AIBU or is Dsis?

[Gonewireless]

DF passed recently & his house is empty. I am doing all the probate/IHT paperwork as Dsis says she doesn’t ‘do forms’. Just before the schools were due back in Jan, I sent a text & asked if Ds (Yr11) and I could stay in his house 2 nights a week. I explained that Ds had a meltdown due to lockdown/GCSE uncertainty and particularly the 2 hr journey to school which means he hasn’t much time for HW and he’s exhausted (coped until recently). DF’s house is exactly half way and would half his journey. Hotels not an option as closed.. She didn’t respond. Asked again, still no response.

Ds would need internet for HW if we stayed and Dh said just put it in as takes time to arrange and schools would be back after Xmas. Then lockdown happened but the broadband had been ordered and went live last week. I put the box in and sent Dsis a text with the password so she can use it when she’s there, also for her mobile with wifi calling as no mobile signal. I said that obviously I was paying for the connection myself. She sent a text back and was really annoyed and said I had wasted my money and she doesn’t want Ds and I staying there.

Is she BU or am I?

Poor kid, that’s awful. How does he get time for a life, or home work?

Op didn't ask for your opinion on that, why are you trying to make her feel worse? If you can't say anything nice, or even on topic, shut up.

OP you do not need your sisters permission to stay in the house, or to put broadband in, or to talk to solicitors, or almost anything else.

@Gonewireless

She doesn't want me to contact any local solicitors. She says he could have left everything to an animal charity. He did love animals.

Does this mean she doesn't want her share?

She's a numpty if she'd rather put the house on the market than let you buy her out.

I agree, do everything you can to find a will. He obviously thought about it from time to time so there might quite well be one.

Wait until youve had a good look for it before deciding what to do next.

Sorry for your loss.

And the fact that she doesn't want you to have the house on ANY terms...makes me think she is very bitter and trying to punish you for being closer to your father than she was.

My somewhat jaded experience is that people talk about what they want to happen with their assets much more than they act on it. Have found now more than once that someone who talked as if they'd made a will, actually hadn't, or certainly one was never found in the house, or with local solicitors. And yes, I agree the will registry should be more than voluntary.

This isn't saying you shouldn't check with local solicitors - I think you should. But be prepared that your dad may not have acted on his intention to leave you the house. People don't always face up to the need to get those things organised, and think they'll have forever to do it, when none of us do.

However, I would stop asking your sister permission for anything. You're dealing with your dad's affairs, you make the decisions. Just stop messaging. emailing or apologising and get on with it as you see fit - the broadband and staying over sound perfectly reasonable to me and none of it causes her to lose out. Don't see her as being in charge. She can be obstructive if she wants, but so can you: you hold the cards of being the organiser. She can't have it both ways and do none of the organising but still expect the final word on everything. So just go quiet now, and if she asks questions reply with something bland like 'it's all in hand, you know I'm sorting Dad's arrangements, I'll keep you informed as needed'.

Tell your dsus if she doesn't pull her finger out you'll appoint a solicitor and she'll be paying half.

dsis

And don't respond to bil its none of his business.

BeaSmithers if you have previously worked in probate then you would need to know the value of the estate before being able to comment on the cost of the solicitors fees.

As for Ds journey to school, I honestly wish I was lying about that. When I posted, I knew that I'd be open to abuse for this, but what's the point in asking for an opinion about something if I'm not honest with the facts I'm presenting.

Of course there are always two sides to a story and I asked if I was BU because I wanted to try and look at things from her pov and understand what issues she might be thinking about that I hadn't considered.

She doesn't want me to contact any local solicitors.

I bet she doesn't. OP, she sounds completely untrustworthy and agree with PPs that you need to be in touch with ALL the local solicitors to find out if he left a will with them.

@billybagpuss

It isn't a legal requirement to post statutory notices. It's merely a recommendation and the executors can choose not to do it

Ah ok, I didn’t know if it was different if no will.

No. Entirely voluntary, will or no will. Makes good sense to to do so though

I love the idea of blocking the sale or buying it without her knowing. She sounds like a prize cow bag so I think play her at her own game. If she thinks you are taking too long with the forms then say fine, let's get a solicitor to do them which will cost lots of money.

So you have already applied for "probate" which will be for letters of administration if there is no will.

You have therefore already attested that there is no will in order to apply got letters of administration. Any advice in this thread about the need to cover all the bases to look for a will are pretty pointless, aren't they OP?

Hope it all goes well for you and DSis.

Gooseberry I agree that a lot of people talk about making wills but never do it. I'm not convinced he has made one but she was very worried when I said I wanted to find out. Tbh, if I find a will and he's left the house to me, that would make things even worse. I do need to find out though because as others have said, I need to do things correctly.

It's a fair point that I shouldn't have agreed to do all the probate stuff and then get upset because I don't get what I want. In that sense, I am BU.

finallyhere no, I've done the probate (letters of admin) application and signed it and now she's got it so that she can sign as we will apply jointly. However, delayed a few days with this so that I can get the IHT paperwork done as we won't get probate unless the tax is paid and there's a question about IHT on the probate form that hasn't been answered yet for this reason. EAs said to get it on the market as they can be showing people round whilst we're waiting for probate.

I don't want to block anything or purchase it behind her back. I'm not like that and my dad wouldn't want me to do things like that. I want everything to be above board and fair and that's why I've put her as a joint administrator on the form. I don't want her to feel as though I'm taking over and that she's powerless.

Were you in charge of clearing the house ? Does your Sister live closer to your Dad's house than you do ?

frumpety the house isn't completely cleared yet but we did clear a lot of stuff together. She's closer than me to it.

Your dsis sounds like a bitch OP. I would LOVE it if me or my sister bought each other out instead of having to sell my parents house when the time comes. And likewise if my parents just left it to my sister that would be fine too as I own and she doesn’t and won’t now. I just want the house kept in the family!
What’s BIL sticking his big beak in for? What does he think is in it for him?

It’s as much your house as it is hers

Stop asking permission and do whatever you need to do

OP you need to stop being so passive and take control of the situation. Get a solicitor and ask them to do an online search for the will. Also check with his bank, as they might have held a will on file for him. Check the entire house including the loft. When you apply for probate just name yourself as sole executor and deal with everything yourself as you want to. You didn't need to ask permission to use a house when you own at least 50% of it. If you want to buy her out you can, but first find out if you actually need to or if the whole house is yours.
Martin Lewis' website has a great section on probate and what order to do everything.

Thank you for the explanation @Gonewireless

Are you planning on following any of the recommendations to establish whether there is a will ?

For goodness sake search for a will before you apply for letters of administration.

https://www.willfinda.co.uk/find-a-will/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpGch-q07gIVktttCh0cjwldEAAYASAAEgLhePDBwE

And name yourself as sole executor if you are going to be doing all the paperwork.

You might be wise to get a solicitor to look at the finances if the estate is liable for IHT as there are ways of saving a fair bit of money there.

I think you'd be a fool not to buy your sister out of the house if you would really like it, as you clearly feel that your Father wanted you to have it. As far as I can see, it shouldn't make any difference to her, who buys it as long as she gets her share, and I think that like others have said that she's found a Will, which she's probably destroyed because it wasn't in her favour, and is trying to punish you because perhaps your Father did leave the house to you, and that's why she's refusing to let you buy her out. I also wouldn't worry about this causing a long term rift between you, as it's clear that she doesn't care about you at all from the way she's behaving. So try and act on what you believe your Father's wishes would have been, (if of course you don't manage to locate that Will, then that way you'll have no reason to feel that you let him down in any way.

Well done OP for making enquiries as to whether there is a will. If DF “didn't trust Dsis and told me that she was stealing from him”, I wouldn’t put it past her to have looked for the will (as she said she did) and then destroyed the copy she found.