AIBU in thinking I can afford to move to Dubai?

[Partygirl2021]

I’m a single mum of a 15 month old, divorce should be finalised in a couple of months. It was always my dream to move abroad and Dubai is my first choice. My ex always refused to relocate. I earn £46k in London in a resourcing job. AIB unrealistic in thinking I could afford to live there? I know accommodation and school fees are high but I would love anyone’s experience.

I really think you need to take an extended break there before you decide. I personally wouldn’t choose to live there myself. I’ve visited multiple times for business and pleasure and it’s not for me.

I’ve lived and worked as an expat in the Philippines, Malaysia, France and now Switzerland, where I am now. We’ve actually settled here and bought a house (the deposit of which would have outright purchased the house in the UK; Warwickshire). We’re in a small ski resort, so the kids (4&2) are learning to ski every weekend. No need for international school as our local school is excellent; DS’s class has 8 pupils. It’s a wonderful life and a lovely mix of international and Swiss. It’s the most expensive country in the world to live in, but if you’re well qualified, salaries are very high. And only a 1hr flight back home! (We can even drive to DH’s hometown in the south of France).

I had a job offer a few years back in Jeddah, KSA. The salary was insane (more than my Swiss salary) but in the end I decided that their cultural values didn’t align with mine and that wasn’t for sale, so I turned it down.

Do your research before deciding anything, OP.

Frankly it’s none of your business I was asking purely about cost of living as a single parent...

... that's nice...

YABU

I don't think this is the best place to ask such a question. I'm sure there are lots of groups for people living in Dubai. If you're on facebook I'm sure there will be a few. Though as someone who has lived abroad in multiple countries there are far nicer places to go to.

The only time I hear about Dubai in the news is when naive European women go to the police to report sexual assault and then predictably get arrested for adultery and consuming alcohol. Not a positive place for women.

If you are late with any debt repayments, they put you in prison, beware! www.detainedindubai.org/post/the-truth-about-leaving-a-debt-behind-in-dubai

YABU.

Also your attitude stinks. You asked for advice, you don't get to dictate what questions are asked.

You need to be earning a substantial amount of money to live a nice life out there

I lived in Dubai for 16 long years and now back in the U.K. for 16 mths.
I understand the pull but it’s not all it seems on the outside though my life was much nicer than it is now but that’s down to a pandemic.
Dubai is expensive- you can’t just rock up and get a job, you need a job to go to. If your employer wants you out there then negotiate a package that is liveable. Education is not great, lots of young fresh teachers are drawn for the same reason as you, lifestyle. As soon as they realise they can’t afford it, they leave- not great for consistency!
Human rights- you’ll have none. Your a guest in that country and you bide by the rules or pay the consequences - no room for mistakes. Tbh we should be more like that in this country and it’s not a bad thing- unless YOU f&ck up.
Women are NOT second class citizens though, far from it. Women are revered but as an independent strong women you may find it hard to accept that the culture expects a man to be involved in everything.
I know plenty of single mums who manage just fine though.
As I’ve been an expat for over 35 years, I’d say try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, just don’t go without a job.

Women are NOT second class citizens though, far from it. Women are revered but as an independent strong women you may find it hard to accept that the culture expects a man to be involved in everything.

So women aren't second class citizens, but the culture expects a man to be involved in everything? This makes no sense - total dissonance.

Women are NOT second class citizens though, far from it.

If you look at the laws that's not true. Also, women's right issues like abortions that we take for granted are obviously illegal there. Not to mention their treatment of sexual assault victims. Granted a well off westerner is going to be treated much better than the female domestic workers who under UAE have no labour protections but still you don't have the protections as you do here.

Dubai would not be my first choice of destination to live and work if I were a single mother. Also definitely not a choice unless the pay were massively ramped up from £46k per annum to make it worthwhile, and a close eye paid to the effects on future pension, national insurance payments, healthcare, etc. It is also true you can end up trapped there if you end up in any kind of debt, whether in prison, or carrying on working but not allowed to leave the country for any reason (even funerals, for health reasons, or to attend weddings of family members) until all debts have been repaid in full. It’s a frightening place to be if you get yourself into any kind of trouble.

So women aren't second class citizens, but the culture expects a man to be involved in everything?
I'd rather take advice from a woman that has lived there for over 30 years than a keyboard warrior who only takes their views from the media.

My friend was raised there for part of her life. Hated it. It is so sexist. And her mum was treated like shit for being a single woman with kids. If she needed work doing in the house she had to have a male friend come over and arrange it all so she wouldn’t get ripped off. I’d never raise a daughter there.

@dontdisturbmenow

So women aren't second class citizens, but the culture expects a man to be involved in everything? I'd rather take advice from a woman that has lived there for over 30 years than a keyboard warrior who only takes their views from the media.

The poster was saying though how can they be saying women are not seen as second class citizens but then in the next breath saying that they need a man to be involved with everything?! Total contradiction.

"because they are not emirati have only in recent years managed to purchase property there (couldn't before)".

If recent years means more than 20 years ago, that would have been true. It has not been true for 2 decades.

@dontdisturbmenow

So women aren't second class citizens, but the culture expects a man to be involved in everything? I'd rather take advice from a woman that has lived there for over 30 years than a keyboard warrior who only takes their views from the media.

The poster who lived there explicitly contradicted herself in the space of two sentences. Either one is true, or the other, but they can't both be.

In counties where women are treated more equally, there is usually no expectation that a man must be involved in everything.

No, you can't afford it. Unless of course it is your plan to find a rich guy there who would pay for your expenses. Parking aside a rather selfish decision to essentially cut off your daughter's father from her life, you are planning to bring your little girl to one of the worst place in the world for femails

I think the poster meant women are revered if they do as they are told, or a man pretends for them that they are doing what he told them to do, and they are never caught by the powers that be doing anything the culture deems to be unwomanly.

I'm not sure why someone's suggesting AD is cheaper than Dubai. I live in AD and am moving to Dubai. Dubai is cheaper for pretty much everything except that the top top end schools are more expensive in Dubai.

I forgot who said it but how much is a four bed house to rent in Surrey that it's cheaper than Dubai? I can't find anything in Dubai for much less than £20k a year (AED100k) and pickings get slim below £30k (AED150k). If someone knows a nice family area for less than that I'd love to know.

OP as others have said, the key thing is package. You'd want to realistically double your current gross (all in) in my view to have a comfortable life. You can do it for less but I look at costs very closely and we would be really tight on less than 40 (although we have two DC so it would be easier for you). We are not big spenders at all but if we were only able to earn your current salary I'd not be here.

They changed the law and you don't go to prison for debt anymore.

A single parent can sponsor their child but then they are able to in Qatar too (and have been able to for at least 10 years). In Qatar it was more difficult than the normal sponsorship process though and I suspect very difficult if you weren't married at the time the child was born.

Most people I know do get housing allowance though - you don't pay end of service benefit on housing so sensible employers will give it and reduce base pay. I agree that packages are slimming down though. No guarantee of getting education (or education that goes close to the fees), family medical, or family flights.

As a lone woman you would be paying more to rent property (assuming you can rent at all - landlords prefer single men or couples), and possibly earning less than a man depending on your job. So think carefully before committing.

I have been to Dubai a couple of times and quite liked it but wouldn’t want to go again. I found it great for the weather, sitting by a pool and going out for dinner or a few days of winter sun but I really wouldn’t want anymore than that.

I think if you were single with no children then I think you could have a really great time for a couple of years but with a child in the mix I think you wouldn’t get the same experience.

Go abroad by all means but I would choose a different country.

@Partygirl2021what does it have to do with random internet strangers anyway? They just love getting on their high horse 😂
Good luck with your research!

My experience of being a single parent in an ex pat community is not great TBH.

Most of the other women with children are housewives. They all have servants and do a lot of lunches, meeting up with friends, shopping, gym. They won't encourage a friendship with you as you don't have a DH and hence cannot meet up as a married group.

The single women without kids tend to be hard working and hard partying.

As a single mum, you fall in the cracks.

There is a lot of bitchiness and gossip.

Although saying that, I would go for it TBH. I love Dubai. But there are significant downsides.

[quote Hellothere19999]@Partygirl2021what does it have to do with random internet strangers anyway? They just love getting on their high horse 😂
Good luck with your research![/quote]
High horse?!

Are you not allowed to say anything apart from stuff like "enjoy hun" or "the weather will be lovely?!

OP, I think you should ask for this to be moved to a more relevant area of the site. AIBU is mostly going to get you a bunch of aggressive opinions from people who have never even been to Dubai.

So you've never been to Dubai but are thinking of living there? 🤔 OP if I go on holiday for a few weeks I can spend months researching the place.