were put in to sell houses after refurbs.

@user1471478181

To use cash back site such as Quidco and there are others and shop in sale and make sure that you can have a code

I think you can use cash back on your bills.

@wintertime6

Are you paying off your cars each month or did you buy them outright? A new car or even a 4 year old car is a complete luxury you don't need if you don't have the money available to buy outright. I have a 10 year old car which cost me about £2000 and is perfectly fine. I really can't believe the amount of money some people spend on cars when they're also in debt 🤷‍♀️

Not paying off cars. Partners bought outright many years ago. we borrowed a small amount for mine. It’s older than 4 years old. It was 4 years old when we got it! 😩