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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is Dsis?

150 replies

Gonewireless · 24/01/2021 09:12

DF passed recently & his house is empty. I am doing all the probate/IHT paperwork as Dsis says she doesn’t ‘do forms’. Just before the schools were due back in Jan, I sent a text & asked if Ds (Yr11) and I could stay in his house 2 nights a week. I explained that Ds had a meltdown due to lockdown/GCSE uncertainty and particularly the 2 hr journey to school which means he hasn’t much time for HW and he’s exhausted (coped until recently). DF’s house is exactly half way and would half his journey. Hotels not an option as closed.. She didn’t respond. Asked again, still no response.

Ds would need internet for HW if we stayed and Dh said just put it in as takes time to arrange and schools would be back after Xmas. Then lockdown happened but the broadband had been ordered and went live last week. I put the box in and sent Dsis a text with the password so she can use it when she’s there, also for her mobile with wifi calling as no mobile signal. I said that obviously I was paying for the connection myself. She sent a text back and was really annoyed and said I had wasted my money and she doesn’t want Ds and I staying there.

Is she BU or am I?

OP posts:
nowlook · 24/01/2021 12:19

OP, although it's bugger all to do with BIL, you know that you won't be able to exchange contracts on a sale until you've got letters of administration. You've got two months until the stamp duty holiday ends. Given you've done all the legwork, just fill in the forms and get them sent off. You don't want your Dsis to have any ammunition that the property isn't selling because you dragged your heels. Are you planning to be joint administrators?

If you want to give yourselves the best shot of getting in before the stamp duty holiday ends, you should market the property simultaneously with waiting for the grant to be approved.

Are there any other matters that could catch you out in the process? Is the property registered? Is anyone other than DF on the deeds?

Eddielzzard · 24/01/2021 12:21

How incredibly difficult. So sorry Flowers

You can't trust your sister and you don't need her approval. I get you want her onside, but she expects the power and is using it to be obstructive already. I'd stop asking her permission and just get on with what you need to do.

But first and foremost, I'd take a day off if you have leave, and try and find that will.

Tal45 · 24/01/2021 12:22

I wouldn't ask her if you can stay - what's she going to do? You have as much right to the house as she does. Surely if the house is being sold you have as much right as anyone to buy it, can she really stop you? It sounds like you are very controlled by her and her husband - don't let that go on, they sound awful!

Heyahun · 24/01/2021 12:25

Just stop including her or asking her

Stay there if you like how would she even know !

And if your in charge of doing everything then you put it on the market when you like and sell it how you want ! She can fuck off - shel get her share

Ukholidaysaregreat · 24/01/2021 12:26

I would think about blocking the Husbands number and just talk to your sister. I would ask around the local solicitors - the only reason that I can think off that your sister has told you not to is because she doesn't want you to find the will. They both sound awful. Good Luck.

Viviennemary · 24/01/2021 12:27

I think your sister has a point. And why would your son have a two hour commute to school. I think you are being quite cheeky actually. The house is not yours yet. Presumably it has been left to both of you. And are you taking care of all bills.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/01/2021 12:28

I should have said what many others said - contact all the local solicitors to check whether your father had any dealings with them. You do NOT need your sister's "permission" for this, and quite honestly her wanting you to NOT do this suggests there is something to find out.

Ellmau · 24/01/2021 12:31

She doesn't want me to contact any local solicitors

That is so suspicious. You absolutely must check.

Soontobe60 · 24/01/2021 12:37

@Gonewireless

Is the national will register voluntary? If so, it shouldn't be.

I'd never heard of that so thanks for the link. I'll ring round tomorrow and if no joy, I'll pay to check the register.

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-jan-aug-2015/finding-a-will-after-someone-dies/
LST · 24/01/2021 12:43

Yeah you need to check op. She sounds very suspect to me!

Original poster
Gonewireless · 24/01/2021 12:46

I honestly don't know whether my dad left a will. He said that he wanted me to have the house but he never actually said that he had made a will leaving it to me.

Viviennemary I explained upthread about Ds commute to school. I'm aware the house isn't mine and I'm also resigned to the fact that it may never be. As for the bills, I'm obviously paying for the broadband but the other bills will come out of my dad's estate. If I had stayed at the house for 2 nights a week, I would have happily paid all the bills.

When she said no, I thought it wasn't very nice but I decided just to let it go. Then after a week of harassment from BIL, I woke up this morning and thought this is really unfair. I've done all of the running around. Telling all the banks etc, notifying everyone that needed to be, organising the funeral, getting EAs in to value the house, completing all the forms for probate and IHT etc etc which is saving her thousands and I'm working FT with a Ds who is pretty anxious due to the lockdown. She's sitting at home with BIL doing sweet FA with no work to worry about and no dependents,

OP posts:
SilverOtter · 24/01/2021 12:49

The fact that he always 'said he wanted you to have the house' means absolutely zilch unless you can locate a will to back this up in law.

For what it's worth, I really hope you do find a will at one of the solicitors - your sister sounds like a total bitch.

BeaSmithers · 24/01/2021 12:54

Neither of you are being unreasonable in my opinion. You just view things differently and you'll have to work it out between yourselves.

I've no idea how you work out you're saving £10k in solicitors fees. Your really over exaggerating there!!

If you're unhappy about dealing with the probate, then don't do it. It's not really fair to take it on and then use it as a stick to beat others with when you can't get your own way.

.

Ideasplease322 · 24/01/2021 12:55

Sorry I know your thread is about your silly spoilt sister, but your son spends four hours a day travelling to and from school? Is that right?

Poor kid, that’s awful. How does he get time for a life, or home work?

BeaSmithers · 24/01/2021 12:56

I'd be really interested to hear your sisters side of this story. Having previously worked in probate, things are rarely as one party perceives them.

BeaSmithers · 24/01/2021 12:57

@Ideasplease322

Sorry I know your thread is about your silly spoilt sister, but your son spends four hours a day travelling to and from school? Is that right?

Poor kid, that’s awful. How does he get time for a life, or home work?

I'm not convinced he does...
SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/01/2021 13:03

I've done all of the running around. Telling all the banks etc, notifying everyone that needed to be, organising the funeral, getting EAs in to value the house, completing all the forms for probate and IHT etc etc which is saving her thousands and I'm working FT with a Ds who is pretty anxious due to the lockdown. She's sitting at home with BIL doing sweet FA with no work to worry about and no dependents

I'm not sure, but I think you can charge the estate a reasonable amount for your time when you are an executor. I mean - not £100 an hour like a solicitor might if they were administering the estate, but (say( a minimum wage amount. Perhaps someone else knows more about this and could advise.

WeAreShiningStars · 24/01/2021 13:06

Your sister sounds like a right bitch.

Do what works for you and refuse to engage with her husband. Sounds like like married like, there.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

billybagpuss · 24/01/2021 13:08

I have no idea if this is a possibility but have a word with one of the solIcitors and ask if it’s possible to buy your sister out of the house without disclosing it. If you put an offer in via estate agents she had no idea who it is from? It may be a daft idea.

I also think if it’s intestate you have to advertise the death in certain newspapers and wait a certain length of time before they will grant probate.

hansgrueber · 24/01/2021 13:10

@Gonewireless

She doesn't want me to contact any local solicitors. She says he could have left everything to an animal charity. He did love animals.
If that's the case and a will subsequently comes to light then you're both in a mess, you could be considered guilty of fraud as you have deliberately made no attempt to find a will. You probably would have to repay any moneys which would have gone to a charity! Your sister's husband has nothing to do with this, he sould keep out of it.
BeaSmithers · 24/01/2021 13:13

@billybagpuss

I have no idea if this is a possibility but have a word with one of the solIcitors and ask if it’s possible to buy your sister out of the house without disclosing it. If you put an offer in via estate agents she had no idea who it is from? It may be a daft idea.

I also think if it’s intestate you have to advertise the death in certain newspapers and wait a certain length of time before they will grant probate.

It isn't a legal requirement to post statutory notices. It's merely a recommendation and the executors can choose not to do it.
Livinginatree · 24/01/2021 13:14

I would say if you want the house then balance it up with how much you want it compared to the relationship with your sister (I have to admit I wouldn't be so bothered about upsetting her). Get some three valuations from estate agents, take the middle one as correct value and offer her half of that or half minus half the estate agents fees. Tell her you won't agree to sell if she doesn't go for it and she would have to take you to court to force you, then tell the judge you offered several times to buy her out and she keeps refusing. Delay a couple of months and it will be even cheaper as prices will have dropped if past free stamp duty. Oh and this is if you don't find a will.

Pringlemonster · 24/01/2021 13:15

You need to contact every solicitor near you ..there is clearly a will ,and she is hiding it ...animal charities ,,no ...she’s taken it

billybagpuss · 24/01/2021 13:21

It isn't a legal requirement to post statutory notices. It's merely a recommendation and the executors can choose not to do it

Ah ok, I didn’t know if it was different if no will.

NameChange2PostThis · 24/01/2021 13:21

@Livinginatree

I would say if you want the house then balance it up with how much you want it compared to the relationship with your sister (I have to admit I wouldn't be so bothered about upsetting her). Get some three valuations from estate agents, take the middle one as correct value and offer her half of that or half minus half the estate agents fees. Tell her you won't agree to sell if she doesn't go for it and she would have to take you to court to force you, then tell the judge you offered several times to buy her out and she keeps refusing. Delay a couple of months and it will be even cheaper as prices will have dropped if past free stamp duty. Oh and this is if you don't find a will.
@Gonewireless do this!