To ask why we struggle with money so much.

[whatismyusername29]

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

@Arborea

Hi OP, another person here who thinks you're doing OK as it is.

The main thing I gained from my own debt free wannabe journey was that all the little things add up, so if you have a few 'red lines' (eg 2 cars, Netflix etc) then you have to look at other things to spend smarter on. It can be an eye opener to review your last year's worth of Amazon orders and work out (a) how much you spent, (b) whether it was really value for money or a waste and (c) whether you've really saved money on P&P compared to the ££ you spent.

Also make sure your new budget covers absolutely everything you ever need to spend money on (hair cuts, window cleaner, car parking, stamps, school charity donations etc) - I find these a surprisingly significant amount. Pre lock down I used a cash system for this: I'd allow myself a set amount each week and when it was gone, it was gone. I work out of the house, so it was also a bit of an allowance for lunches for me, and it allowed me to have a bit of choice and 'fun money' - if I had coffee and cake out then it would be soup and a roll for the rest of the week.

And as for holidays, I love them but they're strictly self-catering cottages or static caravans - thankfully my children's idea of heaven! As a dog owner it's also generally cheaper to bring it with you than pay for a kennel/sitter.

That should have been whether you saved on P&P compared to the cost of your Prime subscription...

Honestly reading your post, unless you've got a secret coffee or magazine habit you seem to be living frugally, sounds like you're doing really well.
I've been in a position of having lots of debt and thankfully out of it. 2 learnings, and they might sound obvious - what's going out, and what's coming in. So if you're comfortable that there's no way to save further (check all your deals, renewals, pay the least amount for everything). After doing all of that - look at money in.

• You don't claim benefits for your DD, but your post implies you could - claim what you are eligible for
• Can your husband earn more/increase OT
• Can you generate any income?, A FT job doesn't sound practical but car boots, sell stuff on ebay, even a 4 hour weekend job would be something - that income could be purely for a holiday fund
• Look for cashback deals e.g Top Cashback etc, money back for online purchases. Small amounts add up
• Do look at MSE - it helped me years ago and the advice is so good, from freebies, to coupons to competitions as well as spending plans and debt advice, it's a great (free) resource.
• Others have mentioned Monzo, it's got nifty features like rounding up purchases to the £ and siphoning that off into a separate savings pot. Small amounts add up over the year.

Good luck, I really really hope you get your holiday :)

[quote Plussizejumpsuit]@sunflowersandbuttercupsdo you really think 400 a month is a lot on food for a family of 4?idont think it's much.

This just show how difficult these threads are.[/quote]
It's not £400 a month on food though is it? It's £400 at the supermarket, plus £45 for DS's lunches plus whatever they spend on takeaways (another £50?). And DD gets free lunches when at school. I don't think £400 is excessive for a family of 4 but when the family of 4 includes 2 youngish children and the £400 doesn't even pay for 3 meals a day for all of them, there are potentially some savings to be made.

Stop.....getting......takeaways. Seriously. I honestly can't understand people paying extortionate prices for takeaways. Much much cheaper to make your own.

OP "I forgot to mention the dog as she’s a very very small amount of our outgoings."

Aww. I bet she is and I'm sure she is fab! But one day she will be expensive and you haven't factored that in. Do you even have pet insurance?

Like so many posters have said, you need to scrutinise the outgoings really hard. Really properly.

£400 a month on food but very little top
Ups other than milk or bread. I get my shopping delivered and don’t go in between.

Yeah we do pay for DS’s lunch but I’ve been spending a little
More on food during lockdown so cheaper for him to go school dinners 🤣

Take away is generally McDonald’s. Maybe £40 a month that we could cut but I mean if I’ve had a hard day with the kids sometimes it’s needed 😭

I’ve never bought a take away coffee in my life - hate coffee. Dp refuses to pay take away coffee too 🤣

One thing that struck me was that you said DD also has additional needs. Have you applied for DLA for her?

So things to explore - water meter is this an option for you? People can have massive savings with this.

Meal planning but a bit further - red lentils are very cheap and great at bulking out meals so that you don't need as much meat. A few veggie meals a week will reduce your shopping bill. Check out Jack Munro for recipes on a budget ideas.

Stop little top up shops and switch to own brand stuff.

What does your partner do for lunches? Any coffees/habitual bacon roll etc?

£400 a month on food but very little top-ups other than milk or bread. I get my shopping delivered and don’t go in between.

But you must go in between if you need to buy bread and milk?

Yeah we do pay for DS’s lunch but I’ve been spending a little more on food during lockdown so cheaper for him to go school dinners

But you're still spending £45 per month on lunches for one person! Surely it would be cheaper to make him sandwiches?

£40 a month on takeaways is nearly £500 a year.

DLa is 330 odd a month.

£120 maintenance

Carers £269 odd

Child benefit around £140 a month

This all brings our income up to nearly 3 grand a month. Sometimes as high as that with OT.

I think I need to take a good look into our finances to see where we go wrong!

@sunflowersandbuttercups

£400 a month on food but very little top-ups other than milk or bread. I get my shopping delivered and don’t go in between.

But you must go in between if you need to buy bread and milk?

Yeah we do pay for DS’s lunch but I’ve been spending a little more on food during lockdown so cheaper for him to go school dinners

But you're still spending £45 per month on lunches for one person! Surely it would be cheaper to make him sandwiches?

£40 a month on takeaways is nearly £500 a year.

Village shop for bread and milk.

DS will not eat packed lunch foods. He has major sensory issues with food and he doesn’t like ‘cold food’. Cooked lunches means he eats in the day.

Is this your income op?
Dp £2000
Maint £120
Chb £120
CA £250
DLA @£400

Is that right? Are you entitled to any tax credits or universal credit?

@Scottishskifun

So things to explore - water meter is this an option for you? People can have massive savings with this.

Meal planning but a bit further - red lentils are very cheap and great at bulking out meals so that you don't need as much meat. A few veggie meals a week will reduce your shopping bill. Check out Jack Munro for recipes on a budget ideas.

Stop little top up shops and switch to own brand stuff.

What does your partner do for lunches? Any coffees/habitual bacon roll etc?

No he takes a packed lunch. Refuses to buy anything. Never buys coffee or anything. Nothing nearby anyway. He doesn’t even get a proper break to eat.

Op sorry just saw your post above.

@Kndg

Is this your income op? Dp £2000 Maint £120 Chb £120 CA £250 DLA @£400

Is that right? Are you entitled to any tax credits or universal credit?

Not that I’m aware of. Dp goes overtime too so never earns the exact amount each month. It’s around £2000 sometimes a little more. Will be less this week as he took 3 days off last month awaiting covid test results.

@JADS

One thing that struck me was that you said DD also has additional needs. Have you applied for DLA for her?

She hasn’t been officially diagnosed and her needs aren’t quite as significant as DS’s. But I need to look into it.

I would have assumed you’d be entitled to a small amount of tax credits too as one of your children receives DLA

Sounds like you're doing all you can OP.

How much would a holiday cost you? Once you have a price you can work towards that. Even if you're only saving £50 a month towards it. It's a lot easier to work towards once you've made a financial goal iyswim.

DS will not eat packed lunch foods. He has major sensory issues with food and he doesn’t like ‘cold food’. Cooked lunches means he eats in the day.

Could you buy a thermos and then he can take in hot pasta, soup, stew etc? Would he eat that?

I’d be happy with a caravan holiday even just an hour away. For a few years we could have afforded it but chose not to as DS struggled with holidays. Now he would enjoy it we can’t afford it! 😭

DS will not eat packed lunch foods. He has major sensory issues with food and he doesn’t like ‘cold food’. Cooked lunches means he eats in the day.

Could you send hot food in a wide necked flask?

Sorry OP, you give the impression of someone who wants a lifestyle that you can't quite afford. You put in your OP that you don't have luxuries but as the thread has gone on there is more and more discretionary spending revealed. Most families in your position, do not have takeaways twice a month. They don't have expensive phone contracts, have a dog or run two cars. If your red lines are that you have to have 2 cars and pay for DS's school meals, then you really need to look at what else you can cut out from your other spending. As PPs have said, writing down absolutely everything you spend, would be a good start.

I think you're doing well honestly, that is a low income for two kids and a SAHM. What was your career/income before kids OP? If you got a part time job you could work school hours (when the kids go back obviously, unless you're a key worker)

@sunflowersandbuttercups

DS will not eat packed lunch foods. He has major sensory issues with food and he doesn’t like ‘cold food’. Cooked lunches means he eats in the day.

Could you buy a thermos and then he can take in hot pasta, soup, stew etc? Would he eat that?

I wish! He has an extremely selective diet! The school cater for him thankfully! When Dd is older she will go packed lunch as she prefers that anyway but for a few years she has free lunches.

There are benefits of DS going school lunches. For example he will try some foods he will not eat at home!

It’s not something I want to stop (I’d rather cut back elsewhere). He gets DLA so that goes towards it 😀

Not read all the answers - but Martin Lewis (money saving expert) does a great yearly budget spreadsheet - we’ve used it (or similar) for years. Especially when the kids were young and money was tight.

Also, the phone and subscriptions - check the costs for these. Phone is a good example. My contract is only £18 pm but some are £££ same with sky/Virgin there are different levels.

use his dla for lunches. (thats what dc's goes on. and bedroom doors )
cut out netflix and prime.
cut back on food. look at what you are eating and see if you are eating luxuries.